It's the Impression That I Get

It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses.

Sometimes I wish I could stay a kid forever. I could ride across the neighborhood in my little red tyke, hand paint with all the acrylics of my youth and climb trees and eat bananas to my hearts content; or at least until my parents put me back in the cage. But as they say, there comes a point to put away childish things and become the man you're going to be for the rest of your life.

Life can make you blue sometimes

Since after college I had come to some pretty solid conclusions on what I wanted to do, or at least what I didn't want to do. Still I felt stuck in a permanent state of arrested development for over a year, clinging to the hope that a big boy job would come my way. In the meantime it was like every night I would die then start again at the last checkpoint I saved from. Everyday blurred together. Then a few months ago I answered the call to become a tutor and mentor to the youth of Metropolitan Chicago. A job which may just be the jump-start I need.

I don't know exactly what's in-store for me but I know whatever experience and knowledge I gain it will be beneficial and help me shape my life just as the last few years have. It's the close of a chapter and the beginning of another in my heroic journey. Like Odysseus, Achilles and Luke Skywalker, I take the journey of a lifetime not knowing where I'll end up but knowing somewhere in the recesses of my mind I am headed towards greatness. Or at least towards better-ness.

Who needs walking when you have one of these?

My introduction to Chicago involved getting hopelessly lost in the pubic transit system (CTA) the first day. While I've been here before, I have always had the luxury of a car. Now I have to walk to get almost everywhere, a skill I have yet to master since putting one foot in front of the other for me usually involves a TV remote in the mix. It's surprising how easy it is to get lost around here even when the city is a very simple grid of cross-streets.

While first impressions can and do change, I have come to the conclusion that there is no better American city to live in than Chicago. From the North Shore to the Loop, the city is full of positive energy pulsating through the clangs and bangs of the El train and supported by all walks of active, friendly life. Like the city, everyone here seems so young, vibrant and full of hope. And yet while Chicago is young even in comparison to cities in the western hemisphere, the culture, music and food is laced with the heart and soul of age old traditions.

The basement from Adventures in Babysitting...

Being the film nerd I am, I walked downtown spotting the different landmarks I've seen in movies throughout the years. There was the government building from the Dark Knight (2008), the bridge from High Fidelity (2000), the sculpture from the end of Source Code (2011), the crowded streets featured prominently in the street parade in Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986); all this in addition to the major landmarks we all know Chicago has to offer.

At the meet and greet for my job I realized just how hard it is going to be to make new friends. I find that people are at their most truthful when you first meet them, and when they're drunk. We all know first impressions matter so we purposely put ourselves in the best possible light and dilute all of what we are into an easily digestible package. That's why I tend to tense up when first meeting people. I don't want them to know how stark raving mad I am. I attached myself to a group of people after the meet and greet and we went to the center of the city where I observed their dynamics carefully. This is going to be a fun year. We walked down the street singing showtunes distracting, delighting and repulsing everyone in ear shot. It was fun despite the fact that getting a small drink from McDonalds in downtown requires taking a number and waiting ten minutes. We ended the night at Millennium Park and took our respective trains home.

I'm not quite sure what impression I made. Being largely an observer last night, speaking only when I felt the need, I ran the risk of coming off as anti-social and rude. That's certainly not my intention as most people who have gotten to know me see me as a social butterfly. Oh well. While first impressions do matter, I have a whole year to make a lasting impact. Maybe next time I meet up with a group I should be a little more proactive. That or I can always get drunk.

The Dark Knight Rises

Year: 2012
Genre: Superhero Movie
Directed: Christopher Nolan
Stars: Christian Bale, Gary Oldman, Tom Hardy, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Anne Hathaway, Marion Cotillard, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, Matthew Modine, Alon Aboutboul

Production:

Warning: here ye be spoilers! Do not read beyond this point if you have not seen Dark Knight Rises (2012).

First I want to give a special message on something that has to be addressed:

To all those effected by the tragedy in Colorado,

The streets of heaven are filled tonight with the angels, dreamers and fans who's only crime was going to the movies last night. Many of those killed or injured no doubt enriched the lives of others with their enthusiasm not only for the Batman phenomenon but in life itself. My hopes and thoughts go out to you.

The only man who looks good squatting

In 2008, movie audiences got to see the absolute zenith of a pop-culture phenomenon started way back in 1939. It's hard to believe that a character inspired by flying mammals can have such a long-lasting influence on generations upon generations of people. No one is too cool to not like the caped and masked shadow of the night. Like all heroes he stands as an example, a symbol of our highest aspirations.

Wait, I thought you were leading

He's the quintessential American hero topped only by the villains and difficulties he faces. Diluted to their core, the menagerie of colorful foes were the stuff of nightmares symbolizing all the things we would hide under covers as children for. The most popular of the Batman's malefactors, the Joker is a man who is meant to represent chaos in its most sinister form. Played beautifully by the late Heath Ledger, The Joker of The Dark Knight (2008) will never be topped. But if asked who I would rather find myself in a darkened alley with I would pick The Joker over Tom Hardy's Bane any day. For unlike the Joker who remained unpredictable to everyone but himself, Bane has a mission and that mission is pain.

Thus one of the major themes of Christopher Nolan's final chapter of his near perfect Batman trilogy. According to the film, it has been eight years since the events of The Dark Knight and the death of Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart). In that time, the streets had been all but cleaned up thanks to new law enforcement tools and the leadership of Commissioner Gordon (Gary Oldman). In that time however Batman disappeared from the limelight and Bruce Wayne has been spending his time as a recluse mourning the death of Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhaal).

Enter Bane (Tom Hardy), a masked terrorist who according to Alfred (Michael Caine) was kicked out of The League of Shadows for being too radical. Think Occupy Wall Street times a thousand and you have a sense of his twisted sense of justice. Wayne dawns the mask and cape once more to find out what he's up to in the sewers of Gotham. His only clue a minxy catburgler by the name of Selina Kyle (Anne Hathaway). Supporting characters also include Batman's armory expert Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman), Wayne Enterprises board member Miranda Tate (Marion Cotillard) and a young beat cop named Blake (Joseph Gordon-Levitt).

On the whole The Dark Knight Rises was a near prefect film but a crappy comic-book superhero movie. What do I mean by this? The acting and drama is topnotch as is the deceptively labyrinthine story. Its a beautifully shot movie taking full advantage of its urban and underground settings. The themes were big, grand, frightening and original. The third act was 98% exhilaration, 5% adrinaline, 4% awesome and 3% butterscotch ripple. If you forget the fact that the film is a "Batman" film you might be able to enjoy it.

But this is a Batman movie, or at least I think it is. Bruce Wayne and his alterego get surpsingly little screen time in comparison to the Blake character or Commissioner Gordon. The action sequences sans the third act seemed shoehorned at times and unlike Batman Begins (2005) or Dark Knight, didn't have a sense of wonder or humor. Also from a strictly nitpicky point of view, Bane was at times too hard to understand.

Fans of comic-book superhero movies from a conditioned consumer point of view will no doubt be disappointed if not downright angry with the results of this movie. Never mind that the characters of the Batman world have been interpreted and re-interpreted so many times, devotion to a specific trait or storyline is completely pointless.

I only wish that Christopher Nolan went all in. Dark Knight was part superhero part crime drama, Dark Knight Rises should have been 100% dystopian morality play of biblical proportions and an R-rating. Afterall, Bane basically makes Gotham his bitch kneeling to the whims of his twisted idiology. Make that the focus of the film, not Bruce Wayne and his inability to move on from life tragedies.

The most powerful and most poignant scenes were also the simplest. When Alfred confronts Bruce over the note given to him by Rachel, the scenes where the rich and decatent were forced to walk on ice, an army of police staring down the bad guys before an all out melee and finally the scene where Batman knowingly sacrifices himself for his people; that's what I wanted to see more of. None of this Bruce Wayne stuck in a well in Jodhpur.

Final Grade: B-

A Trip to the Art House

When people hear the phrase art house theater they automatically come up with an idea in their head and it's usually not a good one. Artsy, pretentious, slow moving, special effect-less, foreign or dead languages; not exactly words that conjure up the image of high quality entertainment.

But here's a trade secret: art house movies don't really differ that much from mainstream entertainment. Halloween (1978) was an art house title of sorts. So was Reservoir Dogs (1992). More recently Little Miss Sunshine (2006), Drive (2011), and Raid: Redemption (2011) made significant splashes in recent years and they're considered “art house.”

Sometimes they can actually be pretty dumb

An art house movie can have a small budgets with big names. Conversely they can have mid-to-large budgets with no name actors. They can have unconventional plots or run of the mill plots; good cinematography, crappy cinematography. Some people may feel superior in some way because they've seen these movies but the truth is they're no better or worse, nor smarter or dumber than any big blockbusters.

The only difference is the marketing. If advertising were free I have a hunch that just as many people would come out to see Moonrise Kingdom (2012) as they did The Amazing Spider-Man (2012); maybe even more! Stack the acting chops and notoriety of Edward Norton, Bruce Willis, Frances McDormand and Bill Murray up against Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone any day and see who comes out on top.

Stop! Or Wes Anderson will get melancholy all over you!

You have chosen poorly

But I'm a purest and just as Pulp Fiction proved in 1994 and The Social Network proved in 2011, I believe the majority of people go to the movies for the stories they tell; not for the actors, directors or special effects they utilize. You want proof of my hypothesis? Here's a thought experiment: I'm going to give you the basic plots of five movies I've seen recently which you have likely never seen. If one or more peaks your interest take a mental note of it. At the end of this exercise you may be surprised how many art house movies you'd likely dig.

Movie #1

Looking to shake up the world of wine, a surly Englishman makes his way to California to sample and bring back the best that Napa Valley has to offer for a blind taste test in Paris. Once there he meets a stubborn winemaker and his screw-up son who's winery is on the ropes. Based on true events.

No? Not your particular cup of chardonnay? How about this:

Movie #2

Can't guess the titles? Looks like you're being Kareemed!

Hilarity ensues when an inept but well meaning talent agent is tasked with bringing a washed up lounge singer's mistress to an important concert. The talent agent is then mistaken as her new Bo by an ex who happens to be a member of the mob.

Sounds like fun right? Read on:

Movie #3

Taking place in a war ravaged nation, two young boys are tasked with delivering black market goods and get caught in a web of intrigue. Once they are caught by the police, their friendship is challenged when they're sent to an overcrowded boy' penitentiary.

Not too keen on that one? How about this one:

1.21 Gigawatts!

Movie #4

Attracted by an amusing classified ad, three magazine journalists travel to track down and interview a man who claims to be able to go back in time.

Maybe that one was a bit too obvious.

Movie #5

After the strong-armed handling of a bloody prison riot, the colonel of an elite group of policemen is promoted to a high level security position. From there he declares war on the drug cartels to clean up the city. He does so however at the expense of his personal life and the growing threat of corrupt cops and politicians who have benefited from the old order.

If any of these movie plots have peaked your interest you might want to check out your local art house theater and see what else is playing. Seriously. While the trailers might not be playing on TV every five minutes, a little bit of research can go a long way. 

Oh, and by the way, Movie #1 was a 2008 film called Bottle Shock starring Snape himself Alan Rickman. Chris Pine of Star Trek (2009) fame also makes an appearance as does the President of these United States (in 1996's Independence Day anyway) Bill Pullman. Movie #2 was Broadway Danny Rose (1984) a Woody Allen film starring the neurotic nudnik himself and Mia Farrow. Woody Allen by the way has been nominated for 22 Academy Awards, won 3 of them, and has gotten awards in nearly every major film festival known to man. In addition he has written and directed at least a film a year since 1977. If you haven't given his films a chance already what the hell are you waiting for? Movie #3 was a Vittorio De Sica film called Shoeshine (1946) which takes place in Italy, has subtitles, and was shot black and white God forbid. Movie #4, Safety Not Guaranteed (2012) is actually still in theaters. Check it out if you have the chance, it doesn't disappoint. The last movie is a Brazilian film called Elite Squad: The Enemy Within (2010). A movie right up there with Scarface (1983) and The Departed (2006) as far as crime sagas go.

With Talking Animals Like These...

Twice this week I went to the theater to watch the latest animated sequels to hit the big screen. They were Ice Age: Continental Shift (2012) and Madagascar: Europe's Most Wanted (2012). Both times I went with my friend Brent, and both times he had not seen any of the other movies which led to some pretty interesting discussions afterward.

Its called inter-species erotica fucko

Our first outing we sat down and watched Madagascar. I had only seen the first one which I didn't like at all. The animation was awkward, the story just wasn't that interesting, the characters were annoying and the primary lessons was "don't eat your friends." This time around it seemed the makers wanted their public to gleefully swallow more absurd notions than a vegetarian lion. Hippos and giraffes can apparently fall in love; as can bears and lemurs, lions and cheetahs. Whatever floats your boat I suppose.

The plot revolves around the same four animals, Alex the lion (Ben Stiller), Marty the zebra (Chris Rock), Gloria the hippo (Jada Pinkett-Smith) and Melman the giraffe (David Schwimmer). This time the film starts in Africa as they await the arrival of the penguins (animals who also left the zoo from the first movie) to take them back to the zoo. Apparently in the movie I didn't see Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (2008), the penguins had created a crude aircraft that could fly to Monte Carlo but didn't bring the main characters for some unknown reason. Fearing they were abandoned, the four, along with their lemur compatriots, make their arduous journey to Monte Carlo, which meant they would have had to walk through the thick jungles of central Africa then trek across the world's largest desert, then swim the width of the Mediterranean. But hey why focus on that when with one screen dissolve they're there! Convinient.

Hurray plot contrivances!!

The foursome manage to sneak into a Monte Carlo casino where the penguins and their monkey friends are winning it big. Things get hairy. The fuzz is called and we are introduced to our main villain Captain DuBois

Will stop at nothing to get John Connor

(Frances McDormand) a psychotic, seemingly unstoppable animal control agent. From there the movie just throws everything including the kitchen sink at you in fast procession. A nuclear reactor, a flying machine, an Edith Piaf song that can cure broken bones, a flying circus with a new glut of characters is introduced Jesus movie! Can't you slow down enough to explain anything?
Now don't be thinking I have a lack of imagination here because I don't personally believe a hippo can fit through an air-duct. All I'm saying is if you want to violate the laws of physics that much you should keep it consistent. Why don't the animals simply swim to New York? Why don't they use the nuclear reactor they just happen to have to go back in time before they ever left? Why not break into the CERN Hadron collider in Geneva and make their particle mass resemble that of an electron then travel to New York near the speed of light? They're in the neighborhood after all.

Ice Age 5: Extinction

A few days after the traumatic events of Madagascar we ventured into the theater again last night to see the midnight premiere of Ice Age: Continental Drift. Unlike the Madagascar movies, I've actually seen all of the Ice Age movies and on the whole, I like them. I do find it kind of funny how the the films have progressed over the years and yet the same three characters are always forced to be with each other with the largely mute Scrat character always underfoot. The scale also seems to be widened every damn time too. The first one was about bringing a human child back to its tribe, the second was about saving the whole herd from imminent doom and the third was about being trapped in the land of dinosaurs. In this one literally the entire planet shifts its continents to serve as a plot device. How much you want to bet the next one they're unfrozen in modern times.

In this one, Manny (Ray Romano), Diego (Denis Leary) and Sid (John Leguizamo) are once again separated by friends and family by a massive continental shift. While the trio are bobbing precariously on a piece of ice

Ice Pirates!!!

on the ocean, the herd (which include the voices of Queen Latifah, Seann William Scott, Keke Palmer & Josh Gad) must outrun the shifting continent before they're crushed by debris or forced into the sea. While out in the ocean the trio run into a band of pirates (Peter Dinklage, Jennifer Lopez et al.) who will stop at nothing to bring them down. Also Sid's granny (Wanda Sykes) is with them.

There's nothing too bad about Ice Age in comparison to Madagascar. I could give you some data that proves the continental shift in the story is impossible but at this point, my suspension of disbelief is at an all time high. A lot of the jokes worked very well and while much of the dialogue felt stilted, the main three remain the best part about these movies.

Too...many...characters...can't...feel...face!

I guess the largest problem this Ice Age has is also true of Madagascar. Both are flooded with new characters to interact with placing too much chaos on the screen. Its not like these are tragic or overly dramatic movies, they're animated family films, so they can't really kill off anyone, though sometimes I wish they did. In Ice Age: Continental Drift we have the sloth, his grandmother, his parents and siblings, the mammoth, his wife and daughter, the sabretooth, the two possums, the squirrel, the molehog, the four other mammoths that have lines, the monkey, the other sabretooth, the rabbit, the elephant seal, the badger, the hydraxes, the narwhals, the whale, the kangaroo, the crow...you realize the first one only had seven characters with lines right? So many characters, so little time to dedicate to them and too many of them are dead weight or annoying.

Here's to hoping the next batch of Ice Age movies improve. I do still like the characters and I want to see them at least one more time before they start getting embarrassing. The Madagascar series on the other hand needs to end. Thankfully I think it will.

The World According to Liberty Valance

Late one night/early one morning, I had a pretty deep political conversation with one of my friend's new boyfriends. After the night's festivities he couldn't drive home so I offered my roommate's couch to sleep on. We spoke about a lot of things including religion, civil rights, gun control and of course healthcare. It became obvious we held beliefs on the opposite ends of the modern American political spectrum.

Near the end of the night I summed up the conversation in the same contexts I usually do; by alluding to movies. I asked him if he's ever seen The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962). He said no, then I explained that he was like John Wayne and I was like Jimmy Stewart.

For those of you who don't know the movie, it's a western starring Jimmy Stewart as a Senator famed for killing a notorious outlaw in self-defense. Returning to the birthplace of his political career, he attends the funeral of an apparent nobody (John Wayne) and tells the local reporter his connection to the man.

Be honest, is the flag too much?

The rest of the movie is told in flashback with Jimmy Stewart first getting to town and being beaten and robbed by the outlaw (Lee Marvin). Saved by John Wayne and nursed back to health by a young Vera Miles, Jimmy is shocked to find the whole town lives under the constant threat of Liberty Valance and his gang of thugs. To anger them or the rich ranchers they serve meant harassment and death. The only person quicker on the draw than Valance is of course John Wayne.

Within a few years Stewart's character becomes a man of distinction, setting up his law practice, helping to teach the locals to read and write and eventually becoming a delegate for the statehood convention to the agitation of Valance and the powers that be. He does this all without ever holding a gun but as we all know from the title, eventually Liberty Valance and the future Senator have to duke it out.

This is what non-violence looks like

I tell you all this because it is a great American western that should be seen by all. But when I say the statement “you are like a John Wayne, I am like a Jimmy Stewart,” you can probably guess my meaning even if you've never seen Liberty Valance. Like in Destry Rides Again (1939) and It's a Wonderful Life (1946), Jimmy Stewart fights to do the right thing while holding to a strict code of ethics and conduct. He endures many abuses and humiliations at the hands of Liberty Valance but his staunch determination pays off through direct non-violent action.

Like Jimmy Stewart, John Wayne also fights to do the right thing in his movies but in a much different way. Like in True Grit (1969) and Hondo (1953), John Wayne is the self-appointed protector of the innocent in Liberty Valance. Even at the cost of his personal happiness he, at times begrudgingly, helps those who need it the most in the best way he can; through the power of a cocked Winchester. As represented by his everlasting screen persona, he's a man's man. The best representation of a strong-willed, plain spoken, American male who can be called upon to kick ass and take names. In that order.

Face upon hearing his brother died

Both characterizations can have their drawbacks. I, like Jimmy Stewart have a doltish naivety when it comes to many things including the human inclination towards violence and self-destruction. Conversely if you consider yourself a John Wayne, you may only see the negative side of human nature and are suspicious towards anyone besides yourself and God.

So how do we plug this all into today's political landscape specifically towards the subject of healthcare. While I'm not a big fan of Obamacare, I feel it is better than what we had ten, five even one year ago. I believe everyone should be insured. Everyone should be able to afford the healthcare they need and anyone with preexisting conditions shouldn't be denied coverage period.

Any reasonable opponent of Obamacare would probably agree with those statements, they just don't believe government should be a part of the solution. Fair enough. They are naturally suspicious of the federal government and fear the system may be abused by politicians who will mismanage funds and by those who don't contribute to society. After all, why should my premiums go up because someone who has had two triple bypasses can't get his lazy ass off the couch or lay off the bacon flavored lollipops?

I wish I could make a living talking out of my ass

The majority of the people who make those points are the same people who donate their time and money to charity on a regular basis and the same people who would gladly help a neighbor in need. I say this to underline the fact that those who don't share your point of view aren't necessarily idiots or monsters despite what talk radio says. We live in a time when the conversation is dominated by those who care more about stirring the pot than actually solving problems. They are not John Waynes or Jimmy Stewarts, they are the Liberty Valances of the world.

If I have a point its this: with the election season heating up we need to realize that at the end of the day we all need each other to solve the problems we face. We need the John Waynes of the world for they see our society for what it is, flawed. We need the Jimmy Stewarts of the world for they see what society can become.

The Amazing Spider-Man

Year: 2012
Genre: Superhero Movie
Directed: Marc Webb
Stars: Andrew Garfield, Emma Stone, Rhys Ifans, Denis Leary, Martin Sheen, Sally Field, Irrfan Khan, Campbell Scott
Production: Columbia Pictures

Remember in 2002 when everyone hotly anticipated the blockbuster season? It was the year Lord of the Ring: The Two Towers and Star Wars: Attack of the Clones made huge wads of cash for their respective franchises. Likewise Harry Potter got its second installment, Austin Powers got its third and James Bond got it’s 20th. While today we roll our eyes and suck our thumbs every other time another cynical franchise building sequel is released, back then we saw them as fresh and special. Well, maybe not but at least the summer was also bedizen with original ideas like Minority Report, Ice Age, My Big Fat Greek Wedding and The Bourne Identity. Somewhere in the middle of it all emerged what would become the third highest grossing film of the year and changed the face of comic-book superhero movies forever. I’m talking of course about Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man.

...and with these hands I killed the Blade franchise

Before 2002, comic book adaptations were largely moody modest budget affairs ala The Crow (1994) and X-Men (2000). The only franchise at the time whose popularity was enough to invest beaucoup bucks was Batman (1989). But by the beginning of the new millennium, that franchise was ice cold dead. Suddenly Spider-Man popped up with its populist sensibilities, bright and colorful cinematography and operatic story. Not since Superman (1978) has so much good ol’ fashioned cheese come to the screen with such panache.

Today many in my peer group lambaste the now dead franchise as derivative. The actors, especially Tobey Maguire and Kristen Dunst have gotten the brunt of recent criticisms for a multitude of reasons and some of them valid. I would argue that while Tobey Maguire was not smart-alecky enough for the role of Spider-Man he was the ideal Peter Parker. He was shy, a bit of a goof and kind of plain-looking, he evoked immediate sympathy from the audience and me. Kristen Dunst as the love interest next door I felt was likewise the perfect embodiment of the role she portrayed.

Don't know how this could possibly fail

A lot of the criticisms about the two young actors I feel stem from both of them being unable to shed the franchise. Neither have done anything remotely as impressive from a financial or acting point of view before or since. Willem Dafoe’s performance while infinitely more cheesy hasn’t gotten the same ire from finicky fans partially because he will always have Platoon (1986) and Shadow of the Vampire (2000) under his belt. Add to all that the fact that Spider-Man 3 (2007) was a narrative mess and people get that sour taste in their mouth when they discuss the old franchise.

Which brings me to the new franchise. I was lucky enough to catch an early screening with a small group at the theater. It was actually a pretty interesting case of serendipity as I had just got out of a screening of Moonrise Kingdom (2012) and was told after exiting the theater the screening for the new Spider-Man was about to start. By the way if you get the chance to watch Moonrise Kingdom you definitely should. it’s a movie that works despite Wes Anderson’s idiosyncratic directing.

The Amazing Spider-Man (2012) tries to recreate and remold the titular hero but does so with diminishing

This uncle Ben is next!

results. Like a radically different cover of an old standard tune, the notes are different but the words are the same. A crazed villain tries to wreak havoc on the city, Uncle Ben still dies, and the love story is still left unfinished and open ended. There are of course differences but they don’t have enough flair or pop to really stand out.

It has been only five years since the last installment of the Raimi trilogy and it seems that the lesson the studio learned from Spider-Man 3 was don’t give the director too much freedom. Sam Raimi's pop sensibilities and ego admittedly got the better of him resulting in disaster. So to compensate for Sam Raimi’s too much muchness, they got very green director Marc Webb

If this guy's in high school I'm Madonna

(of 500 Days of Summer fame) willing to play by the rules at least for now.

There were aspects of the film I did like. Much of the impetus of the story revolves around the mysterious disappearance of Peter’s parents which brought new elements to the story. Spider-Man comes home with multiple scabs, bruises and welts from the night’s action which is much more realistic when you’re leading a life of a crime fighter. Emma Stone’s Gwen Stacy was an instantly likeable character as was her no nonsense police commissioner father played by Denis Leary. Emma Stone is one of those lucky popular young actresses who can find universal recognition and praise. She has multiple sides to her which shines in the majority of her performances and makes her incredibly likable. Had the movie been about her I might have actually enjoyed it much more.

Which brings me to probably the biggest complaint I have about The Amazing Spider-Man. I do not like Andrew Garfield as Spider-Man. Not at all. At 28 the actor looks too old to be in high school and much too good looking to be the nerdy, mild-mannered Peter Parker he should be. Once in the suit, he spends an awful lot of time without his mask; likely so people will be distracted by the fact that the costume makes him look like a deflated Voight basketball with legs.

Can you hear me now? Good

You may have noticed I haven’t really mentioned the primary villain The Lizard (Rhys Ifans) in this review. This is largely due to the fact that the character is ultimately treated as inconsequential. An almost compulsory character thrown in because every superhero must have a super villain. His motivations are tenuous at best and nothing in his scenes while transformed really leave an impact. Also as an aside, the New York water filtration systems seem to have an awful lot of exotic looking lizards and great phone reception. Someone should really check into that.

Final Grade: C-