Birthday

I turned 31 the other day. I would have forgotten about the day itself completely had it not been for a couple of co-workers approaching my desk with a cupcake and a small knick-knack as a gift. It was very kind of them. Equally kind were those who gave me well wishes on the day and those who showed up to last weekend's limited festivities. The truth is 31 doesn't have the same impact as 30. It's a non-birthday. It's not a fun milestone or a whistful reflective milestone; it's mostly just there...like a single grain of sand in an oversized hourglass.

Last year, I felt the full force of doom and gloom. I felt the very real pain of depression and the threatening shadow of anxiety. "Holy crap, I've accomplished nothing and I'll remain alone forever!" I thought. I panicked and went the whole hog into accomplishing something, anything, overextending myself with improv classes, standup, and exercise. I also sought therapy, a habit I appreciated until I was unceremoniously kicked off my healthcare - but that is a story for another time.

Been sick all winter...probably won't be a problem...

This year, I've decided I'm focusing almost exclusively on self-care. My exercise regiment has lightened up considerably and I've stopped focusing so much on weight loss and more on having fun while being active. So I broke down and got a bike - a big item purchase I have no buyers remorse over. I was tepid about riding in the city at first but now I absolutely love it! Chicago is a great city for bikers. It provides a lot of visible bike lanes, ample parks and slow enough traffic accustomed to bikers whizzing about where they're not thoughtlessly crashing into you. While before I was moaning and groaning about running and weight training, now I'm just having a blast.

Weeeeeeeeee!!!!

I've also taken more time out of the day to dedicate to comedy. My goal has been to go to open mics three times a week but I've been going a little more often than that most weeks. It helps to have a regular cadre of friends willing to subject themselves to the same torturous ritual. It's hard for me to meet new people, so finding comedy friends was a little slow going with more than a few false starts. Now though, I always seem to bump into more people I can carry a conversation with, which is nice.

This no longer hurts as much...

What also keeps me going is the reminding myself that no matter how painful it can be to go up and bomb, I'm still laughing every day. I'm laughing with/at people more talented than me, people less talented than me, people having good nights, bad nights and all points in between. Finally, I'm laughing at my own misfortune which is definitely a better and arguably healthier reaction than my usual woe-is-me self-victimhood. What's more, on the rare days when all the stars align; when I go up early, hit all my beats, there aren't any serious distractions or hecklers and all the material works...the feeling is euphoric.

It's amazing how the subtle differences in delivery and word usage can affect your set. For example, I have a so-so bit about my job which goes like so:

"Let me tell you what I actually do for a day job - I work at a roller rink, and I pretend to be a scientist in front of school children."

So not really a joke so much as a premise that's kinda funny. Change the words a bit and it becomes:

"I'm a fake scientist at a roller rink. That's my day job!"

It's faster, cleaner and punches up the absurdity of the premise i.e. my ridiculous job. Then comes the punchline:

"You start out thinking you're going to be like Bill Nye but really you're just the least interesting birthday clown at the party."

Is it great? Not yet. But I did prop it up higher than just "meh."

Most of the jokes I've been trying out are pretty okay; elevated by the fact that they are largely true therefore I emote convincingly. There's one joke I'm struggling to plug into my current set mostly because I don't know where to start it. It's based on something my mother told me while I was being a wiseass.

She turns to me and says, "I should have flushed you down the toilet when I had the chance."
My response: "Either way, I'm dealing with your shit."

I'd like to mention at this point my mother and I have a great relationship we just both have a rowdy sense of humor.

Speaking of rowdy, I watched Avengers: Endgame this past weekend, in between open mics and running. I got to say, Endgame actually went above and beyond my expectations given my feelings towards Infinity War. I didn't care for Infinity War largely because it hinged so much of its stakes on "the snap" which, we all knew would be undone. So when I walked into Endgame, I was expecting a wrap up of sorts, capped by one big awesome fireworks display with every hero taking a big bow.

And while Endgame was all that, it also managed to satisfactorily finish the character and story arcs of many of my favorite characters. I don't want to go into deep spoilers lest to say I appreciate the series as a whole and what it ultimately accomplished. Also I am Ant-Man...