Top "One-Word" Movie Quotes

This is an e-mail exchange between a good friend and myself in an attempt to find and express our favorite one-word movie quotes. His response is highlighted in violet while mine are in black.

4. "Plastics"-The Graduate (1967)
Dry humor at its finest. something about a college graduate makes everybody think that they need to give them important advice.  something about the way Mr. Robinson has his arm around Ben Braddock, the sheer cockiness that what he has to say is going to blow his mind with how smart it is.  That pause right before he says it that lasts just long enough to make it awkward. And of course the pure irony that the movie displays it as silly advice, and that investing in plastics ended up being very good advice seeing how many things are manufactured in plastics since the '60s.

3. "Rosebud"-Citizen Kane (1941)
Not only one of the most famous one-word lines, one of the most famous lines in general.  Considered to be one of the greatest films ever and the whole film revolves around this man's last words, the way he says it, the zoom in on the lips, the gentleness of it, you can tell how much he cared about it.  The twist of what it represents;  it leaves you in such mystery when he says it. Its a great way to kick off the film, you need to know the meaning of what this word means to this man.

2. "Elaine!"-The Graduate (1967)
I had hard time choosing the shouting of names, "Adrian!", "Shane!", "Stella!". I'm sure you are surprised I didn't pick the one from my favorite film.  Something about the beat change that occurs in this line is just great.  You have Dustin Hoffman running all around trying to find the love of his life, to the tune of Mrs. Robinson. It's very fast paced, driving fast, running fast. He's all out of breath. Then he stops. The music goes quiet. There is a large window of glass separating him from Elaine.  He's seeing the worst thing he can see and if only there is something he could do. your heart has stopped wondering what will happen. "ELAAAIINNEE!" with the pounding on the glass the pure essence of "I don't want you to do this, I love you, I want you, I'm sorry, come with me, I don't want to lose you." all boiled down to one word yelled, and the way he pounds on the glass almost like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. I love that moment so much.

1. "Freedom"-Braveheart (1995)
The message of the film clearly yelled. A martyr dying for the purpose of freedom, "any last words?", sure how about I scream why I'm doing this and let it echo in the ears of theater-goers for years after they see the movie.  I can't think of a more passionate, emotion filled cry in any other word in any other movie.  I know the movie is really drilling in the point of the idea  but I really consider Braveheart the ultimate movie about freedom (well actually Spartacus, but Braveheart is a close 2nd).  It would be like if the Movie Gandhi ended with Gandhi screaming "PACIFISM!". you really feel how important this man believes in the idea that he is fighting for and dying for.

This is going to be a hard one. Mainly because you chose two of the best (Rosebud and Freedom) right off the bat. I'll try to come up with a list that would bring diversity in the proceedings and at the same time point out that both quotes I'd otherwise put on my list are B.S.. "Rosebud" was said to no one so how could the newspapermen and their editors know what Charles Kane's last words were? As for "Freedom;" never actually materialized for the Scots both during William Wallace's time and just a few weeks ago.

4. "Toga!" from Animal House (1978)

I had been building an impressive DVD collection for years by the time my freshman year of college came. The first film I watched in my college dorm room on my brand-used 12 inch screen TV was National Lampoon's Animal House; still the absolute gold standard for college themed movies. What better way to exemplify the films bacchanalian spirit than with Bluto (John Belushi) screaming "Toga!" at the top of his lungs? With those immortal words the boys of Delta House muster up the materials for a "Roman Toga Party...which received more than two dozen reports of individual acts of perversion SO profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here."

 

3. "Khaaan!" from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan (1982)

Captain Kirk; a man so resourceful he battled a Gorn using only his hands and ingenuity. A man who tricked the NOMAD with a contradictory statement and spotted a cloaking Bird of Prey from the dark recesses of space (yes I know I'm a nerd). Kirk finally meets his match with Khan Noonien Singh. Khan had just taken the Genesis Machine and left Kirk and his crew marooned in the center of a dead planet. With no plan of action or escape, Kirk lets out a blistering yell, screaming out the name of his foe. So next time you're back is up against a corner try yelling in Shatneresque fashion. It might make you feel better.

 

2. "Bueller?" from Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Actor, writer, comedian, political commentator and evolution denier Ben Stein has made a career out of being the the least liked guy in the room. No where is that more clear than in Ferris Bueller's Day Off a film I personally don't like that much but admit its memorable. Ben Stein plays a bit part as a droning History teacher who calls Ferris's name during attendance, only to find that once again the habitually truant student is not at his desk. Where is he? Ruining a parade, sneaking into a 4-star restaurant, going to a Cub's game and wrecking his sick friend's car all for his sick satisfaction.

1. "Whoa" from The Matrix (1999)

Oh Keanu Reeves. Despite such a limited range, the man is in so many memorable films and is given a good amount of priceless lines. If it's not the hundred or so "bogus's" in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (1991) or Johnny Mnemonic (1995) "It's a Fish," there's this gem from The Matrix which 1. does a good job expressing my thoughts on the Wachowski Siblings masterpiece and 2. expresses my disbelief of his impressive career. The man played Buddha for godsakes! Not well but he did! He has one hell of an agent.

Notes from the Usher Podium: Razing Arizona

So I'm going to start this article with a rare retraction. My previous statements about the State of Arizona and the City of Mesa were false. They were said in a moment of outward positivity and injected with liberal amounts of hope. Since I have settled in the Grand Canyon State and observed the people who populate it, I realize now that this homunculus patch of dirt is trying to spit me out like a batch of expired cactus salsa.

The trouble started as soon as we got a new apartment. Without money and sleeping on an inflatable mattress, our Spartan living left us with little to do but explore. Additionally my computer has had a reoccurring charger issue which finally reached its breaking point two weeks after our arrival. My girlfriend's computer became our only access point to the larger world though its ability to play DVDs has halted. Without a television, a DVD player or a comfortable mattress we went out often to find affordable fun.

Driving in a AC-less car across the valley I couldn't help but notice how myopic the local population is. Everyone seems to be from someplace else yet they all have the same chip on their shoulders and have a complete inability to notice anyone else. Like mules with blinders on they go through their lives stubbornly unaware of how small and precious their world really is. There are no recycling programs here; All the toilets are dual flush and everyone is either driving a Lexus or a pickup truck. Most large storefronts have these mist-ers


Are you serious?! We're in a drought!!!

providing a constant stream of water to those sitting outside. The irony is no one sits outside so these places are wasting gallons of water for no good reason. This place is one big haboob away from being lost to the world yet everyone is scarfing down their hamburgers and lazily treading the local mall like it's going out of style.

The culture here is a real problem for me. There is no culture. The Mexican and Native American influences that make New Mexico a must see have been relegated to little disconnected nooks so white people can feel like they're slumming it then walk to Starbucks for a latte. What's left is a culture with no past or future; as disposable as wetnap and as complex as an amoeba.

Pictured: Everyone who ever gave you a noogie

The nearby town of Tempe is a bustling college town lacking a diversity of bookstores and food yet is the closest thing to home I've seen. The one few moments of relative calm came when the lady and I went to World of Beer and I had my first Founders in over two months. Despite a young population, Tempe doesn't seem to have much behind it. It's like all the people you disliked in high school went to college in the same place. Nearby ASU is known as one of the largest party schools in the nation...so hurray for that.

In the middle of the valley sits the hamlet of Scottsdale, less the art center it boasts to be and more a white-washed bastion of faux-multiculturalism. It almost feels like a zoo. The city has everything a human would need like food, water, toys and souvenir shopping yet faced with the world surround it, it feels completely out of place and fake. It's like Thomas Kinkade and Norman Rockwell created a miniature town for a movie production the populated it with grotesque Caucasian stereotypes.

Lies! All lies!

Finally there's Mesa itself which unlike the touristy Scottsdale or the bacchanalian Tempe is where people seem to actually live. Again people have artificially constructed a world all their own. The only time anyone interacts with one another (other than familiar relations) is when concealed carry

This is not going to end well...

drivers rear-end each other on the road. The common thread in these various worlds is the mysticism and idolization of the Wild West at least among the elderly. Among the young there is complete disconnect and ignorance of anything outside their own social circles. Between the revolving door of concerts and Instagram updates there seems little time to dedicate to anything else. I'd be fine with this ignorance if it were complimented with a willingness to learn but alas a fear of change is baked into them.

I won't divulge the office politics of my new employer other than to say that work is the one silver lining that has kept me relatively sane. Sane being a relative term as mere weeks into project Manifest Dreadfully I lost my wallet which had my Michigan drivers license, my social security card, my various bank cards, my Chicago Public Library card and my Blockbuster card which I keep as a joke. My only means of identification are my Passport and my birth certificate (issued in Guatemala and therefore in Spanish) and my proof of citizenship birth abroad (only a copy).

My immediate task was cancelling my cards which was done before anyone tried to use them. My guess is my wallet is in a garbage dump somewhere and not in someone's pocket as I haven't gotten any alerts. My bank quickly became the least of my worries as I had already changed my address to Mesa. However in issuing a new card they are also trying to send a new activation code which comes separately from the card. I've waited two weeks and have yet to receive the code which expires in a month.

My driver's license is another story entirely. I have made three attempts to get one from the DMV or what they call in Arizona, the Motor Vehicle Services. The first time they outright refused to accept my birth certificate as it was in another language. They did give me a paper with valid forms of ID which includes an SS Card. Ironic since I need a license to get my SS Card. You'd think in a border state you'd have at least one person who could be a translator but no dice.

The second time I wrongfully assumed the un-activated bank card I have would have worked but again I was rebuffed by a surly public office lackey. Additionally as my former license was issued in Michigan they needed to locate my driving records from another server. Finally on the third try I brought everything...passport, non-functioning bank card, W-2 forms, copy of my Michigan driver's license and a copy of my SS card which were provided by my employer, mail from my current address, bills, paystubs, a High School Yearbook, medical records; if I wanted to I could take the papers I brought and build a replica of the tree they pulped. It seemed I was out of the woods...then their system crashed.

You'll never end me Arizona, NEVER!

Everyone I've asked has said they love it here. Once the heat dies down, the excellent weather will make all my problems go away. I certainly hope this is the case and I no longer have to dip into a warm pool after 9pm to finally get the sweat off my brow. I've been reading into what is commonly referred to as the Arizona black hole theory which is simply: you'll never leave Arizona once you reside here. This prospect scares the hell out of me. For while I try to make the best out of every situation and my support system is strong, I can't stand the idea of living in one place for more than eight years. Let alone a place hot enough to cook an egg on the sidewalk.

Sex Tape

Year: 2014
Genre: Comedy, Sex Comedy
Directed: Jake Kasdan
Stars: Cameron Diaz, Jason Segel, Rob Corddry, Rob Lowe, Ellie Kemper, Nat Faxon
Production: Sony Pictures

Sex Tape breaks the cardinal rule of comedy: It’s not funny. I realize humor is highly subjective but I watched it in a theater full of the prime demographic (underage teens who snuck in and the Happy Madison crowd) and a pin could be heard dropping due to the lack of laughter. What’s more, Sex Tape couldn’t even satisfy on a prurient level. That’s right, a movie called Sex Tape didn’t even titillate.



Get ready for years of therapy kid

Even I understand the "Cloud" dingus

Muppets: After Dark

Ultimately “Sex Tape” follows “No Strings Attached” and “A Good Old Fashioned Orgy” in the unnecessary trend of raunchy sex-related comedies that are light on both sex and comedy despite having some pretty impressive casts. I put money on the DVD release putting emphasis on the “unrated” version providing no extra skin but cheaper, dumber jokes that were taken out for good reason. If I were you I’d just save your money.

The story begins with Annie (Cameron Diaz), mother of two, reminiscing over the glory days when her husband Jay (Jason Segel in his 5^th role playing a character named Jay or Jason) and her used to go at it like rabbits. Cue the montage of “comedic” sex scenes which conveniently cover up the good bits. After the two realize things aren’t how they used to be, they come up with the idea of making a three hour sex tape. Due to a synching mix-up, Jay accidently delivers the sex tape to friends and family including Annie’s possible business partner and their own children.

Okay, let’s say you buy into the unlikely scenario and let’s say that two people who make their living on the computer (she’s a blogger, he’s a music exec) don’t know how “the Cloud” works or know how to remotely remove the video; I doubt you’d swallow the frenzy of half-concocted ways they attempt to get the video back. Jay nearly get’s mauled by a German Shepherd and Annie does cocaine when they simply could have said “Hey I need my iPad back, there are a few things synched on it that I don’t want you to see.” Simple, quick, to the point and doesn’t have to involve breaking and entering. But hey, this is a comedy…things don’t have to make sense.

And make sense they certainly don’t. Absurd moments meant to be funny include Rob Lowe’s straight businessman rocking out to Slayer with pictures of his face imprinted on Disney iconography hang in the background, Jack Black playing a porn proprietor taking two minutes to list off the competition and Rob Corddry and Ellie Kemper having sex in a minivan; none of which is funny. I think I let out a brief, fleeting chuckle twice. I laughed more watching “Saving Private Ryan” than this movie. All I was thinking while watching it was how far the two leads have just fallen. It’s surprising that a movie of such abominable quality can be penned by Segel and Nick Stoller, the duo responsible for The Muppets reboot.

You fools! Foools!

Final Grade: F