Most Likely to Succeed
Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014) and Coup de Torchon (1981)
Unlike last year's 12 Years a Slave (2013) I am less confident Birdman is going to win Best Picture. That said it's still a revelatory movie about stage life and the precarious psyche of actors who give it their all. If you ever wanted to know just how crazy drama people are, take a gander at this movie then slowly back away before they notice you're in the room.
Coup de Torchon is another challenging and hard to define movie. Is it a mystery? A romance? A crime thriller? It's all of those things and more so if you have a chance to watch hands down the best movie I've seen this year, check out Coup de Torchon either at your "We-have-everything" Video Store or just buy it on Criterion.
Class Beauty
Spirit of the Beehive (1973) and Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...and Spring (2003)
What can be said about the brilliant Spirit of the Beehive? With a minimalist story and tales swirling around its inception in Fascist Spain in the 70's, Beehive is ultimately a beautiful looking picture about a young girl coming-of-age after watching the film Frankenstein (1931). The cinematography is reminiscent of Vermeer with its warm golden tones and melancholy moments of quiet dignity.
Not to be outdone, in 2003 Spring, Summer, etc... proved that you needn't a huge budget and expensive CGI to create an otherworldly setting. Set entirely near a secluded Buddhist monastery in the Korean countryside, the changing of the seasons and the slowly listing pontoon monastery makes for quite a feast for the eyes.
Class Clowns
One, Two, Three (1961) and The Lego Movie (2014)
The Cold War has never been funnier than in Billy Wilder's cynical, laugh-a-minute farce about a Coca-Cola executive living and working in West Berlin. After a surprise visit from the CEO's naïve daughter, C.R. (James Cagney) must undo the mess she creates when she marries a hardcore Communist East Berliner. One, Two Three is downright hilarious.
But if watching a black and white farce isn't your thing, The Lego Movie was the biggest surprise this year taking the ever popular Danish toy and turning it into a high-octane adventure story. Not only that, its funnier than all of the live-action movies that came out this year.
Best Hair
American Hustle (2013) and The Incredible Burt Wonderstone (2013)
Watching it the first week of 2014, American Hustle quickly became one of my favorites of 2013. The story can be best described as controlled chaos much like the hair in this 1970's throwback. Amy Adams sports a large crumpled mess not to be outdone by Bradley Cooper's goofy perm. Though its Christian Bale's comb over that takes the cake.
Okay, I'll agree Burt Wonderstone did not live up to its incredible premise but in a comedy market dominated by glorified improv and bromances its good to see a satire that fully embraces its silliness. Nowhere is it more silly than in the outrageous hair styles that are plopped atop of Steve Carell, Steve Buscemi and Jim Carrey's gobs. Guess when you're vying for king of the magicians you need a mane to go with it.
Best Smile
The Wolf of Wall Street (2013) and The Intouchables (2011)
Leonardo DiCaprio's Jordan Belfort is a devious dog placed in the greedy pits of the stock trading world. There he thrives in what can be best described as Goodfellas (1990) for nerds and douches. While I take exception to Wolf of Wall Street's numerous fans who celebrate consumption and greed over what the movie is really about, there's no denying Belfort has a mouth of pearly whites that can swipe anyone's retirement fund.
Of course if you're not into drug-induced incredulousness there's the warm-and-fuzzy crowd pleaser that is The Intouchables. Based on a true story, the odd-couple comedy takes a French quadriplegic aristocrat with ennui and pairs him with a black hoodlum from the other side of the tracks as his caretaker. While a little too heart-tugging at times, the sensitive portrayal of the two contrary leads makes it work.
Best Dressed
The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014) and The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover (1989)
Wes Anderson's work was leading up to this year's Grand Budapest Hotel. The perfect balance between his storybook visuals and sophisticated sensibilities, Grand Budapest is cloaked in bright colors and a stylish wardrobe. What results is a movie that resembles a moving, functioning painting.
Though while Wes Anderson has only recently mastered his craft, Peter Greenaway has been using similar techniques with much more emotional resonance for years. Take his controversial NC-17 classic The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover. While it certainly deserves its NC-17 rating for some truly shocking moments, the beauty and elegance that surrounds this picture is no less than stunning. If you have a chance to watch it you absolutely must.
Most Creative
F for Fake (1973) and The Zero Theorem (2013)
Orson Welles's Finnegan's Wake is the best way to describe his dizzying essay film about fakes and forgeries. Using state-of-the-art editing techniques, a non-linear progression of events and a cavalcade of infamous rascals from art and literature, F for Fake is certainly a create romp into the mind of one of the best American directors ever.
Of course when it comes to pure brash vision, no one quite matches up against Terry Gilliam. A Maverick to the very end, his latest feature film was a box-office and critical bomb but nonetheless proved that the director still has a lot to say about our society and culture.
Cutest Couple
Brokeback Mountain (2005) and You Only Live Once (1937)
After years of dragging my feet I finally sat back and watched Brokeback Mountain. Under Ang Lee's direction and Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal's masterful performances, Brokeback Mountain is one of the best bittersweet romances to ever be put on screen.
Natural Born Killers (1994), Badlands (1973), Bonnie and Clyde (1967), Gun Crazy (1950); meet the movie that started it all. You Only Live Once brought the trope of a criminal couple running from the law onto the big screen. In this case the couple are played by Henry Fonda and Sylvia Sidney and instead of making veiled criticisms on the media like some of the other movies listed, You Only Live Once concentrates on the inequalities and discrimination within American society as a motive for crime. Ultimately its the doomed romance that makes this movie memorable and therefore worth a watch.
Most Athletic
Bad Day to Go Fishing (2009) Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India (2001)
I didn't watch too many sports movies this year so this year for the win are two movies that take two uncommonly used sports for the screen and tells some deeply human tales. Bad Day to Go Fishing is about a washed up wrestler and strong man from Berlin who is dragged to South America on a publicity tour by his scurrilous manager. The manager sets up fake fights for exhibition until the inhabitance of Santa Maria grow wise and force a real fight between the strongman and a viral fisherman.
Lagaan on the other hand is about a small village in Victorian India who pin their fates on a cricket match between them and their British occupiers. If they win, there will be no tax or lagaan on their goods for three years. An excellent Bollywood film from start to finish you should watch it for no other reason then to learn how to play cricket.
Biggest Nerds
A Brief History of Time (1991) and Interstellar (2014)
While this year brought The Theory of Everything (2014) to the big screen, it was Errol Morris's A Brief History of Time that I felt better presented Stephen Hawking's contribution to our understanding of the universe. Based on Hawking's book of the same name, A Brief History of Time may be a little dry for some but if you're a fan of astrophysics, the creation of the universe and/or the impertinent genius of our time you should really give this doc a gander.
But Theory of Everything wasn't the only 2014 movie about astrophysics. Interstellar (2014) was a welcomed mind-bending treat during the late summer weeks and proved once again that director Christopher Nolan can make intelligent blockbusters for mainstream audiences.
Most Talkative
Marat/Sade (1967) and Murder on the Orient Express (1974)
Marat/Sade was at times a bit beyond me. Its a movie about the making of a play about a historical event, the murder of Jean-Paul Marat as told by the Marquis de Sade. In it, political realities force the Marquis to make cuts and those in the insane asylum (where everything takes place) start to take liberties with recent history. A Lot of big ideas abound in this movie especially when you consider it was made in 1967.
While Marat/Sade made for interesting drama about big ideas, Murder on the Orient Express made for a small, simple story made from a simple case of murder. It was also interminably boring wasting the talents of Albert Finney, Lauren Bacall, Ingrid Bergman, Sean Connery, John Gielgud, Anthony Perkins, Martin Balsam, Vanessa Redgrave and Michael York for a script chalked full of talk, talk, talk.
Most Unnecessary Destruction of Public Property
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) and Cutthroat Island (1995)
I didn't get the chance to witness Transformers 4 (2014) in all its glory (because three is my limit) yet Michael Bay still found a way to waste my time with his production of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, a reboot that makes the 2007 version look like an instant classic. And what makes a Michael Bay production complete? A boat load of unnecessary explosions that's what!
If only people wised up to Michael Bay as they did with Renny Harlin in 1995. Cutthroat Island was box office poison but boy was it an embarrassing spectacle. This movie can be directly blamed for effectively ending the careers of Geena Davis and Matthew Modine and crippling the career of Frank Langella. As for director Renny Harlin? He's still working but nowhere near the budget level of Cutthroat Island.
Most Likely to Be Compared to One Another
The Hundred-Foot Journey (2014) and Million Dollar Arm (2014)
This year was a big year for Indians in Hollywood. If by big year you mean being relegated to supporting roles in their own stories. Take Hundred-Foot Journey a movie about an Indian family that moves to rural France to start a restaurant to the ire of a local chef. While primarily focusing on a member of the family becoming a famous chef, it was Helen Mirren who got top billing for this saccharine flick.
Not to be outdone, Jon Hamm got top billing for a movie about two Indians who are recruited to play professional baseball stateside. So essentially two films that could have been about main characters given a chance to prove their mettle ended up being about two white people who get over their xenophobia. Good job Hollywood.
Biggest Weeper
The Fault in Our Stars (2014) and Make Way for Tomorrow (1937)
As a now much embattled defender of The Fault in Our Stars I'm starting to hate the fact that this film is despised by so many. Especially since so many in my circle of influence have never actually seen the damn thing. Overall it's not perfect and many compare it favorably to Love Story (1970) which means it'll probably be forgotten in about five years. Still as an emotional experience I just can't argue with my tear ducts.
Make Way for Tomorrow is a little less of a constant cry-fest. It crescendos at the end with arguably the most bittersweet moment ever put on film. Orson Welles once said that Make Way for Tomorrow would make a stone cry and I tend to agree. Check it out on Criterion then hug your parent/s.
Most Just Plain Wrong
House (1977) and Tusk (2014)
What...What...why? What the hell is going on? That was my continual reaction throughout the Japanese import House. A group of school girls meet up to take a holiday at one of their aunt's house. What starts as a live action anime comedy complete with punchy character title sequences ends as a gory, psychedelic haunted house movie. Downright the weirdest movie I've seen.
Though I suppose this year's winner at the cinema was the once great Kevin Smith and his latest dud Tusk. Even with such an outlandish premise, Smith failed to entertain or frighten though the end result of Justin Long's transformation is still a sight to behold. Not to mention just plain wrong.
Most Likely to Cause an International Incident
The Interview (2014) and Viridiana (1967)
Okay so this category was made up simply to put The Interview at the head of the pack. While very underwhelming when you consider the hype, the movie did end up renewing sanctions on North Korea and it's bat-s**t-crazy dictator. And because of the hacker fall-out we all know what's going to become of Not-So-Amazing Spider-Man.
For our second choice there's the infamous Luis Bunuel film Viridiana which not only pissed off the Franco regime in Spain but was admonished by the Pope and banned in several countries. What's so bad about the film? Nothing much really, there's some implied incest and a lot of calling out hypocrisies in the Catholic Church; not much different than most Bunuel films.
I honestly don't know what Franco was expecting.
Biggest Drama Queen/King
Frances Ha (2011) and Giant (1956)
Frances Ha stole my heart this year with one of the most realistic and emotional depiction of mid-twenties malaise. Starring Greta Gerwig as the title character, the movie is assured by its confident director Noah Baumbach and its simple yet true story. It spoke so much to me in fact that I would peg it as one of my favorite coming-of-age films of all time. Anyone who is, has ever, or will ever be in their twenties should see this film.
Giant as the distinction of packing in more drama into a solid three hour movie than anything since Gone with the Wind (1939). Strikingly beautiful and capturing ever range of emotion, is it any wonder Giant is the State movie of Texas? Ironic since the lead Rock Hudson was gay adding yet another level of drama.
Most Needing of a Remake
Road House (1989) and Bad Day at Black Rock (1955)
Red Dawn (1984) has been brought back from the dead. Footloose (1984) has been pilfered by the new nostalgia driven Hollywood machine, heck even Robocop (1987) was necromaced. Yet out of all of the 80's let's-call-them-classics the one most deserving of a remake should be Patrick Swayze's Roadhouse. Dwayne Johnson can play the infamous Dalton while Kevin Costner plays the small town mucky-muck blowing up General Stores. Nina Dobrev can play the obligatory T&A and who do we have to play Wade Garrett? Mickey Rourke of course.
I for one would love to see some indie director sink his teeth into and modernize Bad Day at Black Rock. It's a simple set up, a one-armed stranger walks into a small desert town and immediately raises the suspicions of all who cross his path. As he starts to notice everyone acting peculiar, he investigates to see what really happened at Black Rock. Robert Downey Jr. can play the mystery man (though maybe instead of losing an arm he can just have burns on his back Fury style). The townfolk can range from character actors like Chris Ellis and Margo Martindale to Billy Bob Thornton and Robert Duvall.
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