Genre: Sci-Fi Adventure
Directed: Luc Besson
Stars: Dane DeHaan, Cara Delevingne, Clive Owen, Rihanna, Ethan Hawke, Herbie Hancock, Kris Wu, Sam Spruell, Alain Chabat, Rutger Hauer,
Production: River Road Entertainment
I'm not going to lie, I was looking forward to Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets. The production team behind it, in combination with the history of the IP (not to mention the absolutely bonkers trailer) made it seem like Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) level intensity was the best case scenario. Worst case scenario, we were looking at a Jupiter Ascending (2015) a la, a movie with enough sheer lunacy to justify a watch despite being seriously flawed.
Not since Flash Gordon (1980) has there been sci-fi so amazingly dumb. |
Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is based on a series of French science fiction comics which chronicle the adventures of Valerian (DeHaan) a roguish space cop and his damsel-esque partner Laureline (Delevingne). After their latest mission inadvertently puts them in possession of the film's magical sci-fi maguffin, they make their way to the fabled space city of Alpha. Once they get there however, all hell breaks loose and our heroes find themselves scrabbling to rescue their superior, Commander Filitt (Owen) from an unknown group of aliens.
The highs of this movie are near euphoric with some of the most creative and convincing examples of world-building seen this side of blockbuster cinema. The technology, the habitats the creature design et al. are all so refreshingly fun with the city of Alpha being the clear standout of all the marvelous filigree. Alpha at times feels like an ever shifting character in the film, assimilating worthwhile ideas from Star Trek (1966-1969), "John Carter of Mars," "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea" and all points in between. What's more, the worlds that are created here, you feel like you can come right out and touch them. They practically beg to be explored and thanks in part to the script, you get a decent if breezy tour of Alpha via Valerian and Laureline's fast-paced adventure.
Yet the lows in this movie are almost embarrassingly low, with every bad decision sticking out like Chris Tucker in cheetah print. The problems start almost immediately. Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne for all their efforts are sorely miscast as our heroes; trying desperately to pull off a Han/Leia vibe with the chemistry of flat soda. Much of it can't be helped of course; partially due to their age they look less like grizzled space cops whom by their own admission "have seen it all," and more like children playing dress up. You can also just tell what little direction they were given was limited to them hitting their mark and reading their lines, never mind emoting or interacting with the space in any meaningful way.
...Ok kids but don't be late for supper, we're having meatloaf! |
Even Uncle Remus thinks this s**ts messed up... |
Final Grade: C
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