It's that time of year again! It's time to once again take stock and inform you of all the stuff I saw this year. As of now my list of every movie ever seen is at 4,494, or a little under halfway through my goal. The majority of the films I saw this year were in theaters but there were still a good handful of classics and forgotten gems I managed to catch. There was also a lot of trash...like a lot...of trash.
2017
Superlatives
Best
Movies I Probably Should Have Seen Sooner
I really
didn’t see that many films outside of theaters this year. Part of that was
because I really wanted to make a valiant effort to cover as many recent films
as possible. To forge a work ethic that goes beyond writing only when I feel
like it. That said I did manage to poke a few holes on my ever-growing watch
list. Satochi Kon’s Perfect Blue was certainly worth my time, as was Emir
Kusturica’s dark wartime satire Underground. Meanwhile Stalker only reinforced
my case of impenetrability when it comes to Andrei Tarkovsky’s work. Murmur of
the Heart also proved a disappointing introduction to Louis Malle. Ultimately I
think I’m going to have to go with Bob Fosse’s psychological and psychedelic
musical All That Jazz and Akira Kurosawa’s retooling of Macbeth Throne of Blood
as my two winners this year. Both are just tremendous.
Worst
Franchise Killers
Oh boy,
there certainly were a few of these this year. Pirates of the Caribbean 4…5
(whatever) definitely was an early contender in this category. And if I had
actually watched Transformers 4…5 (whatever), that may have taken the proverbial
cake here. That said, I may just have to go with the loudest and most
publicized crashes and burns this year. The Mummy put the kibosh on Universal
Studio’s plans to create a Universal Monster expanded universe which, if you
ever bother to watch The Mummy, you’ll see it was a bad idea from inception.
Justice League, while not as awful as some other possibilities nevertheless
underperformed and likely sent unwelcomed shockwaves through Warner Bros.
Most
Creative Movies
Say what
you will about 2017, the year did have a host of interesting and unique movies
popping up in theaters for two, three weeks at a time. A Ghost Story, Columbus,
Brigsby Bear and Dave Made a Maze certainly had their charm, while Mother!
practically drowned its audience in creativity in all its perversity. Patti
Cake$ kept the torch of creativity alive while on video Touki Bouki, The Girl
with All the Gifts and Genuine were new, fun and exciting. I’d also be remised
if I didn’t mention Homo Sapien a movie…that I watched…that’s, that it.
But if I
must choose only two films to fit this category I’m going to have to call out
Colossal and The Lure; two films that celebrate bold ideas and captivating
hearts while doing so. Admittedly I wasn’t a big fan of The Lure when it was
first released but it has stuck with me all throughout the year mostly because
of its catchy tunes. Colossal has also stuck with me but mostly because the
flick is so ceaselessly entertaining and fun. Check both of these films out if
you can.
Most Human
What
exactly is meant by most human? Well it could in the broadest sense encapsulate
a breadth of honest emotion such as in Pedro Almodovar’s Julieta. It could also
mean the exploration of a specific emotion or mood such as in Mudbound, I,
Daniel Blake and A Monster Calls. It could be finding peace in the mundane such
as in Paterson or Columbus, or finding solace in the complexities of human
emotion such as Asghar Farhadi’s The Salesman.
Ultimately
I decided on a mix between the mundane and profound, the simple and complex,
the social and personal. John Schlesinger’s early 60’s A Kind of Loving and
Sean Baker’s sophomore effort The Florida Project are in my mind the most
“real” films I’ve seen this year. Both are honest to a fault – one for
accurately depicting the tenability of romantic love and the imprint left
behind, and the other for showcasing extreme poverty and the struggles of
maintaining innocence in a harsh and cruel world. Both are strikingly beautiful
in their own shaggy dog way and both are worth a watch if you have the time.
Biggest
Disappointments
There were
quite a few movies that missed the mark for me. In theaters Power Rangers and
The Belko Experiment both promised fun but failed to deliver. The Last Word
should win its own award for completely wasting actress Shirley MacLaine, while
on video Castro and After the Battle proved to me that there are some
hoity-toity foreign films that don’t deserve an American release.
As far as
taking the cake however, I have to give this Superlative to Alexander Payne’s
infuriating film Downsizing and Hitoshi Matsumoto’s
deadpan-to-the-point-of-being-just-plain-dead Scabbard Samurai. One is the
story of a world where people can shrink themselves down to the size of an ant.
One is the story of a samurai who has 30 days to make the bereaved son of his
daimyo laugh or else commit seppuku. Both DO NOT take advantage of their
premise.
Movies
That Restore My Faith in Humanity
While I’ve
never been one to enjoy syrupy crowd-pleasers I did see my fair share of decent
films that managed to put a smile on my cold, lifeless face. Maudie definitely
did quite a number with its brittle humor while Lady Bird and 20th
Century Women both reminded me of how much I like Greta Gerwig. Sleight is an
underrated February release that initially made me feel optimistic for the
year. Finally I can’t end without mentioning the dance documentary Step and the
fall season kid’s movie Wonder.
I gotta say
though, when it comes to fun, heartwarming and earned sentiment – Patti Cake$
became my real MVP. It’s a movie that knows how to make its audience happy and
provides some really fun music to boot. Then of course there’s Stronger which
was a little darker but nevertheless had one of the best pick-me-ups at the end
of the movie. If you’re looking for the best in people, definitely check these
two films out.
…And Then
Make Me Lose it Again
Of course
the realities we all must face; that everything sucks, we all die alone and
Santa Claus is a lie – can be best typified by good films like Killing of a
Sacred Deer and bad films like The Book of Henry. The winners this year however
must certainly be Darren Aronofsky’s oppressive Mother! and a little film I
found called A Shock to the System. Mother! needs no explanation if you’ve seen
it. The darn thing is so balls-to-the-wall nihilistic that it made me want to
take a shower. A Shock to the System stars Michael Caine as an aging American
Psycho-type who finds liberation in living a life without consequence.
Definitely seek it out, the movie is diabolical.
Biggest
WTF Moments
2017 had its
fair share of WTF moments (more than half of which came from the White House if
we’re being honest). Gladiator fights between Gods and hulks, maneating,
musical mermaids, rampaging superpigs, P.T. Barnum becoming an apparent symbol
of diversity, Rooney Mara eating pie…With all that said however, there were two
moments from movies this year that got ever-so-slightly ahead of the pack. Two
seemingly minor moments that nevertheless made quite the impact of yours truly.
The first
came from the film Raw, a French-language film about a veterinary student who
discovers she has a taste for human flesh. Since Raw was not widely seen, I
won’t spoil anything lest to say once you get to the moment I’m thinking of,
you’ll know it.
…The
second: milking the sea monster in Last Jedi. I personally loved the latest
Star Wars installment but seriously guys…
Best
Looking Films
I have to
say, there were a couple of truly beautiful looking films I saw this year. In
theaters there was the nocturnal nerve of Good Time, the bright warmth of The
Florida Project, the unabashedly 80’s aesthetic of Atomic Blonde and the
structural integrity of Columbus. At home I managed to catch Romanian New Wave
fixture Scarred Hearts and the famed Masaki Kobayashi horror anthology Kwaidan
both of which were truly enrapturing. The winners of this particularly tough
superlative however have to be Blade Runner 2049 and Chan-Wook Park’s The
Handmaiden.
Funniest
Films
2017 was
arguably the year funny women made a splash and took over the movie theater. The
year started with 20th Century Women which was full of humor as well
as warmth but it certainly didn’t compare to what I caught later on. On video I
held myself over with The Slums of Beverly Hills starring the hilarious Natasha
Lyonne, before plunging back into theaters for the underrated Snatched, then
the fairly disappointing The Little Hours. I then finished the year the latest
Gillian Robespierre/Jenny Slate team-up Landline now on Amazon.
There were
some decent boy-centric movies too: LEGO Batman and Spider-Man: Homecoming but
neither held a torch to this year’s queens of comedy: the satirical Ingrid Goes
West and the bawdy Girls Trip. The first one lampooned today’s social media
obsessed culture without coming across as out-of-touch and preachy. The second
managed to take nearly the same premise as Rough Night and dial up the raunchy,
the crazy and the funny.
Best
Action Sequences
Surprisingly
for a year that had nine superhero movies, there weren’t that many downright
incredible action sequences in them this year. Honestly, despite all the bells
and whistles of watching Spider-Man and Vulture battle it atop an invisible
plane, I much preferred watching Bruce
Lee kick a** in Fist of Fury on video. Outside superhero-dom however there were
a few gems. The lightsaber scene from Last Jedi (you know which one), Kong’s
helicopter battle in Kong: Skull Island, and the last battle in War for the
Planet of the Apes just to name a few.
When
taking physicality into account along with special-effects and overall “wow”
factor, there’s little denying that Wonder Woman’s village liberation and
Charlize Theron’s bruising protection of Eddie Marsan are the real MVP’s in
this category. Not only are each of these scenes technical and physical marvels
but they also leave an impact on their respective stories that feel immediate
and satisfying.
Most in
Need of a Remake
Is it just
me or did the long awaited biopic of Tupac Shakur really suck? The actor they
casted to play him definitely looked the part, but he and the wanting script by Jeremy Haft, Eddie Gonzalez and Steven Bagatourian definitely led to one of the biggest disappointments of the summer.
Still Tupac’s life and art merits to be told on the big screen and here’s to
hoping that in a few short years the stars will align to give us the
biographical epic we know we deserve.
Other than
a remake/reimagining of All Eyez on Me, I think we also need a remake of the
MS3TK maligned At the Earth’s Core. As a story sporting tons of steampunk
filigree, and a basic premise that has been done with moderate success in
Journey to the Center of the Earth, At the Earth’s Core has just enough
inspired ridiculousness to warrant a good ol’ fashioned remake.
Most
Underrated
Underrated:
not necessarily great, just good enough to be reconsidered as more than just
pabulum. I mentioned earlier that Snatched was…okay. Murder on the Orient
Express, Monster Trucks and the impossibly titled Roman J. Israel Esq. also are
worth a second (or first) glance. On DVD there’s the oft ignored Rise of the
Guardians as well as the sweetly British Paddington. I also caught the Mexican
version of Dracula and I got to tell you, it was pretty grand!
But if
you’re looking for a movie recommendation that’s sure to not disappoint despite
bad reviews, you’re going to need to check out the long forgotten Table 19 and
the popular but maligned How to Be a Latin Lover. As far as comedies go, you
probably won’t be disappointed with either so I say rent them if you get the
chance.
Most
Overrated
Another
year, another Andrei Tarkovsky film makes it as part of this particular
superlative. I’m going through the filmography little by little and I swear
once I’m up to it, I’ll try them again but for now I’m still contending that
the late “great” Russian director makes his objectively beautiful films far too
cryptic and meditative to enjoy. Stalker is pretty high up there on the
pretention-meter. Somewhere between Andrei Rublev and The Sacrifice.
Also
Personal Shopper makes this list…because screw Olivier Assayas and Kristen
Stewart!
Worst
Exploitation of Tragedy
I just
can’t get by the New Year without venting just one more time about Patriots
Day. Seriously, what a crap movie, oozing with exploitative hand-wringing and
false pomposity; I nearly wanted to kill Mark Wahlberg’s character all
throughout. Detroit also has no idea how to cover a historical event with any
sense of scope or theme but by comparison, Detroit is f**king Citizen Kane. Not
only is Patriots Day lazy, not only is Patriots Day sloppy, it also has the
gall to effectively piss on the tireless efforts of law enforcement during the
Boston Marathon bombing so that Mark Wahlberg can pull off his “I stopped a
terrorist plot” fantasy.
Best
Titles
This
superlative was made specifically for two movies, though that’s not to say
there wasn’t a good amount of decent titles this year. We had the quite literal
titles of Good Time and The Great Wall which delivered by giving their respective
audiences’ a “good time” and exhibiting a “great wall” respectively. Battle of
the Sexes was also a pretty appropriate title as was Midnight Meat Train a
horror movie I won’t soon forget.
But of
course the obvious winners this year have to be the shaggy-dog hipster fantasy Dave
Made a Maze and Martin McDonagh’s newest black comedy Three Billboards Outside
Ebbing, Missouri. As you can imagine, both won by the power of their mouthy
titles and giving us films that went beyond the title to entertain.
Most in
Need of the MS3TK Treatment
Mystery
Science Theater 3000 is back baby!!! You bet you’re a** I caught up on all the
newest episodes and you bet your a** I put every movie from the season up on
this yearbook. Don’t judge, they f**king count so long as I understand what’s
going on in the story. Telling me they don’t count is like saying Gold didn’t
count because I was distracted by some jerk’s phone the entire time.
Speaking
of which, you bet Gold was on the shortlist for this category. A Cure for
Wellness, Suburbicon, Ghost in the Shell likewise had the requisite bloated
sense of self to be excellently parodied on the long-running series. The
winners this year however have to be the mega-disappointment that is Stephen
King’s The Dark Tower and Live by Night; Ben Affleck’s sorry attempt to make a
period crime drama. I can just see Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot tearing these
things to shreds and with at least one of these things being more than 2-hours
long, they’d have to cut it down to the length of the show…which would probably
improve it.
Best
Movies with the Word “Wonder” in it
“Wonder”
seems to be the word this year. Wonder, Wonderstruck, Wonder Wheel – so many
wonders came out of this year which makes you wonder who stole the better title
ideas? Oddly enough to two best movies to feature the word “wonder” both
kinda-sorta involve the same subject matter – that being Wonder Woman.
So of
course the first film to win the big umm title, is DC’s Wonder Woman; a movie
that proved that you can in-fact make a good movie out of a DC property that
doesn’t involve Batman. The second film on the docket is Professor Marston and
the Wonder Women which focuses its narrative on the unconventional life of William
Moulton Marston the creator of Wonder Woman.
Best in
Show
Despite
being a relatively so-so year in movies, there were a few in theaters and on
video/Netflix/Amazon that managed to impress me. Early this year I caught A
Monster Calls in theaters which definitely set the bar high. When February
rolled around Get Out caught my eye and too be honest it’s held my top spot for
theatrical all the way through, fending off Mother!, Ingrid Goes West, The
Florida Project and Star Wars.
In the
realm of home release the competition was a lot stiffer. I finally got around
to watching last year’s The Handmaiden which positively blew me away. All That
Jazz, Netflix’s Mudbound, the 80’s feminist film A Question of Silence and
Akira Kurosawa’s excellent Throne of Blood all left quite an impression on me. Oddly
enough however, the choice ended up being a toss-up between two very good documentaries:
I Am Not Your Negro and 13th. It was a super tough decision but I
ultimately went with I Am Not Your Negro based solely on its ability to weave
its themes into the personal story of influential civil rights writer James
Baldwin.
And now for the rest of the yearbook...
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