The Madness of Working on Yourself

One of my goals for the year was writing one hundred blog posts by the end of the year. It's the end of July and I've only written eight. Don't get me wrong, I still have been writing every day either through joke writing or personal journal entries. But the fact that I have yet to really make headway in this endeavor is not filling me with joy.

But what differentiates the blog format in my eyes, is the audience I am speaking to. A Journal entry is personal - I'm able to talk to myself as myself and reflect upon the day's goings-on. Jokes are on the opposite of the spectrum - an external expression of who I want to present to a crowd. Who I am v who I want to be. Blogs are kind of in that in-between space for me. I want to be able to be myself but I also want to be aspirational and present myself well. It's the equivalent of going on a date. Do you have the wherewithal to know you have some bad habits? Yes. But you're not about to floss your teeth with a piece of sock string just meeting someone. That doesn't happen until the third or fourth date.

Additionally, there's the issue of - you know - other people. No man is an island and if you're human and not a hermit, your life has been impacted directly or indirectly by lots of people. Talking about others no matter how innocuously in a public setting (such as on a blog which anyone can theoretically read), runs the risk of misrepresenting another living human being - which is no bueno.

It's interesting reflecting on the lives we lead.

I probably wouldn't be writing today if not for the goal sheet I keep as an Excel cluttering my desktop display. At the beginning of the year, I wrote down my highest aspirations and put them into the universe in the vaguest of terms. Then I tailored them to fit the SMART goal format because that's the method I was taught by my year of trauma...I mean Americorp. Then I broke it down further into specific pieces that clicked into my main scripts of life. Ugh...this is becoming a thing now. Okay, I'll explain.

So My main scripts of life are as follows:

• Mindfulness - learning to be present and trying to be aware of my feelings and actions.
• Ubuntu - making my actions affect others in a positive way (it's a shortening of a Swahili phrase meaning "I am through others").
• Hygge - The Danish word describing a quality of coziness and conviviality
• Comic Framing - The challenge to look broadly at the funny side of things whether it be silly, absurd, dark or light.

So for example my goal in its vaguest form was "Become a professional comedian and comedy writer." Cool - so now one of the many pieces of that: "I will write 100 blog posts this year." Breaking down that sentence into a SMART goal:

Specific: 100 is specific
Measurable: I can count them
Achievable: Have/had 365 days to do it!
Relevant: Relevant to my vague goal of comedy writing to the extent of keeping good work habits.
Time-bound: EOY.

Now the scripts to which this is all attached to - drum roll - Mindfulness and Comic Framing of course!

Is this the markings of insanity? You should see my 4 notebooks detailing the methods to which I approach jokes, the cork board full of post-its and the excel graphs of my laughs per minute average (LPM).

And this is just one aspect of life! I have 4 more other goals I am aiming towards. I want to make more money, want to make new friends, want to be confident in myself and be responsible enough to handle another person's affections. It's a lot to tackle but not when I break everything down.

So I have 5 more months to write 91 posts. That's 18-19 entries per month. Can I do it? Guess we'll find out!