Assassin's Creed

Year: 2016

Genre: Action

Directed: Justin Kurzel

Stars: Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons, Brendan Gleeson, Charlotte Rampling, Michael Kenneth Williams, Denis Menochet, Ariane Labed, Khalid Abdalia, Essie Davis, Callum Turner

Production: Regency Film

I risk very little in saying there has not been an outright good movie adaptation of a videogame, like ever. Sure the Resident Evil (2002-Present) series does have its fair share of zombie obsessed sycophants and Super Mario Bros. (1993) does have an unintentional charm to it, but let’s face it, everything from this year’s Warcraft (2016) to Mortal Kombat (1994) have been an outright duds.

For real though...

But if ever there was an IP best suited for the cinematic treatment it’d be Assassin’s Creed. Not only does the superficial sword-and-sandal aspect of the series lend itself to some pretty satisfying action sequences, but the story was, at times, interesting enough to not always press “skip” every time you reached a pause in gameplay. The story in this case concerns Cal (Fassbender), a violent death row inmate and last of a long line of Assassins – a shadowy group who unbeknownst to him are charged with hiding the film’s magical maguffin. In order to retrieve it, Cal is recruited by the Templars (another shadowy organization) and is subjected to a mechanical arm called the Animus, which artificially recreates the memories of his ancestor Aguilar. We then criss-cross between modern times and inquisition era Spain where we’re immersed in enough medieval cloak and dagger intrigue to fill the pages of a mediocre Dan Brown novel.

Or at least we could have been, if this clumsy little movie had enough sense to leave us where all the action is. Unfortunately most of the movie is spent inside the Templar's lab/prison complex where Cal trades asinine barbs with nameless would-be allies and hammers out his daddy issues with the Templar’s high minded lady scientist, Sofia (Cotillard). These scenes are so painfully stilted with the stale air of pretension, that I’m amazed audiences didn’t choke on the fumes. Sci-fi jargon is strained unceremoniously through the film's obnoxious editing process while philosophical and theological terms are thrown around with the showy pomposity of a d**k measuring contest. All of this, of course, is to serve a un-disputably silly conspiracy plot that no doubt has a sub-section on Reddit with die hard fans debating its merits.

The hell are they smoking down there?!

But fine - If we're going to be silly let's be f***ing silly! There are no rules suggesting historical fiction can't involve parkour flipping ninjas foiling the plans of Torquemada whilst juggling knifes like a traveling carnival act. Unfortunately for audience members, Assassin's Creed wants you to take the whole thing as serious as a stroke. It sticks us with a faux-exotic second-rate soundtrack, dampens the sci-fi scenes with superficial pop-philosophy and sticks enough smoke and grime into the medieval scenes to fill a pit smoker. All the while, Michael Fassbender is trying so hard to sell the role that I was concerned his fits of rage would give him an embolism.

Every other side character in this film looks about as bored as a kid brother watching their older sibling play the actual game. That's impressive when you consider that Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons, Charlotte Rampling, Michael Kenneth Williams and Brendan Gleeson have enough awards and award nominations between them to start a gold mine. Only actress Ariane Labed looks like she's trying, playing a fellow assassin whose scenes were cut to the point where we don't even know her name.

With all that said, Assassin's Creed is not Mortal Kombat; It's not House of the Dead (2003), it's not Doom (2005) and it's definitely not Alone in the Dark (2005). I suppose if you come in with bargain bin barrel expectations you can still have a good time. But for those who were expecting Assassin's Creed to be the movie that finally proves video games can be good movies, I'm afraid you'll have to wait a little longer in the dark before serving the light.

Final Grade: F

The Bottom 10 Worst Movies of the Year

I'm not sure about you guys but I can't end the year without taking a much deserved final swipe at the movies that wasted my time this year. As I said before I tried to get to the movie theater as often as I could. I even made it a point to watch movies I didn't think I would enjoy. Admittedly, there were a few surprises; I didn't go into Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates or The Girl on the Train expecting much, but both managed to at least entertain me. Not so much with the list below. These movies are a special kind of atrocious. So atrocious in fact, that I'm just going to let them f***ing have it.

As I've said before, I haven't seen everything this year so some movies that may get added soon include: Norm of the North, Miracles From Heaven, Exposed, Mother's Day,
Nine Lives and Hillary's America.

10. Independence Day: Resurgence

What on earth were they thinking, making a sequel to a movie whose very appeal is its stand alone simplicity? The makers of this soulless piece of pop culture garbage greatly overestimated the gullibility of movie audiences. They tried so hard to channel nostalgia when there was nothing there, re-teaming more than half the original cast with a gaggle of handsome nobodies and repeating themes from the original beat by beat. What results is a soulless, inept and insulting film that had me wishing the cinema ceiling caved in over me.

9. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

This movie somehow took an inherently silly, goofy and fun little idea and somehow make it feel as boring, depressing and turgid as a Twilight (2008-2012) movie. Who on earth was this asinine movie even for? Fervid fans of Jane Austen's tale of class, status and social misunderstandings? Teens obsessed with zombies but not mature enough for the R-Rated carnage that usually accompanies zombies? Congratulations Cross Creek Productions, you made a movie specifically for Tina Blecher of Bob's Burgers (2011-Present).

8. The 5^th Wave

The 5th Wave is yet another attempt to appeal to the ridiculously specific and interminably flaky young adult/dystopian future crowd. Only this time instead of giving us a story that works on any level, the makers of this sad, expired bowl of marshmallow fluff decided let's be as beholden to cliche as possible. What results is a film full of far too many coincidences and a third act surprise that if you didn't see coming, you'd be angry at yourself for not guessing it. This thing is the equivalent of being on autopilot, headed straight for a mountain face. You know something is terribly wrong but by the time you realize it, it's just too late.

7. The Brothers Grimsby
The supposed showstopping comedic cherry atop of this s**t sundae is Sasha Baron Cohen rummaging around an elephant's vagina...need I say more?

6. Boo! A Madea Halloween
At this point it's painfully obvious Tyler Perry just isn't trying anymore, which considering his entire filmography is quite jarring. Boo! is a boring, un-funny, sophomoric and pointless Halloween disaster whose tangentially related bits of asinine dialogue doesn't even win over the most stringent of Tyler Perry fans. With any luck, Perry's Madea series will go straight to video so innocent theater audiences will be spared by his sad, cringe-worthy minstrel act. Personally I'd rather watch the Ernest movies (1983-1998) again.

5. God’s Not Dead 2
God's Not Dead 2 is not a movie; it is a fear-mongering piece of propaganda hoping to increase the heart rate of angry culture warriors who haven't been relevant since they freaked out about the Starbucks holiday cups. This trilogy (yes they're making another one) makes no sense from a narrative perspective and argues for a very gross, narrow, hijacked version of Christianity that doesn't even have the brain to argue it well. At some point I was really hoping Clarissa would Explain It All (1991-1994) but alas at many points she looks just as dumbfounded as audiences did.

4. Max Steel
For those of you looking forward to the Power Rangers movie, check out Max Steel and consider it a worst case scenario. This movie is a turgid, poorly shot, poorly edited and poorly written superhero movie that adds absolutely nothing to the genre. The tragic part is Max Steel seems at times to be trying. Cast and crew no doubt worked extra hard to make this movie into something it's not, drawing more attention to its cheapness the more they do. They stoked the fires as much as they could but alas this movie is and has always been nothing more than ash.

3. Zoolander 2
If ever there was a more obvious exhibition of hubris on the part of a movie's originator, it's Ben Stiller mugging for the camera during Zoolander 2. The first movie, for all its lunacy sorta-kinda worked because the joke was almost entirely on Stiller's Derek Zoolander and to a lesser extent Hansel (Owen Wilson) his equally inept sidekick. Here the joke is clearly on us. Stiller hoped to distract us from the fact his movie has no plot with countless cameos and Penelope Cruz's bosoms - No dice Mr. Stiller. Your movie was a bad, and you should feel bad for having us sit through it.

2. Yoga Hosers
2016 was officially the year writer/director Kevin Smith admitted he just doesn't give a f**k anymore. As evidence, we were given Yoga Hosers, part two of his horror comedy True North trilogy (2014-Present) which took the budding careers of Lily-Rose Depp and Harley Quinn Smith and squished them like sun-baked sauerkraut left on the street during Oktoberfest. Yoga Hosers is the equivalent of purposely kicking a soccer ball out of bounds. You think you're being funny but everyone else is annoyed and already knows you're just covering up the fact you can't play. If you're wondering why I didn't add a Hockey metaphor in there - because f**k you, that's why.

1. The Disappointments Room
Um, wow. I really didn't think they made movies like this anymore. That is to say horridly contrived, silly and sad horror flicks that don't make a lick of sense and can only hope for a second life getting riffed on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (1988-1999). This thing is a top-down disaster. There's absolutely nothing redeeming about it other than it's mercifully short run time. No doubt The Disappointments Room is the worst movie of 2016 and arguably one of the worst films ever made.

Top 10 Best Films of 2016

This year marks the first time I am writing an official Top 10. The reason for this is despite being a film fanatic, I didn’t go to the theaters nearly as often as I should have in the past. This year, however I vowed to watch as many movies as I could on the big screen. I plunged head first into movies this year – I lived them, breathed them, devoured them with the perilous zest of an angry Monster swilling Neanderthal revving his engine just before a green light. Yes, I was racing for pink slips this year and unsurprising to no one, I got to the finish line with tons to talk about.

Visual recreation of me rolling through the New Year!

So here is my Top 10 Best Films of 2016. A brief disclaimer, due to the fact that I do actually work for a living and don’t live in Los Angeles or New York, there are a few movies I either haven't seen yet or just missed. I’m not sure if they would make the list but some possible additions later on might include: Silence, Lion, The Founder, Gold, American Honey, Live by Night and 20th Century Woman.

10. Captain America: Civil War
This year was a good year for superhero films…well this year was more of a decent year…okay really there were only three outright good superhero films and 2/3rds of them were made by Marvel (the other third being Deadpool). At this point Marvel has become such an unstoppable monolith of high-quality, high-stakes, high-flying entertainment that giving them a spot on this list is done so pretty much begrudgingly. Yet there’s no denying Captain America: Civil War isn’t just good but damn good, both as a piece of pop-culture entertainment and a well written, well plotted continuation of the MCU soap opera. Sure there’s some mumbo-jumbo about global politics which only now seems more salient, but what really made Civil War stick were the characters. That and that big climactic fight at the airport; seriously that s**t was lit!

9. Moana
While superhero films did take a bit of a tumble, animated films did in fact have a pretty good year. Seems there was a little something for everyone, whether you’re into the artisan detail of Kubo and the Two Strings, the profane glee of Sausage Party, or the predictable sweetness of Finding Dory. Then of course there’s The Secret Life of Pets which I’m told audiences liked…for some reason. Then there’s Moana who took the Disney Princess tradition and went in new and interesting directions with it. Armed with a delightful voice cast and an incredible musical soundtrack provided by Opetaia Foa'i, Mark Mancina and Lin-Manuel Miranda, Moana might just rival Frozen (2013) as the best animated musical in recent memory.

8. Hell or High Water
Hell or High Water was one of the first unexpected surprises of the year. The elegy western about two brothers going on a bank robbing spree was so gracefully told and so wracked with baked-in tension that it basically stands in a category all its own. The cast is excellent all around with particular praise given to Ben Foster and Jeff Bridges who plays the Texas Ranger tasked with bringing the brothers down. Despite rave critical reviews and heavy attendance by the older set, Hell or High Water didn’t get as much attention by mainstream audiences as it deserved so if you have a chance, seek this slow-cooking crime thriller out.

7. Sing Street
Growing up is so hard to do. This year we got our fair share of coming-of-age stories; some good (The Edge of Seventeen) some not so good (I’m Not Ashamed). Though this year’s most joyous and colorful coming-of-age tale has to be Sing Street. For those who haven’t seen it, Sing Street is the tale of Dublin native Conor Lalor (Ferdia Walsh-Peelo) who starts a fledgling new wave band to impress a girl. What results is something of a conventional love story with unconventional results, aided by a killer soundtrack and nostalgia that doesn’t seem like a cynical marketing ploy. If you’re not smiling and giggling like a goofy Catholic school boy the moment the band first meet up to shoot a music video, you clearly have never tried to be creative.

6. Moonlight
Of course, Sing Street isn’t the only coming-of-age story in the mix. Moonlight, the story of a young black youth’s quest to find himself has to be one of the most emotionally engrossing films to come out this year. Three separate actors play the young Chiron as he comes to terms with his sexuality amid the backdrop of War on Drugs era Miami. While doing so he treads the worn path of far too many black youth and make you not just bear his burdens but see, taste, touch and smell them too.

5. Hunt for the Wilderpeople
Hands down the biggest surprise of the year was Hunt for the Wilderpeople, a New Zealand import directed by famed native Taika Waititi. Waititi has become one of my favorite contemporary directors as of late; fancying himself a hybrid of a Loachian humanist and Monty Python. In this little tale set in the New Zealand bush, Ricky, a young, wannabe street tough is forced to rough it in the backwoods with his would-be adoptive father. Due to a series of unfortunate events, Ricky and Hec (played by a grumpy Sam Neill) end up on the run from authorities and must work together to avoid capture. Part heart-warming father-son story, part survival movie, Wilderpeople is steeped in light-hearted humor that can’t helped but be loved.

4. Manchester by the Sea
Manchester by the Sea is a challenging, heart-wrenching but ultimately rewarding movie about grief and how humans of all stripes deal with loss. Told with uncommon poignancy by director Kenneth Lonergan, this kindly Massachusetts marvel truly shines with the inclusion of Casey Affleck and Michelle Williams as a loner who recently lost a brother and his estranged ex-wife respectively. This movie is just devastating in its sincerity and I can’t help but admire the way it approaches its subjects with patience and grace to spare. Manchester by the Sea is still in theaters so if you aren’t scared of getting a little melancholy this holiday season, this movie may just be for you.

3. Arrival
A riveting and tense alien-invasion film whose main source of tension is getting humans and aliens to speak to each other? Surely you jest. Yet Arrival did just that this year, taking a setup that most storytellers would use to scare the crap out of you and make it a beckoning to reach the angels of our better nature. Amy Adams stars as that better angel; a talented linguist whose approach to the aliens just might save us all from killing each other. This movie is amazing both thematically and in its ability to bend the arc of the story in interesting ways while still managing to be grounded. It’s definitely one of those movies you can’t help but discuss and argue about afterwards.

2. Zootopia
While a sizable portion of the United States was rejecting multiculturalism this election, earlier in the spring Disney was in rare form embracing people (or rather animals) of all walks of life. Zootopia is the story of a determined little bunny desiring to become a big city police officer. After a lot of hard work, she makes it on the force, only to be designated parking duty by the city’s gruff police chief. But after a mystery involving missing predators ends up in Judy’s hands, it’s up to her and a streetwise fox to solve the crimes before things in Zootopia go haywire. Not only is Zootopia a pretty impressive and engrossing yarn but the moral messaging of the film, in a basic sense is about accepting others and working through your differences to address larger problems. It’s easy to understand messaging, but it’s told with such reverence to character and story that it can’t help but be one of the best films of the year.

1. La La Land
Yet out of all the films on this list, the most fun you can possibly have at a movie theater this year is sitting down and watching La La Land. Everything about this movie is near perfect from its casting, to its memorable music, charming dance numbers, romantic imagery, infectious choreography and beautiful montage camerawork and editing. The story couldn’t be simpler; boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, they both lean on each other so they chase their dreams in the glistening streets of Tinseltown. Immediately after watching this movie every audience member was in full rictus. La La Land is an uncompromising crowd-pleaser that has the temerity to be charming, light-hearted and fun while still having the dramatic chops to back all that fluff up. I loved this movie and chances are if you see it, you’ll love it too.

Jackie

Year: 2016
Genre: Drama
Directed: Pablo Larrain
Stars: Natalie Portman, Peter Sarsgaard, Greta Gerwig, Billy Crudup, John Hurt, Richard E. Grant, Caspar Phillipson, Beth Grant, John Carroll Lynch, Max Casella, Sara Verhagen, Corey Johnson
Production: Fox Searchlight

It seems whenever December rolls around there comes a usual glut of Oscar contenders which, for better or worse end up dominating your local cineplex, just around the time you're in the mall doing some last minute shopping. These pretty ponies are almost always saddled up with tried-and-true story elements sure to grab some Academy attention whether they be, harrowing true life tragedies, soporifically obvious vanity projects and/or exercises in Hollywood navel-gazing.

Time to touch these suckers up again.

Jackie certainly tics a few of those boxes off, bringing you a virtuoso performance by an established American actress playing a real life person, in this case Jackie Kennedy Onassis. Yet Jackie isn't just satisfied giving audiences the Epcot version of what you'd expect. No this movie piles a whole other layer of insight and poise to the Oscar procession this year.

Jackie jumps around, over, and in-between the weeks following the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Stoked with uncomfortable closeups and a discordant soundtrack, Jackie's (Portman) POV is exhaustively recounted whilst talking to an unnamed journalist (Crudup). Piece by piece, we cobble together Jackie's mindset after the assassination. The mindset of a bereaved wife and mother complicated by the duties of a public servant, the social pressures of family and administers and her own desire to preserve what became known as Camelot.

The film variegates in a few key scenes, with Jackie introducing a film crew (and the country) to new White House renovations she oversaw years prior. She displays an uncomfortable poise with all the fuss and attention; laboring to make her points clear amid interrupting questions and her own Long Island lockjaw. People who remember the Kennedy Administration no doubt remember her interview/tour of the White House as an introduction - Camelot as a place of legend. Jackie builds, forges and maintains this legend; first during the tour, then during the funeral and presumably at every point in-between.

Yet Jackie is not the story of a callous woman looking to save face - or at least not just to save face. Her controversial plan for a funeral procession through D.C. and burial at Arlington National Cemetery is imbued with a swirl of sorrow and regret which she tries and fails to avoid. "I could have saved him," she says finally. Her grief seems etched in her face like wrinkles of scar tissue. Through Natalie Portman's performance alone, it's easy to make comparisons to the quiet dignity of The Queen (2006) or the dilettantism of The Iron Lady (2011).

Yet Jackie isn't just a solo act. It's a delicate dance between Portman and director Pablo Larrain who's camera invades her world with the intensity of a gadfly. We're close, so close to Jackie and to a lesser extent Robert Kennedy (Sarsgaard) that the walls of gold she builds as protection can't help but depress under the weight of her sorrow and the director's prodding. Larrain, whose previous work includes the fiery docudrama No (2012) uses some of the same techniques here to pierce through the veil of the Kennedy legend. Yet while the events of No were personal to the director, Jackie feels more like a curiosity. A movie whose subject is just out of reach and in some cases being exploited for the sake of good cinema.

What results is a movie that feels like we're an outsider, briefly and suddenly given access to a person's most trying moments. We wade into the wells of sadness, we peek into the bitterness and gasp at the trauma all the while Jackie struggles everyday to find the strength to carry on. She eventually finds such strength, largely through being a keeper of the flame to a complicated political dynasty.

Final Grade: B+

Sing

Year: 2016

Genre: Animated Musical

Stars: Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, Seth McFarlane, Scarlett Johansson, John C. Reilly, Taron Egerton, Tori Kelly, Jennifer Saunders, Jennifer Hudson, Garth Jennings, Nick Kroll, Beck Bennett, Peter Serafinowicz,

Directed: Christophe Lourdelet, Garth Jennings

Production: Illumination

This premise is way older than you think.

Sing is one of those incredibly obvious ideas, that it’s a wonder no one had thought to do it before. By taking the mold of a “let’s-put-on-a-show” style revue, Sing aptly intermingles two of the most widespread popular culture phenomena cooked up over the last quarter-century: singing competitions and talking furry animals. The whole thing pretty much writes itself. Yet just because the film lives comfortably amid expected clichés, and risks very little in being upbeat, doesn’t mean it’s any less vibrant, sincere and fun.

Hang on, something seems a bit off here...

That sincerity is primarily worn on the sleeve of one Buster Moon (McConaughey), a theater owner whose last few shows have failed to generate any excitement. In a last ditch effort to save his theater from foreclosure, Moon banks everything on a singing competition with a grand prize of $1,000. Due to a printing mishap, a couple of zeros are added on to the prize, peaking the attention of every struggling and wannabe vocal star within city limits. Such talents include an underappreciated housewife of 25 piglets (Witherspoon), a teenage porcupine (Johansson), an ape whose father would rather see his son follow his footsteps (Egerton), an egotistical crooner with a propensity for Rat Pack music (McFarlane) and an elephant with bad stage fright (Kelly).

Much of the movie juggles between the stories of its supporting cast, all of which we only get cliff notes of their foibles. At times it can be a bit jarring; like listening to the radio while someone else if flipping through your favorite channels. Yet when the film finally settles into its groove, the diversity of the cast, and how well they gel together, goes a pretty long way. We get to see them struggle through rehearsal and balance their personal lives with the limelight. Not all of them get along, and as with any stage show, things don’t always go according to plan, forcing them to test their metal. At the center of it all is Moon, the stubborn, foolhardy Koala whose dreams are barely held together by a defiant can-do attitude.

It all pretty much unfolds as you would expect.  The only real surprises to be had don’t come up within the story but rather the audience guessing which character will be flipping the switches most often on the plot mechanics. Since that burden is so evenly divided among the cast, we feel like we’re spending more valuable time with them and get a sense of satisfaction when our favorite character’s circuit is finally closed.

Still, really freakin' annoying!

People will no doubt compare Sing to Zootopia (2016) due to their superficial similarities. I would think a more apt comparison would be Trolls (2016) which, like Sing tried to drown out unpleasantness with unfettered chirpiness. Yet here there’s a little something for everyone. Who you are, and in some cases what you listen to, basically determines which character/s you will most easily identify with. Permeating through all the stories is just enough adversity for characters to understand the stakes. Thus the comforting cheerfulness feels not just natural but earned.

Happy Holidays y'all!

Call it a feeling of magnanimity before the Holiday season but in my humble opinion Sing is just what the doctor ordered. It’s a fun, breezy, goofy little jukebox musical that is pretty much the movie equivalent of comfort food. It may not leave you with a lasting smile but it will give you a smile nonetheless.

Final Grade: C+

Passengers

Year: 2016
Genre: Space Adventure
Stars: Jennifer Lawrence, Chris Pratt, Michael Sheen, Laurence Fishburne, Andy Garcia, Vince Foster, Julee Cerda, Kara Flowers, Aurora Perrineau, Kristin Brock, Lauren Farmer
Directed: Morten Tyldum
Production: Columbia Pictures

Science Fiction is supposed to be about big ideas. It's supposed to utilize our highest aspirations, exhibit our biggest accomplishments, perhaps exploit our biggest fears. When we venture to a long time ago in a galaxy far away, go where no man has gone before or stumble into another edition of Thunderdome, it's expected that in these fantastical worlds, there's something important worth saying. Passengers seems to be saying anything, and I mean anything, is justified in the name of romance. Oh goody, a space adventure with the mentality of a mid-nineties romantic comedy. Bring on the creepy.

Chris Pratt plays...well he plays Chris Pratt, there's no point spelling out names because you won't remember them but you will remember two of the hottest stars in Hollywood today getting freaky amid lustrous starlight. Chris wakes up 90 years too early on a 120 year mission to a distant planet colony. Jennifer Lawrence joins him later and the two struggle to adjust to the prospect of living their entire adult lives in isolation and solitude.

Your opinion of this space adventure, glitches and all, is dependent on whether you can stomach one fateful decision on the part of Chris Pratt. That one decision colors the entire movie and can either force an audience member to actively rationalize everything afterward or squirm uncomfortably as things slowly fall apart. If you're the forgiving type, keep in mind that you will have to excuse a gauntlet of romantic and sci-fi cliches, propped up by funhouse mirror versions of everything you've seen before, splattered against the two most cardboard characters since Adam and Eve.

Then the Lord sayeth cut the blue wire, and lo it was the red.

If you're a squirmer like me, you will not be enthused by the rudimentary character dynamics, forced sci-fi pablum and syrupy verbal diarrhea that bursts forth with the intensity of an oncoming meteor. Nor will you be happy by the fact that Jennifer Lawrence, an actress famous for playing a host of strong independent women, is stuck playing a space-age pinup whose big climax should come with a Schubert aria. To say nothing of Laurence Fishburne's character who speaks fluent exposition and, likely sizing up the room, decides to leave the movie without so much as a goodbye.

Make no mistake, you're stuck with Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence for almost the entirety of this movie. And unlike one-man shows like Cast Away (2000) and Moon (2009), Passengers has absolutely nothing important to say about anything. It's a sleek-looking but dull and infuriatingly brainless movie that amazingly thinks the solution to every complex human relationship is live in the present, and the solution to every technical problem is, turn it off and turn it back on again.

Final Grade: F