Green Room

Year: 2015
Genre: Horror
Directed: Jeremy Saulnier
Stars: Anton Yelchin, Imogen Poots, Alia Shawkat, Patrick Stewart, Macon Blair, Joe Cole, Callum Turner, David W. Thompson, Mark Webber, Brent Werzner
Production: Broad Green Pictures

Good Lord, what have we unleashed? For the last few years director Jeremy Saulnier has been haunting the independent movie scene with his idiosyncratic aesthetic. His coup the triumph; Blue Ruin (2013) became a festival darling garnering slow and steady support via home video and late-night HBO reruns. I had the pleasure of seeing Blue Ruin and thinking its subversive tension was the kick in the pants modern cinema needed. But Green Room...well Green Room is an entirely different beast.

The story begins rather pensively. Four band mates of a proudly lo-fi punk band take a gig at a rural ramshackle club somewhere in the Pacific Northwest. They're warned the patrons of the club are Nazi far-right (though really ultra-left) types but the foursome aren't exactly in any position to be picky. The show goes off without a hitch but before they can leave Pat (Yelchin) witnesses a grisly murder thus sealing the band's fate as the next victims of Darcy (Stewart) and his cult of skinheads. Caught in her own story is Amber (Poots) who was friends with the deceased.

What sets Green Room apart from other slasher films is it's economy of narrative. Not a single frame is wasted on unnecessary background, boring exposition dumps or contrived wrap-ups and explanations. Everything that can and should be known about the characters, and the story itself is implied visually. One could put the film on mute and still feel intimately involved with the band and grimly bracing for impending doom.

Green Room wisely trades in Blue Ruin's callous and quirky tension for a corrosive sense of dread that soaks through the story like an open wound. This dread is personified by Patrick Stewart who does a fabulous job playing against type as the club's true-believer owner. Unlike the majority of his underlings, who respond to the adrenaline poisoning their veins, Stewart's Darcy is always collected. It's as if he's done this kind of thing before and has no compunction making a group of washout twenty-somethings disappear. Even if that means losing a couple of hungry pitbulls in the process.

Green Room takes all the familiar elements of a slasher horror film and quietly tinkers with them, bringing it's audience a lean and mean little movie. It'd be hard to pigeonhole this film as a simple and effective horror film or a solid suspense film. It's both and neither. When the story comes to a crossroads, it always veers towards tactile suspense over outright gore (though to be clear gore is clear and abundantly present). Green Room brings to mind the best elements of Assault on Precinct 13 (1976) mixed with the dread of Halloween (1978) and visual leitmotifs that would have made Kieslowski smile.

Like Pandora's box, Prometheus's fire or playing Jumanji (1995) for the first time, the world has been properly introduced to the likes of director Jeremy Saulnier. He's a man of great skill and an obvious fixation with the macabre, though always for the sake of a good story. Here's to hoping Saulnier has a bright future which I have a hunch may include a newly minted Three Colors Trilogy (1993-1994) for the modern age.

Like this only more violent and less French

Final Grade: B+

Lone Star

Year: 1996
Genre: Drama
Directed: John Sayles
Stars: Chris Cooper, Elizabeth Pena, Kris Kristofferson, Matthew McConaughey, Clifton James, Miriam Colon, Joe Morton, Eddie Robinson, Ron Canada, Frances McDormand
Production: Castle Rock

Lone Star is a slice of home-spun, football lovin', BBQ rubbing, Americana if written by Euripides. John Sayles, our intrepid writer/director has made a film at once so casually poignant and quietly radical that it runs the risk of being forgotten by the masses. The film is an obscura trifecta; radical, pensively paced and hard to find. Yet if you manage to get a hold of Sayles so-called greatest triumph, you may find a lot to love including the central mystery which is enough to fill the annals of a TV series.

Lookin' at you Cold Case (2003-2010)

Frontera, Texas, the border town in which Lone Star takes place, was once a rough-and-tumble hub for shoot first-types, crooked card games and illegal immigration. The most crooked in town was Sheriff Charlie Wade (Kristofferson) who wouldn't let anything pass without first getting a cut of the action. Forty years after the reign and sudden disappearance of the man, Sheriff Sam Deeds (Cooper) uncovers Wade's body. The main suspect; Sam's father and former Frontera Sheriff Buddy Deeds (McConaughey). Thus begins a seemingly straightforward cold-case that gets more muddled as more characters get involved.

Much of the story is told in inspired moments of flashback, which tend to blur into the present like ghosts out of the living past. Many side-stories are peppered in to give the story a mosaic or puzzle-like quality, with each individual part somehow clicking into a larger picture. These stories include the budding romance that might have been between a young Sam and Pilar (Pena) who now works as a school history teacher in town. There's also the conflict between Colonel Del (Morton) and father Otis (Canada) who sees the same mistakes he made with Del being repeated with his grandson Chet (Robinson). Finally there's the legend of Buddy Deeds himself, which towers over all like a shadow.

The story, through its structure evokes a sense of history, continuation and context, not all of which is pleasant. We as the audience are asked to experience cruel moments of racial hatred and prejudice which constantly segregates the lives of Frontera's white and black minorities, the Mexican-American majority and the lives of Native Americans largely represented by a single man selling knick-knacks on a road leading nowhere. Within the modern timeline, concerned teachers and parents complain that Pilar's teaching method includes conflicting historical accounts including: almost sacrilegiously, dissenting opinions about the Mexican-American War. "We won, we get bragging rights," screams one teacher while puffing his chest. Pilar defends herself by championing context over propaganda.

There are other examples of people trying to interpret, make sense or ignore the past. When Otis is not tending bar, he hunts down Black Seminole artifacts as a way of connecting to his ancestors. Bunny (McDormand), Sam's ex-wife conceals the hurt of their failed marriage with pills and football. Meanwhile Pilar's mother Mercedes (Colon) completely conceals her past, only hinting at it when she chastises those in her employ for not speaking English. Then of course there's Sam who partially out of naivety and partially out of a desire to pick apart his father's legend, thrusts himself into the 40-year-old murder investigation, despite never really wanting to be sheriff in the first place.

What he reveals challenges the conception of truth itself. Can it be known, and if it can, should it be known? Despite Lone Star occasionally ebbing into second act doldrums, the complexity of the story never bores. With an almost constructionist attachment to noir, Lone Star deconstructs the fences we all erect for ourselves all while telling a mesmerizing story about law, order, race and history. While John Sayles has always stricken me as an auteur whose eyes are too big for his stomach, in this case; Lone Star is a certified masterpiece.

Final Grade: A-

Everybody Wants Some!!

Year: 2016
Genre: Comedy
Directed: Richard Linklater
Stars: Blake Jenner, Zoey Deutch, Juston Street, Ryan Guzman, Tyler Hoechlin, Wyatt Russell, Glen Powell, Temple Baker, J. Quinton Johnson, Will Brittain, Austin Amelio, Tanner Kalina, Forrest Vickery
Production: Annapurna Pictures

I start this review with a warning: this is a Richard Linklater joint. And I'm not talking about mainstream Linklater; the director responsible for the inspired School of Rock (2003) and the middling Bad News Bears (2005) remake. We're in deep youthful good-time meets pseudo-philosophical territory with Everybody Wants Some!! It claims to be the spiritual sequel to Dazed and Confused (1993), a film that mirrors the non-conforming narrative and deep affection for character in Linklater's latest. What sets Everybody Wants Some!! apart and just a sliver above Dazed and Confused is it's tighter focus on camaraderie.

The film begins with hotshot high school pitcher Jake (Jenner) driving to college circa 1980. He enters one of the two baseball houses just off campus and first meets the team's ultra-competitive captain McReynolds (Hoechlin) the easy-going Roper (Guzman), Dale (Johnson) the resident cynic (and their only black teammate), the gleeful Finnegan (Powell) and fellow freshman Plummer (Baker). Within a four day period, Jake meets and takes in the various quirks of the rest of his teammates all while attempting to woo a girl living back at the dorms.

At first glance, Everybody Wants Some!! sells itself as a good 'ol time college movie in the vain of Animal House (1978). Indeed Jake gets himself into the usual bacchanalian misadventures: smoking weed with team stoner-philosopher Willoughby (Russell), breaking up bar fights started by team hothead Jay (Street) and otherwise ambling into a multitude of parties. Yet beyond all the chaos and stupidity these knuckleheads get themselves into, there's an underlining theme of team bonding and brotherhood. The guys share their thoughts on life, music, booze, identity, and of course baseball. The upperclassmen then take the freshmen under their wings and show them the most important aspect of college life; women.

"The secret of being a bore is to tell everything"

Of course if a good time is all you're expecting then Everybody Wants Some!! is a home run providing laughs, merriment and a killer soundtrack. However, the film doesn't just settle as an updated version of Porky's (1981) it actually has a brain. Teammates such as Willoughby and Finnegan speak with poetry and passion evoking the thoughts of everyone from Voltaire to de Saussure. While not as well-spoken as many of the rest, Jake does get the blue ribbon for most dactylic interpretation of baseball. His teleological relation to the sport and the legend of Sisyphus surely would have made Kiekegaard smile.

Of course despite it's high-minded ideals, the film is not without its faults. The most egregious of which is it's casual sexism which, while can be chalked up to "period detail", nevertheless feels just plain gross. Linklater attempts to address this attitude within Jake's arc which begins with him rubbernecking girls and ends with him in a monogamous relationship. Yet with so many conflicting ideas on women in this film all bordering on paternalism, one can't help but think Linklater's broad sweep is just a way to avoid the issue. Sure there's fully developed female characters (okay really just one) but when the picture shows two women in white panties mud-wrestling what are we supposed to be thinking? "wow things were so weird back then," or are we supposed to think, "oh well, boys will be boys."

It's not sexism if you don't get caught!

Dreamily and nostalgically making its way through its self-imposed time-limit, Everybody Wants Some!! is a solid film. It casually drops nuggets of wisdom amid a mess of goofy shenanigans that are both funny and charming. The acting across the board is superb with each member of the group having time to shine. Humanistic in its perspective and memorable in its impact, Everybody Wants Some!! is that rare breed of film. One that's both raucous and shrewd.

Final Grade: B-

Essentials: Frances Ha

Year: 2012
Genre: Comedy
Directed: Noah Baumbach
Stars: Greta Gerwig, Mickey Sumner, Michael Esper, Adam Driver, Michael Zegen, Charlotte d'Amboise, Grace Gummer, Justine Lupe
Production: RT Pictures

It was my birthday recently. Officially I'm in my late-20's; the point in one's life where career goals take precedence over impromptu road trips with friends. Where settling into a routine is a sign of maturity and love is no longer about romance and magic but about compatibility and "the future". Needless to say, I'm not where I should be (are any of us?). Life can sometimes feel like playing a game after it's already started and realizing most of the game-pieces have gone missing. Sometimes we just have to make due.

Wait, so how many hit points do I get with my Frisbee?

Frances Ha is a kindhearted and bittersweet pat on the shoulder to those feeling the existential dread of growing up. When we first meet Frances (Gerwig) our free-spirited protagonist, she's hitting the New York City Subway with her best friend and roommate Sophie (Sumner). Sophie confirms Frances's fear that she'll be moving out and living with her fiancee Dan (Esper). That revelation, coupled with the dwindling hopes of making a coveted spot in her dance troop sends Frances into a tailspin. The film then gently drifts with Frances as she struggles to make the adjustments in her life she needs, while still shooting for the dreams that brought her this far.

Frances Ha is not a cautionary tale about the folly of dreams, nor is it an obnoxiously twee endorsement of their tenacity. Instead the camera follows our beleaguered hero with kind eyes, hoping to gain insight through granular subjectivity. By all respects Frances is a hot mess, but she exhibits an intelligence and effervescence that overwhelms the audience's inclination to call her and the people around her self-absorbed. We don't know what will become of Frances and her dreams but we as the audience are invited into every detail of her sun-kissed world. Even when she takes a fruitless trip to Paris; a dalliance few millennials can afford, we still sympathize with her and want her to succeed.

Both director Noah Baumbach and Greta Gerwig co-wrote the screenplay resulting in a film so nuanced and complex that it can't help but feel personal. The crisp black and white cinematography and elliptic montages sprinkled throughout evoke memories of the French New Wave yet the straightforward narrative aims for something more oblique than simply being a disruptive force. While Jules and Jim (1962) is brassy, Frances Ha is reticent; while Vivre Sa Vie (1962) is socio-political, Frances Ha is singular. Calling back to the visual aesthetics and style of the 60's, Baumbach and Gerwig successfully build a serene naturalistic world within the bustling monoliths of New York City. In Frances's own words "It's like magic."

Left: Jules et Jim (1962) Right: Frances Ha (2012)

At twenty-seven years old, Frances craves the emotional, intellectual and spiritual maturity that everyone around her seems to have. She asks others, almost naively, who she is and who she might become. She never realizes that the same people she asks don't have answers for themselves yet. Friends Benji (Zegen) and Lev (Driver) act like wayward Bohemians despite their breeding. Yet despite their pretensions they exhibit the same fears and the same aspirations as Frances and Sophie do. And much like Frances and Sophie, they eventually adapt and change. Dan and Sophie's supposedly solid relationship serves as a coda to Frances character development. The point in which Frances truly commits to change. I won't ruin the resolution to the story but I will say that when Frances muses "I like things that look like mistakes," you're still taken by her sunny disposition.

Frances Ha may not impact you as much as it did me. The film entered my life around the same time the film itself enters Frances's. I feel her pain, I have experienced her disappointments and thanks to the film's stark beauty, I have shared in her small triumphs and sweetly clumsy bemusement. Frances Ha forced me to examine who I was and where I'm going; a feat few films have made me do. The film ends with our plucky hero writing her name on a label. A small detail that makes a bold, if gawky pronouncement: "I am here." It's an inspiring final tableau; one that makes me feel better about not having my life together in my late-twenties.

Final Grade: A

Fire Maidens of Outer Space

Year: 1956

Genre: Sci-Fi Action

Directed: Cy Roth

Stars: Anthony Dexter, Paul Carpenter, Susan Shaw, Jacqueline Curtis, Harry Fowler, Sydney Tafler, Rodney Diak, Maya Koumani, Owen Berry, Richard Walter

Production: MGM British Studios

It's amazing what you can find when you're not looking. While surfing through the various sites I usually frequent to watch free movies, I stumbled across this inept little monstrosity hidden among poverty row horrors and cardboard cutout sci-fi. Released at the very beginning of the drive-in double-features golden age, Fire Maidens of Outer Space is arguably one of the worst films ever made.

Fire Maidens of Outer Space concerns a team of male astronauts who are launched from Earth to research one of Jupiter's Moons. When they arrive however they are greeted by a population of beautiful women seeking mates to continue the species. As far as plots go, it's not the worst sci-fi concept; it's somewhere between season 3 of Lost in Space (1965-1968) and Gene Roddenberry slumming it. Yet what sets Fire Maidens apart from other mediocre sci-fi; what makes it closest to the spirit of Ed Wood than any other movie in 1956 is it's abysmal failure on all fronts.

Quick! Let's get this shot done before the fuzz gets here!

The direction can be best described as shoot and point; giving no reference points, establishing shots and worse still, stealing all the atmosphere. The dialogue is asinine with so many poorly conscripted plot points and utterances seemingly taken out of Leave it to Beaver (1957-1963). Actors sit and stand in front of cobbled together sets that flimsily sway whenever blocking is required. When the crew stumbles around outside in what looks like a public park, the camera keeps a distance if only so the crew can avoid having to wait for a permit. As for the acting itself; well, let's just say its as cardboard as their spaceship.

Now by this point, fans of infamously bad director Ed Wood might have pricked their ears up. Does Fire Maidens truly saunter past that line of just plain awful into Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959) open DVD case at your own risk awful? Yes, Fire Maidens does reach that low, low bar, offering the same shoddy workmanship, sluggish editing and absurdly contrived goofiness you would expect. What's more Fire Maidens rewards an already suffering audience with pretentious Greek character names and blaring classical music screeching in the background. Who knew that a movie featuring a grousing scab monster would also feature a five minute interpretive dance about Grecian urns. Thanks movie for making me feel like being stuck in a dentist's waiting room, trapped under something heavy.

Seriously, Plan 9 (1959) is actually a better movie.

If Fire Maidens of Outer Space was made today, it would be on the dusty top shelf of a Freshman film student's dorm closet. It simply wouldn't be viewed unless that said student wanted to feel embarrassed. By virtue of being made in 1956 when out-of-control teenagers weren't really paying attention to the screen, the film did find distribution. Now we can see it on youtube.com for free. Thank goodness for the modern age. Because of it we get to watch bad movies for free insuring the only thing we waste is our time.

Final Grade: F

The President's Last Bang

Year: 2005
Genre: Black Comedy
Directed: Sang-Soo Im
Stars: Suk-Kyu Han, Yun-Shik Baek. Jae-Ho Song, Eung-Soo Kim, Sang-Geon Jo, Byung-Gil Kwun, Won-Joong Jung, Eun-Ji Jo, Yoon-Ah Kim, Jong-Jun Jung, Jae-Goo Lee, Sang-Ho Kim
Production: MK Pictures

In the United States we claim to have a long tradition of free expression which we hold dear, or at least insist we do. I say the words "we claim" because the ability to print Communist propaganda in Minnesota, sell gangsta rap in Arkansas and dunk a crucifixes in urine and call it art aren't exactly things that have been blithely accepted by America's moral majority. But while these things have been met with controversy, protest and even litigation, for the most part we as Americans enjoy a pretty wide birth when it comes to things we're willing to accept in the public square. This is not the case in other more draconian nations. "They hate us for our freedom," I hear some of you cry. Indeed, they're the countries we think about least; the Eastern Bloc kleptocracies, the South American socialists, the ultra-conservative caliphates and, of course, the bulwark remnants of Communism.

Looking at you buddy...

You wouldn't expect South Korea to be high on that list of freedom hating dystopias. Sure our understanding of the Korean peninsula is largely centered on the 1950-1953 era, but we all know South Korea is the "free" Korea, right? Well in 1961-1979, South Korea was actually under the leadership of Park Chung-Lee, a former military general turned President for life after a coup d'etat left the country in his power. Within a controversial 18 year reign, Park's expansion of emergency powers, curbing of constitutional rights and overall gestapo-ism led to large-scale student protests resulting in chaos and bloodshed.

Conspicuously left out of the movie

It is under those conditions we first meet Korean Central Intelligence Service (KCIA) Agent Ju (Han). Ju is the head of President Park's (Song) security detail and along with Director Kim (Baek) doesn't seem to like the libertine political figure too much. They along with Colonel Min (Kim) plan to assassinate the President at one of his luxurious villas. The entirety of the film takes place within the golden hours before the assassination attempt and twilight hours after the deed. It is at this point the history of the event gets a little hazy. If you're watching The President's Last Bang in the United States, you're used to true stories being fudged. But in South Korea, the events in the film comes with baggage.

The movie itself is menacing and uneasy in it's voyeurism. The feeling evoked by the cinematography is somewhere between bemusement and revulsion; it's otherworldly and murky all at once. The camera has a habit of peering out behind fences, and tilting and buzzing into the four corners of the room like a spying gadfly. Other times the camera seems to stand at attention, squinting up at grimacing generals and bookish bureaucrats. The only person we tend to view at eye level is Agent Ju, probably the only person in the group who's heart is in the right place.

Of course it's not that clear at first. Agent Ju calmly converses with fellow agents knowing full well he's likely going to kill them. We're thrown right into the action with Ju, Colonel Min and Director Kim never really explaining their actions. To those with familiarity on the subject, the feeling must have been similar to the gentle wisp of wind that pre-impacts a mousetrap. I, knowing nothing still tasted the bitter taste of adrenaline pumping through my veins.

The cynicism, bitterness and inspired bits of gallows humor all work in the film's favor serving a surprisingly literal film that, like the event itself, leaves you with more questions than answers. With judging eyes primed by President Park's bacchanalian vices we're chained to characters left either dead or disappointed and no one, including the audience is wiser for it.

It is arguably for that reason the reaction following the film is so polarizing. The Colonel and Director Kim state their reasons for the coup with identical democratic log lines. They along with their targets the President, Bodyguard (Jung) and Chief Secretary (Kwun) act unilaterally callous and equally despicable. Meanwhile President Park's legacy, which includes being Korea's "greatest president" according to actual Koreans, is thrown in the air like a flank steak being fed to pitbulls. The Park family successfully sued the production company for $105,000 over the President's portrayal. And before you go saying $105,000 is a tiny amount to a studio, also consider the Park family includes current president Park Geun-Hye.

Yup, that Park Geun-Hye

The President's Last Bang is quietly and assuredly one of the murkiest political statements ever committed to the screen. While speaking a story that offers little resolution, the images on the screen clearly pierces a wound into the psyche of contemporary Korea. Seeing the American DVD release, I was not aware until later that the Korean release purposely left blank screen for images deemed offensive. While that technical detail was left out of the American release, what's left out of both are 4 minutes of documentary footage of the student demonstrations that revealed Park for a despot.

Final Grade: B+

The Jungle Book

Year: 2016
Genre: Action Adventure
Directed: Jon Favreau
Stars: Neel Sethi, Bill Murray, Ben Kingsley, Idris Elba, Lupita Nyong'o, Scarlett Johansson, Giancarlo Esposito, Christopher Walken, Garry Shandling
Production: Walt Disney Studios

I realize that this particular argument is going to fall on deaf ears, especially given the excellent quality of the latest installment of Rudyard Kipling's "The Jungle Book." Yes it's epic, yes it has cutting edge special-effects, yes the young Neel Sethi does a great job and the voice acting is superb. Yet with the sequel to the brooding live-action Snow White adaptation limping to the barn on the same weekend and with word that Pinocchio (1940), Sword in the Stone (1963) and Mulan (1998) are all getting their own gritty live-action reboots, I can't help but think of the big picture.

Coming 2019

Unless you've lived under a rock for the last fifty years, you probably already know the plot of The Jungle Book. Mowgli (Sethi) is a young human (hereto known as a man-cub) raised by wolves in the thick jungles of India. After a run-in with malevolent tiger Shere Khan (Elba), the creatures of the jungle decide it'd be best if Mowgli finds shelter among his own kind. While Shere Khan is out for blood, the young man-cub is protected by Bagheera the panther (Kingsley), Baloo the bear (Murray), and Raksha (Nyong'o) and Akela the wolves (Esposito). Rounding out the cast are Kaa the snake (Johansson), the late Garry Shandling playing a porcupine and Christopher Walken who is pitch perfect as Louie king of the apes.

One could easily see the appeal of this story, not only from a narrative point of view but also from a bottom-line, surefire studio box office draw point of view. The film aptly plays upon the nostalgia of adults who grew up with The Jungle Book (1967) on VHS, while introducing kids to the litany of interesting characters that color the pages of Kipling's original tome. Not only are all your favorite characters on the screen but so are the only two songs you remember from the animated version. Sure the segues into the songs are a bit tortured, and no child under fifteen is going to walk out the theater humming them, but at least adults can carry the ditties in their heads, vaguely remembering the voices of Phil Harris and Louis Prima.

Round the rugged rock, the ragged rascal ran.

Disney Studios really does have a blockbuster on their hands but to hedge their bets they probably used an army of twitchy, caffeinated, sun deprived special-effects gurus to ensure that not a single shot was done anywhere near a jungle. Instead the entire film was beautifully recreated on a sound stage. No matter, as the environments are so well contextualized and director Jon Favreau's eye is so keen that you really can't tell. Furthermore the animal characters were so well done that at times the voice-acting couldn't quite jell, not because it was sloppily done but because the faces of the animals were so well mapped out, that it seemed impossible for Bagheera for example to roll his R's.

The Jungle Book continues a trend started by Cinderella (2015) as a faithful, gorgeous and oh so twee adaptation of Disney's long line of animated movies, themselves based on older stories, novellas and legends. Disney has had a lot of false starts with the goofy 101 Dalmatians (1996), the befuddled Maleficent (2014) and the abhorrently cynical Alice in Wonderland (2010). And of course there's the inspired but long forgotten 1994 Jungle Book which not only captured the essence of it's source material but added on some anti-colonialist subtext. It's hardily recommended you check that adaptation out before concluding the most recent adaptation to be the end-all-be-all.

As I said, I can't help but look at the big picture. That picture is cluttered; filling to the brim with further adaptations and reboots and sequels and prequels that prey upon your nostalgia to sell tickets and overpriced popcorn. They're not even subtle about it anymore. Jon Favreau, who has been known to take bold directorial risks every now and again, seems to be playing it safe for the foreseeable future; which is a real shame. Even on autopilot, Favreau makes something like this, which is a topnotch piece of mass-media entertainment. Imagine what he could do if he finally went off the chain.

Final Grade: C+

Dreamcatcher

Year: 2003
Genre: Horror
Directed: Lawrence Kasdan
Stars: Thomas Jane, Damian Lewis, Timothy Olyphant, Jason Lee, Morgan Freeman, Tom Sizemore, Donnie Wahlberg
Production: Warner Bros.

In lieu of a typical review, I will give you a synopsis of this celluloid travesty. Keep in mind I've never read the Stephen King book this film is based on but I did hear this film took liberties with it:

Four friends; Henry (Jane), Beaver (Lee), Pete (Olyphant) and Jonesy (Lewis) make their way to a cabin in the snowy woods of Maine. In their youth the foursome stopped a group of bullies from forcing a mentally handicapped kid to eat dog feces. As a result their new friend Duddits (Wahlberg) gave them telepathic gifts.

Your welcome...

Strange things start to happen when they arrive at the cabin. While deer hunting, Jonesy finds a lost and very ill stranger. Meanwhile Henry and Pete get into a car accident while trying to avoid another stranger sitting in the middle of the road. Both strangers fart and burp...a lot. Pete's leg is injured and the car is totaled so Henry volunteers to trek towards the cabin.

Beaver returns to the cabin and he and Jonesy witness a large migration of ill looking animals all being followed by a helicopter. Curtis (Freeman), the man in the chopper tells them to stay put. When they turn around they see bloody footprints leading to the bathroom. After a few moments, they break down the door to find a now dead stranger sitting on the toilet having just birthed a large, sharp-toothed parasitic worm. Beaver promptly sits on the toilet seat lid trapping the worm and tells Jonesy to find masking tape. Jonesy returns just in time to see Beaver being gnawed to death after attempting to pick up a toothpick from the bloody bathroom floor.

Jonesy closes and locks the door but inevitably the worm escapes. When Jonesy turns around to run, he sees a giant angry looking alien who explodes into a red mist and takes over his body. He then hops on a snowmobile and disappears into forest. As Henry gets closer to the cabin he feels something is amiss and hides while a possessed Jonesy drives by.

Meanwhile Curtis and his right-hand man Owen (Sizemore) are part of a top secret military unit trying to quarantine the area which has been infected. They take helicopters to a mountainous area where an alien spaceship has landed and opens fire on them. Curtis apparently has first hand knowledge of their species. After blowing up the spaceship, they return to base to round up all people infected with the virus.

Next time let's just get a beach house

Pete sits waiting for his friends to come for him when the stranger in his care dies and births yet another parasitic worm. Pete manages to fight the worm as it makes a meal of his ear, neck and penis. Mr. Grey,(the alien inhabiting Jonesy) soon finds Pete but Pete immediately knows its not his friend. Mr. Grey then forces Pete to use his superpower of "finding" things to find the highway. Jonesy who apparently still has a living consciousness tries to erase all memories of Duddits and his telepathic skills while trying in vein to save Pete, who is promptly killed for not cooperating. Jonesy however does realize Mr. Grey's plan to release the worms into the Boston reservoir.

Surprisingly this man has been in a lot of bad movies

Meanwhile, after Henry battles another parasitic worm back at the cabin, he shows up at the top secret army base and uses his telepathic skills to unravel Curtis's plan to kill all in the quarantine. He then convinces Owen his superior is crazy and tells him to call in the regular army to halt it. They then hightail it out of there to pick up Duddits who Henry believes is the key to finding Jonesy. Curtis however is hot on their heels commandeering a helicopter and following them via tracking device.

After picking up Duddits who suffers from leukemia, the trio head to the reservoir managing to get there before Mr. Grey can put a worm into the water. Curtis shows up for a show down against Owen who manages to shoot down the machine-gun toting helicopter with a pistol. Henry arrives just in time but is no match for Mr. Grey who leaves Jonesy's body. Luckily Duddits shows up just in time and transforms into an alien. The two extraterrestrials then kill each other. Jonesy wakes up, fade to black.

If this synopsis peaks your interest by all means have fun. But for those of sound mind and body consider this a warning: This movie is incredibly bland, makes no sense and did nothing but waste time.

Final Grade: F

American Movie

Year: 1999
Genre: Documentary
Directed: Chris Smith
Stars: Mark Borchardt, Mike Schank, Monica Borchardt, Ken Keen, Alex Borchardt, Christ Borchardt, Tom Schimmels, Matt Weisman, Bill Borchardt, Joan Petrie, Tommy Dallance, Tom Beach
Production: NorthWest Production

American Movie is a delightfully humorous documentary about the making of a short film over a three year period. Mark Borchardt is our foolishly charming subject who struggles and struggles despite insurmountable odds. He lives in his parent's basement in Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin, scrounging money through various odd-jobs and a tiny gaggle of investors. Acting as writer, director, co-producer, editor and star, Mark hopes to finish the horror short Coven (which he pronounces Coe-van) without resources, marketability or talent. Yet through all his setbacks, Mark keeps his head high which garners the admiration of local theater talent, slacker friends and his family.

American Movie is, at times, a very cringe-worthy movie to sit thought. Mark is armed only with a small film camera and an unabashed love of Night of the Living Dead (1968) and Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974). He naively thinks that's enough to make it to Hollywood and in his words "achieve the American dream." Yet Mark's intensity and enthusiasm for his movie are completely at odds with everything and everyone around him. Testimonial after testimonial from his mother, his uncle and the gaggle of bit players he hired, point to a man needlessly suffering for his art. "I always thought he'd wind up a serial killer," muses one of Mark's former high school friends. His intensity as well as his broken home life certainly seem to be pointing in that direction.

Yet American Movie is not a mean-spirited take down of the American dream, with Mark it's unwilling patsy. Most of the camera's perspective hones in on the very human need to accomplish something. Despite efforts to paint Mark as a modern day Don Quixote, each interview subject ultimately concludes Mark is "one persistent kid." And of course Mark does has his allies including Mark's long suffering girlfriend Joan Petrie, and Mark's layabout best friend Mike Schank.

The film takes a few jabs at the expense of small town naivety, especially when Mike is on screen. Yet behind the playful ribbing there's a lot of heart to American Movie. It features a moment in time concerning a true amateur; someone with no experience but anxious to make his mark. American Movie is warts-and-all documentary filmmaking. Those who are considering a career in the seventh art need to see this film and take stock in their plans, their resources and their talent (or lack thereof). What's clear by the end of the documentary is Mark Borchardt will not give up. He sees film not as a career choice but as a calling. In the years since, Mark has struggled to continue making and featuring in films though he's done so consistently for a few years. Some see American Movie and see sad, hopeless people searching for glory; "I say thou hast seen nothing yet."

Final Grade: B+