Beatriz at Dinner

Year: 2017
Genre: Drama
Directed: Miguel Arteta
Stars: Salma Hayek, John Lithgow, Connie Britton, Jay Duplass, John Early, Amy Landecker, David Warshofsky, Natalia Abelleyra, Chloe Sevigny, Soledad St. Hilaire
Production: FilmNation Entertainment

Beatriz at Dinner sells itself as the "first important film of the Trump Era," a galvanizing must-see sparring between two embodiment's of the modern American political landscape. In the blue corner the genteel, multi-cultural, bilingual immigrant Beatriz (Hayek) and the red, the boorish super-rich real-estate mogul Doug Strutt (Lithgow). Who will come out on top? Surely not the audience.

Welcome...now please don't Mexican up the place!

The optimal title for this movie should have Beatriz and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. She begins her morning feeding her dogs and calming her bleating pet lamb before driving down to work at a ramshackle clinic in downtown L.A.. She claims to be a healer - massage, reiki, rolfing - the kind of stuff that would sound like hokum if Beatriz wasn't so emphatically a believer. Her last task of the day involves a long drive to Malibu to meet with a wealthy client. Her car dies on the driveway, thus her hosts reluctantly invite her to a dinner they are throwing to celebrate a new business venture.

The movie's rising action unfolds largely as you would expect. The slight misreading of social cues and awkward culture clashes turn into a snowballing array of devilishly clever faux pas. The dinner itself, while never quite as caustic as it should be, nevertheless showcases the characters as a menagerie of conflicting personalities all containing themselves to conform to social graces.

The much like Beatriz after one too many glasses of white wine, the movie just seems to forget itself. It sidesteps the character dynamics it so lovingly created and all but deflates any chance of investment. Beatriz and Doug by this point are no longer human but pallid adversarial mouthpieces that don't even talk at one another but through one another. And they do so in the most sanctimonious of ways, diluting what and how they think in the form of talking-points that'd be better served on someone's back bumper. "All tears flow from the same source;" "what the world needs is jobs;" "the world is dying;" "there's way more satisfaction in building things." These are the kinds of grandiose statements you can expect from this movie, dispensed like oh so many socio-political McNuggets.

By the end of the evening, it becomes clear that director Miguel Arteta and screenwriter Mike White have a thematic endgame in mind. What results is a conclusion that no doubt feels forced and too little too late, though given the film's lack of plot, it should get brownie points for actually getting us there. But once we do get there, the shallow vanity, vitriolic banter and the ever present power dynamics all seem to be beside the point. Much like Blue State (2007), Fast Food Nation (2006) and other such movies, Beatriz at Dinner isn't really a movie so much as it is an overt statement that forgot the cameras were rolling.

Satire takes no prisoners!

Have we seriously gotten to the point where we have forgotten how to do satire? Given the high-concept, Beatriz at Dinner could have been a less sophomoric version of The Last Supper (1995) with flutters of Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972) painted in for good measure. Instead we're given a film that's just not enough of anything. It's not aggressive enough, its not satirical enough, it's not nuanced enough - heck it's not even sanctimonious enough! It's sits there in a drunken fugue, angrily seething before ambling away in a worrisome state. If I were you, I wouldn't encourage movies like this by following it.

Final Grade: D

Cars 3

Year: 2017
Genre: Animated Comedy
Directed: Brian Fee
Stars: Owen Wilson, Cristela Alonzo, Chris Cooper, Nathan Fillon, Larry the Cable Guy, Armie Hammer, Ray Magliozzi, Tony Shalhoub, Bonnie Hunt, Lea DeLaria, Kerry Washington, Margo Martindale, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Paul Newman, Tom Magliozzi, John Ratzenberger
Production: Pixar Animation

I probably risk nothing in saying the Cars (2006-Present) universe and its interchangeable characters are the least interesting in Pixar's stable. More often than not the ensemble learns nothing from their adventures, and any lessons that the audience can gleam from under the hood is drowned out by the the franchise's incessant chirpiness. Yet if we close our eyes and pretend Cars is not part of the same studio that brought us Toy Story (1995), WALL-E (2008) and Up (2009), you might just realize that the whole enterprise is actually kind of okay. Cars is by no means great as there are enough problems within three movies to drive a truck through but they're not exactly Maximum Overdrive (1986) either.

Though, that may not be a bad idea...

Cars 3, the latest installment in the toy fran...I mean film franchise, pits #95 Lightning McQueen (Wilson) against a new glut of next-generation racers. Finding himself consistently outmatched by the new up-and-comers, fronted by incredulous showboat Jackson Storm (Hammer) McQueen and his pit crew decide to bet his racing future on an array of cutting-edge training techniques.

Its funny how the narrative arc of Cars 3 feels at once smart and fun while remaining pretty paint-by-the-numbers. Director Brian Fee and his army of screenwriters no doubt sat in a room trying to figure out how to continue this thing and all simultaneously thought to themselves, "hey, don't these character basically line up with nearly every sports movie? Why don't we just do that?" Thus Cars 3 grabs your attention, largely holds it throughout, and delivers on its themes in predictably effective and ultimately satisfying ways.

With a narrative built on a solid foundation, Cars 3 indulges in some fun, that's one part demographic appeasement and one part apology tour. In one sequence McQueen and his trainer Cruz Ramirez (Alonzo) take part in a rough and tumble destruction derby. In another, the pair drive through an alpine forest imagining themselves as runaway bootleggers. New late-addition characters while never given no time to gel, nevertheless enhance the film's folksy appeal. Then of course there's Mater (Cable Guy) who's participation in this film is limited to one day in the sound booth (thank god). All of this points to a series that is willing to learn from its mistakes while still being true to what made it appealing.

The face you have when you feel you're no longer relevant

Now the question becomes, is Cars 3 up to Pixar's standards i.e. being a clever, emotionally resonant and effortlessly timeless classic. Umm, no, not even close. That said if you're looking for a movie that will entertain the kids for a few hours and possibly dull dad's obsolescence anxiety then this movie may just be one for you.

Final Grade: C-

Baby Driver

Year: 2017
Genre: Action
Directed: Edgar Wright
Stars: Ansel Elgort, Lily James, Kevin Spacey, Jon Hamm, Jamie Foxx, Eiza Gonzalez, Jon Bernthal, CJ Jones, Flea, Hal Whiteside, Lanny Joon, Viviana Chavez, Hudson Meek, Sky Ferreira
Production: Sony Pictures Entertainment

Director Edgar Wright's newest and most outwardly conventional film Baby Driver is nothing short of a new definition in cool. Aided by an eclectic soundtrack, a stylish and engrossing caper story and Wright's meticulously crafted look and feel, the film soars like rarely a movie of this stripe has soared before. At its height Baby Driver feels like the mordant composure of a Jean-Pierre Melville's crime thriller is being spun around on a Looney Tune Acme thingamajig. It sounds like it shouldn't work but after seeing what is most definitely the best crime comedy in years, having this particular mix of awesome is the equivalent of accidentally getting chocolate in your peanut butter.

It's a miracle of modern science!

The film sets itself at the center of a criminal underworld dominated by greed and ego. Yet the world of Baby (Elgort) feels unnaturally bright by comparison. And why shouldn't it be; He's only a job or two away from retiring as an infinitely skilled getaway driver. A driver whose handler (Spacey) trusts him enough to shuttle his various criminal enterprises in and around the L.A. downtown loop. "I never work with the same crew twice, except for you," says Spacey in a rare moment of rare avuncular appreciation. Baby in-turn answers with Monsters, Inc. (2001) quotes. He's one foot out the door and clearly happy to be.

As with all movies of this kind, things don't go exactly according to plan. A plot point that looms larger as Baby starts dating a peppy waitress named Debora (James) who shares his love of music. It's a love of necessity as the music is used to drown out his tinnitus, as well as having the duel purpose of being getaway driving focus fuel and a framing device for the audience.

And what remarkably obsessive frames we end up going through. To point out that Baby Driver has a handful of incredible car chases verges on the obvious. Yet what the trailer might not tell you about are the various visual and audio cues that create an echo chamber of gags, setups, callbacks, pacing devices and tension builders. They're meant to please the ears and tickle the brain and boy do they ever. In one moment of frazzled suspense, the sound mixing erupts in a cacophony of gunfire, sneaker squeaks, screaming on-lookers and the non-diegetic guitar riffs of "Hocus Pocus" blaring on Baby's iPod. In other scenes the body language of supporting cast members sync up perfectly with whatever Baby is listening to, hinting to a heightened reality that only Baby experiences in the recesses of his headphones. Baby Driver is not strictly speaking a musical, but it might as well be.

In fairness, Baby Driver has 100% less Minis

In the hands of any other director, Baby Driver still would have been good, perhaps edging out The Italian Job (2003) in its ability to balance fast fun and elevating stakes. Yet in the hands of Edgar Wright (who also wrote the screenplay), Baby Driver feels alive, tight, tactile and dare I say even original. It's an exercise in style that zips by with such eye-popping aplomb and works on so many levels that I'm honestly surprised the reigns of this beast didn't slip out of Wright's hands. This movie could have easily been another Transformers (2007) i.e. visually resplendent but far too slapdash for its strengths to be appreciated.

No - this movie wants to be appreciated. It wants to be oogled at and admired and further distills its energy with a supporting cast that either meets or exceed it. Kevin Spacey, Jon Hamm, Eiza Gonzalez, Jamie Foxx, Jon Bernthal, Lanny Joon and Flea all do wonders playing the various psychotics that encircle Baby like a murder of crows. Their characterizations are buoyant as a whole with Hamm and Gonzalez standing out as a criminal couple whose psychosis is just this side of Bonnie and Clyde (1967).

...also 100% fedora.

Then of course there's Ansel Elgort who often feels like a millennial remix of the cool, detached, petty criminal trope made famous by Alain Delon's trademark smolder. Here his detachment hides a vulnerability - a hidden need to find life outside of crime, a deep desire to not see anyone get hurt and of course his creative outlet. An outlet that refreshingly switches off his defenses and gets him to instantly dance like no one is watching.

Take me!

If there is one sour note in this car chase opera, it's the romance. While the rest of the film owns its stylistic excesses, the budding romance between Baby and Debora is played straight and more than a little syrupy. What's worse is because the character of Debora largely lacks depth or agency, huge swaths of the second act feel like we're setting up the marbles and levers of a rube-goldberg machine with Debora being one of said marbles.

Yet when everything is in motion, Baby Driver can't help but be an incredible romp. Nearly everything to this movie fires on all cylinders. And in the drivers seat is arguably one of the most fertile and creative movie minds of the 21st century. Shaun of the Dead (2004), Hot Fuzz (2007), Scott Pilgrim (2010), World's End (2013) and now this? Seriously what can't Edgar Wright do?

Oh, right!

Final Grade: B+

Thoughts from the Usher Podium: Why I Will Not Be Seeing Transformers 5

I will not be seeing Transformers: The Last Knight in theaters. If I live my life right, I probably won't be seeing another Transformers (2007-Present) movie ever again. I have given the first trilogy approximately 900 minutes of my life (the rough amount of time you wind up with when you watch them all twice) and in that time, the only thing I got out of them was as existential crisis. If the answer to the question why do I watch movies, is sumptuous wonders like Arrival (2016), then the question itself is raised by movies like Michael Bay's rock'em sock'em robot franchise. They are by-in-large the antithesis of what I find reprehensible about mainstream movies nowadays. Not only are they just structurally bad movies - they are also good in all the wrong ways.

The rapturous acceptance of the Transformers franchise into popular media confirms a few things for me. One: people don't know what they want until it's in front of them. Two: the average filmgoer has a well developed visual vocabulary. Analyzing each film frame by frame uncovers layers upon layers of breathtaking imagery with a scary level of uniformity. Pause literally at any moment of, say Revenge of the Fallen (2009) and you will see that nearly every frame is composed to look like the glossy veneer of a magazine cover. The lighting, the color correction, the lenses all point to a deep desire to make everything pop - and we as the audience love it because its what we expect.

Director Michael Bay then takes everything one step further by masterfully utilizing his camera to maximize the awesome. His usage of parallax and epic sweeps across the controlled chaos of his sets, feed into the idea that what you're watching is quite simply the most incredible thing you've seen to date. Then there's the editing which cuts back and forth just slow enough for the eyes to register. Yet its quickness, when done right synchronizes with the beat of a heart pumping with a week's worth of adrenaline. As far as sustained awe, Transformers still remains unsurpassed.

If only these guys were just selling toys...

I know it sounds like I'm gushing and in a way I am. To dismiss one of the most popular franchises of all time as adolescent stupidity downplays the dangers of Transformers. Much like the infamous Nazi propaganda film Triumph of the Will (1935), the Transformers franchise is an exercise in size and scale. Yet despite its power, Transformers as whole has never really stood for anything other than maybe to exist for its own sake. Hasbro, after all is first and foremost a $7.2 billion toy company with a lot of plastic to move worldwide.

This is where I and the franchise really part ways. For while it seems almost obvious to point out that every single movie is essentially the exact same plot over and over again, the fact that they're also pointless is the real straw that breaks the dinobot's back. The characters and the narrative holes that they fill are all basically the same from movie to movie. The action sequences, despite their epic-ness feel the same because they come with the exact same set of stakes. It's a series that seems to just stand still in a world passing them by; holding on to some sense warped of traditionalism like it's trying to be the next James Bond.

Here's why this matters: any franchise that exists for its own sake will inevitably turn to any means to keep the money train rolling. If audiences become accustomed to this (which at this point seems like they have), Transformers will be able to smuggle any message into its movies through its very rudimentary storytelling with audiences being none-the-wiser. Its technically already happened in Age of Extinction (2014), where Chinese government officials are portrayed as the pinnacle of excellence (probably to guarantee Chinese box office). By comparison the U.S military is continually seen as woefully unprepared or willfully duplicitous in our demise at the hands of the Decepticons.

What's worse is no matter how bad the movies get, they still get the largest platform available to sell their empty, blusterous wares. People are undoubtedly smarter than they used to be but Hollywood insists that they franchise and dumb down everything. As a result smarter movies are fighting against the current to get made. Mass audiences flock to Transformers because it gives them exactly what they expect. But because that production has so many resources and because that production gets the green light all the time, there's hardly reason for audiences to expect anything more out of popular entertainment. This is a shame.

Now I'm not some conspiracy theorist claiming there's a man in a black suit on set purposely nudging the world towards Idiocracy (2006). More realistically the decisions made in the formation and execution of the franchise are done for the sake of expediency and not some overarching desire to become a visual opioid. That said the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and it seemingly only takes one person to say "let's really go up that skirt," for a Transforrmers movie to in one camera motion approve of the objectification of women and colonoscopies without consent. If Michael Bay was approached to put, "Yvan eht nioj" in his newest film he'd probably do it.

Thus I will no longer participate in the Transformers franchise. At best The Last Knight will be a retread of every other film of this series, giving its hardcore audience the same level of satisfaction as a Big Mac. At its worst, the movie will be a shill for some the series' most irritating and damaging cultural ills while making me actually dread the day this series becomes good again. I get to watch movies for free but I've wasted enough of my time. Time I will never, ever get back.

The Book of Henry

Year: 2017
Genre: Drama
Directed:Colin Trevorrow
Stars: Naomi Watts, Jaeden Lieberher, Jacob Tremblay, Sarah Silverman, Lee Pace, Dean Norris, Maddie Ziegler, Tonya Pinkins, Bobby Moynihan, Geraldine Hughes, Maxwell Simkins
Production: Focus Features

I am truly at a loss for words concerning Focus Features's newest, and I pray last filmic experiment. In it, director Colin Trevorrow, and screenwriter Gregg Hurwitz attempt to, among other things, balance the story elements of a taut thriller, a morality play and a maudlin melodrama while making a smart, borderline psychic 11-year-old not seem like the kid from The Omen (1976). While doing so they use the affable Naomi Watts as a doe-eyed sacrifice to the Gods of tortured metaphor, and willfully ignore the fine line between believable, unbelievable and unbelievably stupid. Is Book of Henry maliciously bad or just plain bad? The fact that I can't tell should say something.

Jaeden Lieberher plays the titular Henry, the elder son of a single mom (Watts) living in Upstate New York. Henry is by all accounts a whizkid. Some would call him brilliant, he calls himself precocious - I prefer to call him a snot who, in addition to putting his peers to shame on a regular basis has more-or-less taken over every responsibility at home. Things however take a turn when Henry discovers his neighbor and coincidentally the town Police Commissioner (Norris) has been abusing his daughter (Ziegler). Finding only obstacles where there should be help, Henry ultimately decides to save the day, using his mother as a means to "take out" the Commissioner for the sake of his tortured crush.

Did I say crush? I ask because the plot assumes there's some kind of deeper connection but we never see Henry have anymore positive emotion than a waffle iron towards anyone. The character basically has two modes: smug and pissy which somehow only gets worse as the film progresses. Likewise Ziegler, Watts, Norris and Tremblay are given nothing more than a single trait in which to base their entire performances on. Tremblay especially gets shafted being forced to play a modern version of Ralphie's brother in A Christmas Story (1983) when if anything he should be channeling Elijah Wood in The Good Son (1993).

It's all wrong. It's the wrong tone...

The tone of the film (once it manages to settle on one) can't help but be at odds with the cynicism of its lead character. Lieberher's Henry moralizes with the eloquence of a French philosophe but can't help but sound like a patronizing baby Hitler when he says things like "There are worse things in the world than violence." Henry as written doesn't have an iota of love in his body and as a result his mother is in for a Rube-Goldberg-like ride that has a lot of moving parts but amounts to nothing. Despite this, the movie itself is so obnoxiously twee it feels like it's trying to mimic the best part of The Goonies (1985) while exhibiting the worst parts of Red Dawn (1984) - which is to say an inconsistent, reactionary moral compass with nary a character in search of real solutions.

I mean, it's cheaper than a sniper rifle...

Below is a list of things that happen in this movie. They're not spoilers per se, as they are without context. That said, I truly believe the lack of context actually makes everything better:

-Watts becomes a stone-cold killer and sharpshooter in under a month.
-Henry buys and sells stocks on a schoolyard payphone.
-Sarah Silverman macks on Jaeden Lieberher and it's played off as okay even though the entire movie sets itself up as against child abuse.
-60% of Maddie Ziegler's lines are the words, "I'm fine."
-Henry plans a murder with two outdated textbooks on forensic science.
-Naomi Watts repeatedly plays Gears of War while ignoring her sons yet its supposed to come across as absentmindedly charming.
-Naomi Watts prepares school lunches like she trying to give children diabetic comas.
-Watts nonchalantly buys an illegal weapon despite nearly having a panic attack in the car earlier.
-Henry explains an MRI to a professional surgeon (Pace) despite zero medical training.
-The handsome doctor boxed-beard then unexpectedly shows up to a middle school talent show, despite not having kids, and it's not seen as creepy.
-The assassination is setup to a middle schooler crooning "Amazing Grace, " presumably because she couldn't get the rights to Ave Maria.
-Henry's young brother showers the audience of a middle school talent show with fake snow strongly implying that he has just spread a person's ashes.
-The school principal continually ignores Henry's claims of abuse but calls the cops after the talent show because apparently she can speak dance.

Of course taking any of this farce at face value would be giving it far too much credit. Every story beat, character decision and sudden jolt in the narrative rings too demonstratively false to be taken seriously. Even if it does carry itself as just another thriller. I've seen a lot of bad movies but rarely have I seen a movie so hypnotic in its badness. The makers of this thing best be reminded that movies are tricky.

Final Grade: F

47 Meters Down

Year: 2017
Genre: Horror
Directed: Johannes Roberts
Stars: Mandy Moore, Claire Holt, Chris Johnson, Yani Gellman, Santiago Segura, Matthew Modine
Production: Tea Shop & Film Company

When I think of 47 Meters Down, my first thought doesn't automatically go to last year's The Shallows (2016) or, Open Water (2003) cult favorite shark movie Deep Blue Sea (1999). My mind actually wonders to of all things The Other Side of the Door (2016), a frightfully forgetful ghost story that served as my introduction to director Johannes Roberts's work. Despite taking place worlds apart, The Other Side of the Door and 47 Meters Down have a lot in common. Both take on a pulpy premise, arm it with only the essentials, make due with smaller casts, provide some competent visuals and shows narrative promise only after sleepwalking through the first fifteen minutes.

(yawn)

Unlike The Other Side of the Door, 47 Meters Down keeps the audience riveted for more than 50% of the run time, relying almost solely on tried and true cliches to carry the day. The setup is simple; a pair of sisters (Moore and Holt) go on a shark cage excursion while vacationing in Cancun. Once in the water, the cage snaps away from its hull line and plummets into the depths beneath.

Just by reading that description, don't you just want to see this movie? The early promise of its high concept feels almost embedded in the film's DNA. We have multiple time clocks, a series of unforeseen events and complications, an escalating and dire circumstance and at the center of it all are two actresses who, granted aren't exactly the stuff of stars but are more that spirited enough to keep our interest.

If only the movie tackled its limitations with the same gusto it does its advantages. by the mid-point, the movie begins to take on water in the form of repetitive visual cues that are largely contained to sneaking behind rocks and bobbing up and down to contact the boat via radio. While one can forgive the questionable decisions of characters who are scared, tired and in Moore's case untrained, their "I'm not going to leave you," banter revisits many of the same themes in the exposition. They do so without giving any real dimension and because they're both stuck in the cage, without any real tension either.

I just had the craziest dream...

And talk about a movie that fumbles on the 5-yard line. I won't spoil the last fifteen minutes lest to say its liable to take you out of the film's world in much the same way The Matrix Reloaded (2003) did. I know it seems necessary to squeeze in a twist ending in almost every movie nowadays no matter how unnatural but man they really killed the golden goose in this case.

Combined with a cheap look-and-feel, nuts-and-bots dialogue and truly uninspired visuals, 47 Meter Down is just not where it needs to be. Still it had early promise so my advice to you would be to watch the first half then imagine in your head how you'd get out of a similar situation. Hopefully you won't jump the shark like this movie did.

Final Grade: D-

Rough Night

Year: 2017
Genre: Comedy
Directed: Lucia Aniello
Stars: Scarlett Johansson, Jillian Bell, Zoe Kravitz, Ilana Glazer, Kate McKinnon, Paul W. Downs, Ryan Cooper, Ty Burrell, Demi Moore, Enrique Murciano, Dean Winters, Colton Haynes, Eric Andre, Bo Burnham, Hasan Minhaj, Karan Soni
Production: Sony Pictures Entertainment

If Bridesmaids (2011) was proof that the ladies can play just as rough in delivering truly inspired raunch-com moments, then Rough Night is incontrovertible proof that they can also deliver mediocre fair with the same lack of conviction as their coasting male counterparts. Is it funny; yeah in spurts. Can it be a little cloying; yeah at times. Is it the best version of what it could be? Perhaps that's the wrong question.

Rough Night reunites college roommates Jess (Johansson), Alice (Bell) Blair (Kravitz) and Frankie (Glazer) who are planning one last blowout soiree before Jess takes the plunge into married life. They all rendezvous in sunny Miami, and meet up with Jess's friend from Australia Pippa (McKinnon). From there Alice plans a fun night on the town followed by a private party at their rented beach house. Things go terribly wrong however after the girls invite a stripper into the house and wind up with a dead body on their hands.

Part of what will end up working for you about Rough Night has a lot to do with you look for in a comedy. At times the film channels the frazzled energy of The Hangover (2009) while at others it's stretching for the "what are we going to do now" immediacy of a Guy Ritchie crime comedy. It sometimes sinks in the tepid character dynamics of a late-period Blake Edwards sex comedy while at others times it outright revels in pure absurdity. The center narrative stitch however is farce - trading on the buffoonery of our characters to establish much of the movie's important story elements.

This however becomes a crutch as the movie limps away from the halfway point. Once we get a good idea of what's going on, it becomes obvious that there just aren't enough levers for this movie to pull to keep everything going. And instead of relying on broad characters and an increasing array of improbable circumstances (the bread and butter of any good farce), the movie cuts back and forth between, not people but groups that are only tangentially related to the story proper. As a result Rough Night starves itself on its own lack of possibilities.

Umm...

Such groups by the way, include Demi Moore and Ty Burrell who play sexed-up beach neighbors with an eye for Blair. Their inclusion results in one of the film's most problematic moments by far. On the other end we have Paul W. Downs and his groomsmen. The juxtaposition of Jess's gathering and Paul W. Downs's rather demure stag party provides the funniest moments in the entire film.  And because Downs's moments start with the unexpected and only grow more bizarre from there, the man threatens to run away with what feels like a compromised movie. Ironic since its supposed to be about the women.

Look, if you really want to prime yourself for a good movie going experience, you shouldn't be asking yourself if this is the best movie they could have made with this kind of material. Instead ask yourself if this is the best movie that has been made out of this kind of material. In comparison to Stag (1996) and Very Bad Things (1998), Rough Night is clearly a winning choice. Though personally when it comes to movies about what to do with a dead body, the gold standard will always be Weekend at Bernie's (1989)

Final Grade: C

All Eyez on Me

Year: 2017
Genre: Biography
Directed: Benny Boom
Stars: Demetrius Shipp Jr., Danai Gurira, Kat Graham, Hill Harper, Annie Ilonzeh, Lauren Cohan, Keith Robinson, Jamal Woolard, Dominic L. Santana, Cory Hardrict, Jamie Hector, Cairo Moor
Production: Morgan Creek Productions

All Eyez on Me, the long-awaited biography of famous rapper and actor Tupac Shakur flirts with greatness once or twice. The dynamism of Shakur's music, combined with his unique place among generations of civil rights struggles, makes a movie about his life easy pickings for ambitious filmmakers looking to make the next Tommy (1975). With the success of Straight Outta Compton (2015), seeing All Eyez on Me felt all the more immediate, as it would presumably light the fire in the bellies of long entrenched rap fans while reminding white people, "hey rap was kind of a big deal back the day - who knew?"

Digital Underground is my jam!

Unfortunately despite positioning itself as the next great music biopic; complete with an actor, Demetrius Shipp Jr., who is the spitting image of Shakur, All Eyez on Me just isn't very good. In fact, it's dead in the water, relying almost solely on its soundtrack to deliver more or less what the filmmakers think casual fans would want. That is to say a cliffnoted version of a life that's one part hagiography to two parts highlight reel. At times the movie actively fights the life and times of Tupac Shakur to stage and maintain the tight sizzle of a feature length trailer.  The results are often mystifying.

The sole highlight right here...

The film proper begins with a downtrodden Shakur (Shipp) retelling his upbringing while wallowing in Clinton County prison for rape charges. We cut back and forth between his 11-year-old self (Moor), his teenage years in Baltimore and Los Angeles respectively, and an interview with an unnamed reporter (Harper). The reporter acts as both a confessional and a conscience for the beleaguered rapper as he calls his career. He also highlights the most important people in his world Afeni (Gurira), his mother and an outspoken Black Panther and Jada Pinkett (Graham) his high school crush. After he's released from prison we also are introduced to Kidada Jones (Ilonzeh) his eventual fiancee.

The relationship between Shakur and these strong women, provides the backbone for the movie. It's a backbone that stresses uneasily amidst Benny Boom's incredulous mis en scene but it never truly breaks. That said, the film's flashier moments often overwhelm what one can assume is its unifying message. Afeni's perilous addiction to crack cocaine is treated clumsily and that is despite her towering performance. Kinada's burgeoning love for Tupac often feels like they're skimming through Shakespeare sonnets rather than telling us how they truly felt about each other. And despite knowing Jada Pinkett eventually came into her own as a famous actress, her appearances always come out of nowhere and leaves no impact at all.

What does leave an impact is the film's scattershot execution. For a movie about rapping, All Eyez on Me has a surprising lack of flow. Each scene collides into the previous, strongly advocating a point-of-view, whether it be "using your platform responsibly," "turning the other cheek," "to thine own self be true," "having a complicated relationship with women," "Telling the truth of the streets," "there's danger in success" etc. By the way, those aren't just cliches, they're are actual quotes from the movie though they may as well been title cards given their level of obviousness. There's not one consistent theme here, there are dozens.

And it all never coalesces into a central point or theme. Instead the film let's each moment shout at you until all your get is a vague inkling of Tupac's real impact. An impact that you just can't grasp while Shipp gesticulates with false swagger and zero charm. I say if you're going to watch this film at all, watch it to compare whether Dominic L. Santana, Sean Ringgold of Notorious (2009) or R. Marcos Taylor in Straight Outta Compton did a better job playing Death Row music executive and sociopath Suge Knight. Otherwise I say skip it.

Final Grade: D-

Mid-Year Report Card

So I haven’t been writing all that much recently; partially because life and its various gifts have given me surprise after unexpected surprise. I won’t bore you with the details lest to say not much has changed, good or bad. It’s a case of a lot of activity but not much in the way of results.

Thus to get out of my most recent writers malaise, I have decided to give a half-year report card of sorts. Below is a list of movies I have seen in theaters so far this year, ranked from the absolute worst to the greatest. Hopefully you’ll spot a couple that sound like they’re worth your time though, spoiler alert: it has not been the best year for movies - At least not so far.

Collateral Beauty

Will Smith stars as a sad sack with the world's most terrible friends. Everyone is terrible in this movie and no one learns a thing. This movie is a garbage fire - pure and simple.

Unforgettable

Rosario Dawson and Katherine Heigl star as two women fighting over a dude who’s clearly not worth it. Despite stealing from Fatal Attraction (1987) this thing has no hope in living up to its title.

The Circle

Emma Watson and Tom Hanks act out the most farfetched fears of babyboomers. These darn kids with their smartphones, drones and immersive work culture!

Rings

Who thought making a third movie in this long dead franchise was a good idea? Please just let this thing die already!

The Bye Bye Man
A cursed item of furniture (I think), makes a group of college students go crazy.  A dumb concept leads to a dumb movie…who knew?

Everything, Everything

What could have been a heartwarming story about a sick teenage girl and her neighbor turns into Bubble Boy (2001) for twits. And that’s saying something.

Before I Fall

A teen version of Groundhog Day (1993), only without any humor, depth or flair of any kind. Here’s to making the same mistakes, over and over and over again!

The Space Between Us

The Space Between Us is an interstellar teenage romance that should have stayed off planet. A boy from Mars comes down to Earth to discover teenage nookie is exactly what he thought it'd be.

The Void

A group of strangers hole up in a dilapidated hospital to hide from a gang of knife wielding psychos standing outside. It's valiant effort in cosmic horror; even if the acting is horrendous.

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage

A sequel to what was essentially a live action video game. This time however it plays more like a weaksauce Fast and Furious (2001-Present) spin-off.

50 Shades Darker

An unwelcome continuation of a series praying on sexually repressed middle-aged women. It ends up being bland, boring and, ironically, tremendously unsexy.

The Mummy
Tom Cruise raids a mummy's tomb and winds up with a curse. That curse of course being having to survive through another failed extended universe experiment.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter

Another installment of the long limping Resident Evil (2002-Present) franchise. It ends the story (hopefully), and that’s ultimately a good thing!

The Belko Experiment
A large group of office drones are forced to kill each other in a movie destined to at least be interesting. Then it takes a decent premise and turns it into a repetitive slog.

Sleepless
A corrupt cop procedural that is cheap looking, cliché-ridden and full of sleepwalking actors. Unless you're a fan of Nuit Blanche (2011), the original film, this remake deserves none of your attention.

Wilson
A crotchety middle-aged man finds out he has a daughter and tries to reunite his "family". What ends up happening is a comedy completely bereft of laughter.

War Machine
A Netflix exclusive loosely based on Obama Era policies on the War in Afghanistan. Brad Pitt plays a caricature of a four star general and basically gets to play Army for 90 minutes.

Personal Shopper

A Personal shopper/medium/wax statue of Kristen Stewart gets to hunt for ghosts and winds up in a murder mystery. It's nowhere near as interesting as it sounds.

Chips

A re-imagined version of the 1970's TV show only with 90% more dick jokes.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Yet another Pirates (2001-Present)  movie nobody asked for. Question: If Pirates has already sunk to the bottom of the cultural zeitgeist then why is it still telling tales?

The Last Word

The Last Word is feel-good, hard candy for old people. Shirley MacLaine plays a bitter old lady who wakes up one morning and decides to do the abridged version of making amends.

Why Him?
Bryan Cranston and James Franco play a father and potential son-in-law who are both too dumb to realize there's no real conflict. The movie coasts on obvious jokes and little else.

Baywatch

Another TV show re-imagined as a full-feature. Only this time it's 75% dick jokes, 25% The Rock and Zac Efron making fun of their own fragile male egos.

Split

M. Night Shymalan learns everything he can about psychology then ignores most of it to tell the story of a killer with multiple personalities.

Gold

Based on a famous fraud case involving gold mines, this movie is more or less an excuse to have Matthew McConaughey hoot and holler, “There’s gold in them thar hills!”

47 Meters Down

A shark movie that starts out well enough, then unceremoniously drowns in the shallows.

The Fate of the Furious
Yet another installment in long running inside joke that is the Fast and Furious (2001-Present) franchise. RIP: Han, Gisele, Paul Walker and physics 101

Power Rangers

The Mighty Morphing Power Rangers (1993-1999) get a big-screen adaptation and as expected it fumbles on nearly every level. At least it gives fans the bare minimum - go, go mediocrity!

A Dog’s Purpose

A dog's spirit is reborn several times for reasons that completely escape me. It's essentially Marley & Me (2008) x5 so don't watch unless you're into dogs dying.

Collide

Collide is a cheap, quick and easy action one-off that gets a passing grade simply because this kind of thing is a rarity in theaters now.

King Arthur: The Legend of the Sword

Yet another version of the King Arthur legend, only this time, Guy Ritchie directs to put some British hooligan funk on it. Unfortunately it has no idea how to build a lasting franchise.

Underworld: Blood Wars

A cheap, garish and bland continuation of the Underworld (2002-Present) franchise. Admit it, this entire thing is about BDSM at this point.

Raw

An arthouse film about cannibalistic veterinary college students. What’s next, an action blockbuster about the life and times of Emile Zola?

Patriots Day

Based on the Boston Marathon bombings complete with a prideful Markie Mark mugging for the camera. Based on a true story; I say exploited from true story!

Ghost in the Shell

A boring, lowest-common-denominator remake of a groundbreaking anime. It's set in a distant future where everyone has cybernetic enhancements and can apparently be stripped of any cultural identity.

Fist Fight

A forgettable comedy about two rival teachers who goad each other to a fist fight on the last day of school. It's funny in spurts but otherwise completely unnecessary.

Captain Underpants

Captain Underpants is based on the popular children's book series. Anyone who reads the title and doesn’t think they’re in for juvenile humor, deserves what they have coming to them.

Gifted

Oh look, a movie about an overly precocious pre-teen with family issues…how original!

Live by Night

A well-intentioned but doomed crime drama that dies an excruciatingly slow death at the hands of its own story. Watch only if you're a series Ben Affleck completest.

The Lure

A Polish musical about murderous mermaids and by far one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen. I almost want to recommend this one simply because of how bonkers it is!

Smurfs: The Lost Village

Smurfs: The Lost Village is less obnoxious than its prequels but still not all that good. Still it's not exactly bad for kids.

Monster Trucks

Monsters, in trucks…nuff said.

Going in Style

A threesome of old geezers plan a bank heist. Male obsolescence anxiety wound up in a tame revenge fantasy that is more quaint than good.

The Great Wall

Matt Damon goes to medieval China and fights monsters. I mean, it's an interesting cultural artifact if nothing else.

The Zookeeper’s Wife

Plays it a little to safe for a movie about the Holocaust. Jessica Chastain plays a zookeeper's wife who helps Polish Jews escape the ghetto because she can.

John Wick 2

A sequel to the surprise hit John Wick (2014). This time the formula of Fight, break, breathe, repeat is interrupted by an insane amount of world-building.

The Promise

Good-intentioned but ultimately un-engaging historical drama about the Armenian Genocide. At least here we get the combined star power of Oscar Isaac and Christian Bale!

The Case for Christ

A Christ-ploitation flick with a slightly more literate edge.

The Resurrection of Gavin Stone

A Christ-ploitation flick with a kindlier heart than most.

The Founder

A biopic about Ray Kroc, the deputed founder of McDonalds. Despite a commanding performance by Michael Keaton, The Founder doesn’t know what it stands for.

Rough Night

The ladies prove that they can make average raunch-comedy with the best of them. A group of friends accidentally kill a male stripper at a bachelorette party and things go south from there.

Boss Baby

A marginally entertaining kids movie that pits an older brother against a business-oriented baby with ulterior motives.

Life

Astronauts discover an ever-evolving life-form in space and find out too late that they're in real danger. It's basically Alien (1979) with a Cthulu makeover.

Lowriders

A fairly straightforward urban drama about Mexican American brothers hating on their recovering alcoholic father. Lowriders are involved but I'm sure you figured that.

A Cure for Wellness

An old-school horror movie about an overworked desk jockey whose tasked with bringing his boss back from a secluded health spa.“A” for world-building but everything else is just ugly and obvious.

Snatched

Amy Schumer and Goldie Hawn are a mother/daughter pair who travel to South America and are kidnapped. Schumer is disarming as ever but the story could use a lot more work.

Kong: Skull Island

A group of nobodies land on a mysterious island and uncover a giant ape. Apparently they’re still going ahead with this MonsterVerse thing. That's cool, I guess…

Born in China

A Disney nature doc about Chinese animals. It tries a little too hard at times to be cutesy but it mostly works.

The Lost City of Z

A British cartographer argues for a lost civilization hidden in the Amazon. The Lost City of Z is beautifully shot but a bit of a drag in segments.

A United Kingdom

Rosamund Pike and David Oyelowo are stand-outs in a by-the book biopic of King Seretse of Botswanaland and his new queen Ruth Williams.

Paterson

A slice-of-life movie about a bus driver who dabbles in poetry. The movie holds you in a trance for most of its screen-time; if of course you're willing.

Hidden Figures
A movie based on the life of Katherine Johnson whose accomplishments at NASA inspired a generation of scientists and engineers. It's a story worth telling hidden inside of a movie that's all paint-by-numbers.

How to Be a Latin Lover

Eugenio Derbez stars as a gold-digger who is forced to live with his sister after his wife divorces him. A comedy that isn’t just dudes riffing? The temerity of this silly little movie!

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

The long-awaited sequel to Guardians of the Galaxy (2012). It's pretty much on par with the first one only without the surprise factor.

Table 19

An ostracized party guest is forced to sit at the reject table of a fancy weekend wedding. The characters are in need of a better movie but these truly are some good characters.

The Lovers

A subtle romantic drama about the power of love and the dangers of complacency. A middle-aged couple played by Debra Winger and Tracy Letts get a second chance to rekindle their failed marriage.

I, Daniel Blake

An elderly carpenter's recent heart attack puts him on welfare. That is until he tries to navigate through a cruel bureaucracy that robs him of his humanity. I, Daniel Blake is angry working-class screed that balances its melodrama with tempered outrage.

Their Finest

A British woman is hired as a movie writer and winds up making a halfway decent WWII propaganda film for the allies. Their Finest is largely kept afloat by the charm of Gemma Arterton.

20th Century Women
A seventies era coming-of-age story focusing on an outcast who is molded by three very different women.This movie is essentially a boy's love note to mothers, daughters and a generation of trailblazing women.

The LEGO Batman Movie
A fun and good-natured romp through Batman lore, stitched together by Will Arnett's brilliant voice work.

Beauty and the Beast
A live-action remake of the 1992 Disney movie of the same name. The movie is positively drowning in nostalgia which may ruffle some feathers but will excite most.

Alien: Covenant
A team of colonists traveling to a faraway planet, receive a signal and follow it to certain doom. A bit more Prometheus (2012) than Alien (1979) but at least it provides some food for thought.

Sleight

A well-paced low-budget blend of urban drama, crime story and superhero origin story. Sleight tells the story of a street thug and amateur magician who finds himself way in over his head.

Free Fire

A group of dunder-headed criminals have a shootout in an abandoned warehouse. Free Fire is a grimy crime story told like an elongated Looney Tunes episode. The results are pretty entertaining.

Julieta

A woman’s story of lost loves and eventual redemption. It’s a family drama that keeps you absorbed from beginning to end. I dare not spoil it anymore.

The Salesman

A Iranian import that isn’t as groundbreaking as Asghar Farhadi’s A Separation (2011) but nonetheless engrosses and surprises.The basic premise is a couple tries to cope with a home invasion.

Logan

A cleverly devised superhero film with strong western influences. Logan, in addition to being an X-Men (2000-Present) movie, is also one of the best send-offs of a long beloved character in a while.

Your Name

A mind-bending Anime with real heart and ingenuity that starts when a city boy and a small town girl switch bodies every other day. The movie just gets infinitely more interesting from there.

Wonder Woman

The DCEU’s savior. A competently made and surprisingly layered superhero film bolstered by a decent cast and some very relevant sexual politics.

Colossal

A mad science experiment that is equal parts absurd dark comedy and rampaging monster movie.

Neruda

The true story of Chilean poet Pablo Neruda as told by a police investigator tasked with bringing him in for treason. It's also the Pablo Larrain movie that got no attention.

The Red Turtle

An austere and elemental examination of a maroon man’s life. Also, there's a red turtle.

A Monster Calls
An uncommonly solemn fantasy film about a young boy coming to terms with the failing health of his mother. A monster then appears to help him through his struggles.

I Am Not Your Negro

An eye-opening documentary about iconoclast James Baldwin, told both within the context of the Civil Rights movement and race relations today.

Get Out

A clever, scary, disturbing and darkly funny horror film in its own right. The fact that it’s also a deeply political work makes it all the more vital.