Thoughts from the Usher Podium: Films That Actually Should be Remakes/Reboots (Part 1)

With Ghostbusters rearing its misguided, misshapen head into theaters this weekend, I thought it would be a good idea to share some thoughts on remakes, reboots, prequels and sequels of long dormant properties. Now I have never been one to denounce whole-cloth the notion of remakes. In fact, in today's world of never-ending franchises where nothing really truly goes away, it is my belief some properties should be given another shot. Below are a well curated list of movies that probably should have been handled better. Some are bad movies that have something redeemable about them that could bud into a burgeoning franchise. Others are simply great if imperfect flicks whose concepts and ideas should be immortalized in a better film.

6. The Super Mario Bros. (1993)
Super Mario Bros. should be seen as a cautionary tale about giving away movie rights to the right people. Relatively green co-directors Rocky Morton and Annabel Jankel were hired out from the relatively small Lightmotive production company to create a world based on the classic video games. The tales of the shoot include drunken rehearsals among the cast, daily rewrites of the script and angry back and forths between directors and producers.

What resulted is a turgid, ugly looking mess that can't decide whether it's for adults or children ultimately settling on being for neither. The picture perfect casting of Bob Hoskins is about the only thing going fr the film as Dennis Hopper, John Leguizamo, Fiona Shaw and Samantha Mathis are in total don't givaf*** mode. The embedded mythology surrounding Princess Daisy (Mathis) and Koopa (Hopper) is embarrassingly unnecessary and the grungy filigree is at times too morose to enjoy.

Yet Super Mario Bros. is the only film the long-running video game franchise has. Thus anyone who grew up on said games uses a myriad of mental acrobatics to justify their appreciation for the film. And the funny thing is they don't have to. Nintendo, with it's near demigod-like power and influence can get a big studio with a big budget to make a competent, well done remake. One that takes full advantage of Mario's colorful and intricate world/s. Seriously Nintendo, get on it.

5. Bad Day at Black Rock (1955)
Bad Day at Black Rock is a fun little desert town story about a war veteran who travels to the boonies to honor the memory of a fallen brother. When he arrives to town however, the middle-aged John Macreedy (played by the infamous Spencer Tracy) is welcomed with a frosty chill in the air. No one in the small town of Black Rock seems pleased a stranger is in town among them, asking questions. Eventually his presence creates such tension that it threatens to destroy the quiet unity of the townsfolk and reveal some deeply shameful secrets in the process.

The notion of a well meaning sleuth poking the wrong hornets nest with a stick is nothing new. Yet the story surrounding Macreedy's fallen brother and his family would be an important lesson worth hearing in today's politically charged climate. Telling this story again would be a much needed kick in the pants to the xenophobic backlash of the Obama presidency. That's if it's done right. Lest we forget the worthwhile and diametrically opposed themes of the Don Baker vehicle Walking Tall (1973) got a dumbed down remake in 2004. Bad Day at Black Rock would need to be closer in the vein of True Grit (2010) and 3:10 to Yuma (2007) to actually be worthwhile.

4. Summer School (1987)
Summer School was an easy going Mark Harmon 80's flick that was way better than it needed to be. In it, Harmon plays Freddy Shoop, a gym teacher who draws the short straw and is forced to teach summer school to a wisecracking group of misfits. Using unconventional methods (such as field trips to the beach), Mr. Shoop begins to actually connect with his students and even inspire a few to do better than what's expected of them.

In it's own quiet way, Summer School put the teacher inspires students cliche on it's head, molding into a redemption story for the teacher. The students, despite their pranks and wisecracks do seem receptive to learning a thing or two in Stoop's joke of an English class. Thus through much of the shenanigans, Stoop realizes these kids deserve so much better and tries to deliver (for once).

Bad Teacher? More like bad movie.

Remaking Summer School and adding in some modern sensibilities would a fun little exploration into today's modern public school mores. Additionally exploring some of the home-lives of the kids and cramming in some Hangover (2009)-type comedy would make for a fun R-rated comedy that's simultaneously topical and rambunctious. Think Hamlet 2 (2008) meets Stand and Deliver (1988) only with the added benefit of completely erasing the legacy of Bad Teacher (2011). Now that's the kind of remake they should make.

3. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984)
ABBA8D had no chance when it was released in 1984. While boasting the silly sci-fi aesthetic of The Mighty Morphin Power Rangers (1993-1996), the film also had the gall to mix in hard to understand particle physics and larger than life characters reserved only for the pages of comic-books. In other words, Banzai was way ahead of it's time. The film revolves around a plot by an evil alien race trapped in an inter-dimensional space prison. One of them escapes inside the body of Dr. Lizardo (John Lithgow) and plans to bring the rest of his species back through a portal and then take over the earth. The only one who can stop him is Buckaroo Banzai (a dreadfully miscast Peter Weller), a modern renaissance man who roles with a team of rock musicians/surgeons/adventurers.

Wait, this s*** actually sounds familiar

The movie is more or less, exactly what you expect, an overly complex narrative mess featuring a gaggle of ridiculous characters who need only wear silly multi-functional costumes to take the film over-the-top. In the 80's that kind of mix, dripping in neon and pastels was not the stuff of legends. But in today's world of spandex wearing supermen knocking each other out, Buckaroo Banzai would feel completely at home. A couple more rewrites, the film could have worked and if you replace Peter Weller with a much more charismatic lead, you have the making of a bonafide franchise.

2. They Live (1988)
Remakes and reboots based on John Carpenter's oeuvre has yielded some pretty forgettable fare. The Fog (2005); fumblingly boring, Assault on Precinct 13 (2005); ugly and uninspired, The Thing (2011); perversely unnecessary. Now there's talk that Big Trouble in Little China (1986) is getting a reboot. Yet if there's any John Carpenter most needing a remake it's They Live should rank at the top of the list.

They Live starts with a lone anonymous drifter (Roddy Piper) making his way to Los Angeles in the hopes of finding work. Seeing little alternative but to live on the streets, the drifter runs in with a quasi-political group that are hiding boxes of sunglasses from the authorities. The drifter steals a pair and puts them on, seeing the world for what it really is; a society under the mental control of an alien race concerned with profit margins and corporate submission.

The film itself is so-so, with a narrative that leaves its audience in the doldrums by the time the second act starts. Yet if ever there was a concept most in need of a resurgence it's the plot of They Live. With the notion of "selling out" no longer even a part of the culture's vocabulary, having a film that literal-izes the dangers of corporatism and runaway capitalism would be a beautiful final stand for old-school counterculture fervor. Who knows, maybe younger generations may actually internalize the message.

1. North Dallas Thirty (1979)
North Dallas Thirty is a fictionalized retelling of the life of a professional football player. Phillip Elliott (Nolte) battles with various demons including alcohol abuse, the pressure and tension among teammates, the burden of being a local celebrity, the rising specter of corruption and the vanguard of common steroid use. In other words, the making of a true-blue, worts and all, classic football movie.

Best bobsledding movie; Cool Runnings (1993)

Ask rabid fans of any sport about sports movies and most will point to a common popular winner. When it comes to baseball for example, most people will pick Pride of the Yankees (1942) as the quintessential baseball movie. Hockey; Slap Shot (1977), basketball; Hoosiers (1986). Yet when it comes to football, the results are less that unanimous. Older folks will gravitate towards Brian's Song (1971) while the new generation will arguably pick Remember the Titans (2000). Yet neither of them come universally acclaimed like films involving other sports.

A remake of the underappreciated North Dallas Thirty would be a welcome compromise to the pantheon of football movies. It's cynical yet not overly so, it's idealistic without the risk of being trite and with a memorable ensemble cast, there's no telling how far a remake of this flick will go.