Trolls

Year: 2016
Genre: Animated Musical
Directed: Walt Dohrn, Mike Mitchell
Stars: Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake, Zooey Deschanel, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Christine Baranski, Russell Brand, Gwen Stefani, John Cleese, James Corden, Jeffrey Tambor, Ron Funches, Kunal Nayyar, Quvenzhane Wallis
Production: DreamWorks Animation

I need to preface this review by saying upfront, this movie is pretty meh. It's certainly not as terrible as I'm about to make it; but much like driving past the front yard of that permanently chipper neighbor whose thinks their farts small like a bowl of cherries (you know the type), to be honest I really, really, REALLY wanted to punch this movie in the face.

For real though...

The Trolls are a displaced race of tiny, happy-go-lucky critters who spend most of their waking hours singing, dancing, hugging and scrap-booking. Their mortal enemy, the ogre-like Bergens live lives of permanent unhappiness - letting loose only once a year for Trollstace. The main dish for the town-over is (of course) Troll. At one point the Trolls lived at the mercy of the Bergens, within the hollow trunk of the Troll Tree in Bergentown. But thanks to a gutsy escape plan forged by King Peppy (Tambor), their current civilization hides in the forest where they can sing pop songs to their hearts content.

Feeling of every adult in the audience.

The events recounted above all take place before the start of the film, which are infectiously told by our main protagonist, the excessively cheerful Princess Poppy (Kendrick). Now twenty years later, the only thing the Trolls civilization have to worry about is the resident out-layer, Branch (Timberlake). Unlike the rest of the complacent Trolls, Branch remains fretful of the possibility of the Bergens coming back and as a result doesn't sing, dance or light up fireworks displays that wakes up the entire friggin' forest. Instead he quietly assembles resources for his underground bunker all while being chided by Poppy's friends. Needless to say, Branch was right, Trolls are taken, Poppy and Branch work together, in a story so cut and paste it'd arguably look better in a scrap-book.

The problem with Trolls is despite it's candy-coated exterior and infectious musical moments, there's simply too little of everything going on. The journey back to Bergentown is wrought with danger, just not enough of it to actually matter. Poppy's obsessive chirpiness is comically out of step with the world around her, but not enough for it to be an actual struggle. Branch droll grouchiness ricochets admirably between Poppy's positive can-do, but not enough where it becomes a real sticking point. The narrative then shoehorns a Cinderella subplot that appears like it's going in an interesting direction, but of course, there's not enough of it. You see where I'm going with this?

No, the fact that he turns blue doesn't f***king count!

Thus when the most obvious theme of the tale is summed up succinctly by Kendrick and Timberlake singing "Can't Stop the Feeling!" the entire enterprise feels like a sugar rush filled with so many empty calories. No important life lessons are learned or internalized by the audience, no plot reveals coax a fundamental change in our characters and not much is actually accomplished by the end. Arguably the only life that has been changed for the better is that of Bergen scullery maid Bridget (Deschanel) but her arc flies in the face of the film's botched moral, i.e. the idea that happiness is always inside you and all you need is someone to bring it out (and maybe a good tune to groove to too).

Never mind that happiness, like all emotions is fleeting. Pixar plumbed from this particular well last year with Inside Out (2015), creating a subtle, refreshingly layered take on the emotional spectrum. Trolls version of happiness on the other hand, is at best creaky and dogmatic and at worst, a cheap self-delusion of glitter farting banality. Over-played jukebox song covers, madcap bouncy castle physics and cotton candy tresses that can be whipped back and forth; it's all part of the act.

What saves this film from truly being the worst is its soundtrack which for all it's auto-tuned glee can't help but worm into your ear and say there. The songs are folded in remarkably well into the story and rarely did it seem like the audience was waiting for the song to end for the plot to move forward. Some of the song choices (largely hits stolen from a wedding reception playlist) were blunt but since the prime demographic for this film are 5 and 6-year-olds, I can't exactly mark it down for that. I'm sure you'll have your personal favorite but mine was Zooey Deschanel's rendition of Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" which slyly tucked-in a few references to the music video.

This music video is hella weird!

Other than that however, Trolls is an easily disposable movie, with cut and paste characters and remarkably little to say. It seems to be in a rush to sell you something but given its frantic forced glee, I'd argue the only thing it'll successfully vend are more Troll dolls. A minor miracle considering, when you really think about it, its very existence undermines its point.

Consuming Trolls won't make you happy...consume Trolls instead!

Final Grade: C-