Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Year: 2016
Genre: Horror Comedy
Directed: Burr Steers
Stars: Lily James, Sam Riley, Bella Heathcote, Ellie Bamber, Millie Brady, Suki Waterhouse, Douglas Booth, Sally Phillips, Jack Huston, Matt Smith, Lena Headey
Production: Screen Gems

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies marks a continuation of the on-screen joke started by Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012). A joke that requires no punchline, nor wit nor effort, just a setup that coaxes you to laugh via hastily formed, idiotic, willfully infantile mad-lib. See I can do it too: Mansfield Park and Werewolves, Jane Eyre and the Golem, Lady Chatterley's Brood of Spider-Babies it's all part of the clever art of mashing things together like a toddler banging Legos with their off-brand counterparts. I encountered the quixotically titled book some years ago and reacted to the trailer much in the same way I did then; a brief moment of mirth followed by an eye-roll and a quick step to the left.

Because why not?

Elizabeth Bennet (James) lives on her father's illustrious estate with her four sisters and her mother (Phillips) whom aristocracy is still a big deal regardless of apocalypse. Her sister Jane (Heathcote) is smitten for the young Mr. Bingley (Booth) who has a considerable estate. Meanwhile Bingley's friend, the drab, rich and prideful Mr. Darcy (Riley) becomes enamored with Elizabeth but Elizabeth refuses to acquiesce given that Darcy questions the motivations of the Bennets to see their daughters climb that stringent British social ladder. There's also zombies; the blood-thirsty kind that amble around in search of human brains. They have taken over all of Britain save London and the wooded area known as the In-Between.

The original Jane Austen novel for which this entirely disposable piece of garbage is based on, intertwines its themes with cleverness and remarkable universality. Is it any wonder that two centuries after its release it is still among the most popular British novels of all time? The novel speaks of wealth, marriage and a sense of self within an imposing class structure. This movie expressly ignores such themes to shovel lazy fighting choreography in the audience's faces. There is some talk about lower aristocrats training in kung fu while higher classes training in Japanese swordsmanship but after a brief example of Elizabeth speaking Mandarin, the entire idea pretty much disappears amid the damp cellars and drawing room rumbles.

Help! Help! We're being repressed!

But "so what," I hear the rabble cry. It's a zombie movie not an English examination of the lives of landed gentry. How right you are, it is a zombie movie; a PG-13 zombie movie that neither delves into the psychological horror of a zombie apocalypse nor allows its audience the joy of submitting to lewd sensationalism. Its gore is tame, its gallows humor is rueful, its sense of dread, apparent yet constantly undercut by the supposed romance. The satirical possibilities embedded in the genre since George A. Romero are completely absent which is a shame because in my mind it is the only reason something this absurd would exist in the first place. Think about it; nobility and aristocracy constantly squabbling about the economics of marrying for class and stature, meanwhile literally an entire country of mindless, bestial hordes try desperately to take away their titles (and lives).

Yeah, nope there's nothing purposefully, subliminally, or even accidentally clever about this movie. Not even its endearing economy remains unscathed though I credit the gaffer for keeping the sets dimmed to cover up their shoddiness. By the third act, continuity is completely jettisoned though it's obvious director Burr Steers was much more interested in maximizing style over telling a story competently.

I was Dr. Who. Please love me again!

There are moments of attempted humor that go beyond the title, and the protagonists trying oh so hard to play the scene straight. Unfortunately those precious few moments resemble Mr. Collins's (Smith) character; dim, irritating and earnestly overdone. In one scene Mr. Bingley throws a prototypical round bomb at a gaggle of zombies right before a hand reaches for his ascot. He struggles to break free before the bomb explodes in a sequence that would have made Wile E. Coyote proud. That was literally the only moment I laughed; a moment so puerile I felt my I.Q. lowering to the number of my shoe size. See the reality is in the morose, unconscionably stuffy, painfully contrived world created by PPZ there is no need for pride or prejudice; there is only room for stupidity.

Final Grade: F