The Grind

In trying to keep a positive perspective on things, I've dulled some of the anguish that is usually associated with depression - some of it. I've been working fastidiously to keep on my path, not wavering for anything with the exception of running ten miles a day because f**k that. At this point I'm pretty comfortable with the fact that I'll be walking most of the marathon - so long as I get a new pair of running shoes. Otherwise, I'm not taking many shortcuts in my...recovery?...Goal for maintenance?...Just regular life because everyone I know is struggle-bussing through life? I don't know what this is yet.

People keep telling me I'm looking good, or doing a lot of work on myself and they appreciate it. I don't know about all that. My motivation isn't to become a healthier person or a better person but just to be a person I can stand. I often think about the people I would like to be - warm, welcoming, funny, strong-willed, quick and gracious. So far, I barely have the "funny" part down.

On the positive side I have a few showcases coming up. My goal for the year was just one so the fact that I have one this coming week, another at the end of the month and the last a few days after that is evidence that progress is being made. As I stated in my previous post, when I have data to prove improvement, it's hard to be that down on yourself.

I've been working on cobbling together a strong 7-minute set and so far I have the flow and rhythm of a 10-minute that needs to be whittled away and tightened. It's become abundantly clear that I am a big fan of the obscene and gross. What's also clear is my phrasing and references are a little too high minded and/or pedantic for the subject matter. Oh well, a comedian friend motivated me by saying I'm an acquired taste and there's nothing wrong with that.

Another comedian I had met last week let me in on some of her writing habits which (if you think mine are too much) are pretty elaborate. I usually create my set as a pretty straight forward list of jokes with tags:

South Side Chicago

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Weight Loss

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Dating Habits

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Catdog

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Cockroach

She does it more like a tree whereby if one joke doesn't work she knows how to read the audience to get the whole set back on track:

Pumpkins

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Reverse Racism                    Brain Candy

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Grease 2----          Media Marketing

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Yoga Pants 

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Work/Life Balance

After I'm done with my latest projects, I'll take a look at creating a little something like this. This seems dependent on real audiences and tried and true bits as opposed to city open mics where you're often in a room full of indifferent comedians. I've found that while my highly regimented, constantly shifting approach is good for me, it's not exactly conducive to creating good relationships with "the room". I'm always trying new things instead of fine-tuning what I know works so as a result I can tell a lot of comedians and mic hosts who know me but don't "know" me are rolling their eyes every time I go up. It'd help if I talked to them I know but I'm still far too shy. Oh well, hard to keep down someone who won't give up.