Dinner with Friends Part 3: Flower and Reese

My job had me gallivanting back through Indiana; ironic since I was there only two weeks ago for vacation. Had I been smart about it, I could have gone somewhere else for vacation then spent a few days off in Indiana but then that just would have meant less money in my pocket. Plus it was Indianapolis which...meh.

Flower, my friend in Bloomington, came on up to see me again only this time I had to take about an hour of the day to do work stuff before a full day the next morning. A little bit about Flower: I first met her via OkCupid. We went on one date, which I thought went well but she dropped the, "let's just be friends line." Always looking to make new connections I agreed and to my great surprise and joy she didn't use that line as a ploy to back away slowly and never see me again. She genuinely found me interesting and I likewise wanted to get to know her. Why? Well...

She's the Free-gan I talked about months ago i.e. my first joke that landed 90% of the time. I'm still indebted to her for that and I never cease to remind her to her chagrin. She's great to tease because she acts outlandishly and sometimes playfully like Maisie used to do when we were both younger and less mature. After making some crack about Flower's dog, she tried to throw me off the bed in the hotel I was staying at. She hung out for a bit watching the Comedy Central Roast of Alec Baldwin which she actually quite enjoyed.

Before then however I took her to a buffet on my company's dime (don't tell anyone). Ideally I would have liked to have cooked for her but I only had a day in Indy and her dietary restrictions rely heavily on garbage food. So we went to Golden Corral!

My relationship with Golden Corral is no doubt a common experience for all the secret eighty-year olds hiding in the body of thirty-somethings that live across the country. If I'm not in the mood to cook or in the mood to choke up my arteries via KFC gravy, I'm craving Golden Corral. No because the food is of good quality; nine times out of ten its just below the line of average. No, you go to Golden Corral to experiment with different flavors and get a taste of what, for example, a plate of collared greens taste like next to serving of spaghetti with tomato sauce. There are billions of different combinations you can try, and if you find something you like, you can always make a better version of it at home.

Flower had a mean helping of carbs: mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, corn on the cob, Spanish rice, pizza, a dinner roll and, to mix it up some fish. I had a plate of spaghetti, a dinner roll, spiced ham and a vegetable medley. For my second serving I went for the friend chicken rice with carrots and green beans. For dessert I had a slice of blueberry pie topped with a serving of banana pudding.

We spoke briefly about what she's been doing for the past week and a half while I was gone - still works at a library, still happy with the connections she's been making in Bloomington. Every time I see her, I try to convince her to come back to Chicago but she seems to hate it just as strongly as I love it. Guess she was right to not want to continue anything romantic.

Flower remains an enigma in many cases. In-between visits she called me saying something went wrong between her and her boyfriend which might constitute assault. I immediately wanted to go down to Bloomington and kick the guys ass but at the same time I wasn't sure what the might was all about. I pushed the subject both over the phone and in person but she deflected. Was this a close-fisted jab to the face in anger? An accidental elbow to the face in the throws of passion? I'm assuming it's closer to the latter. She doesn't seem to be the type of person who'd protect and abuser but you can never be too sure. I will respect her desire to keep me out of it but I'm keeping tabs for sure. If she ever introduces me to the guy I will not be conciliatory, at least not until I get further context.

When I got back from Indy, I nearly forgot I had invited my friend Reese for dinner. Luckily I had plenty of leftovers from Shirley's dinner and I was actually kind of curious to see if Shirley was just being nice. So when I got off the bus at the Station, I ran home and heated up the dirty rice, sausage, roue and beans. I'm not too proud of it as I kinda wanted to make dinner, dinner but it's not like I didn't tell Reese they were in for leftovers.

A few months ago, Reese told me they'd been experiencing gender dysphoria and are going through the process of gender transitioning. As of today, they go by they/them pronouns and have gotten to the point of taking estrogen with the long-term goal of transitioning. I am so proud of them for taking that crucial first step. While I sometimes feel uncomfortable in my own skin, I would absolutely lose my goddamn mind if I woke up one morning as a gender I didn't comport with. An entire life like that? Forgetaboutit. What's more Reese has a very strong support network which consists of their gender non-conforming partner, plenty of friends (myself included) and a family that seems universally on board for now.

Reese's process has me thinking a lot about gender and what it truly is and means. From what I read there's like, three axis's on the exhausting 3D model that is gender and sexuality which have to do with your biological bits, how you identify and who you're attracted to. That combined with how you socialize and how you express your sexuality is all part of what makes you, you.

I'll need to read more about all of it so please don't take what I'm saying here as anything other than conjecture. I'm constantly inspired by Reese. I see them as a model of person I hope to become; confident in themselves and what they want, unencumbered by needless expectations and bolstered by an inner life that keeps them happy, joyful and wise.

We sat and watched Broadcast News and afterward had a lengthy conversation about the characters and their choices. I missed doing that with fellow moviegoers and critics. To be able to talk at length about a great story and what it means to you or society at large is just an amazing thing to have. It's also nice to share something like a favorite movie with a friend and have them be receptive to it. Reese loved the movie and identified strongly with Jane played by Holly Hunter. I've always appreciated Albert Brook's performance though conceded that within a modern context he's not exactly a good guy.

I'm on day three of antidepressants which means nothing as it takes about a month for them to have any effect. So far though, hanging with friends and cooking for them (or at least preparing meals) has definitely been a big help. For a few hours a week, I get to look outside of myself and try to focus and be present. I'm still working on being a better listener but I suppose just like any other skill, it comes with practice and patience.