Chapter 24: The Increasingly Poor Decisions of the Viewing Public

Okay, let me go on a bit of a tangent if I may. With Battleship (2012) blitzkrieging every cineplex in the entire United States in a few days I have just one thing to say...well technically two things. The first is: really?! No really?!! The second thing I want to say is: why? This movie is no doubt going to be popular. Certainly popular enough to get back its bloated $200 million budget then perhaps a few million more to put in the coffers for the sequel. The reasoning behind its popularity will partially stem from its advertising campaign which is one of the best I've seen in a while for a movie that clearly looks like it was made by fifteen-year-old's. Still no PR person is putting a gun to your head so the blame for this new tent-pole explosion-gasm lays squarely with the viewing public.

Now there are people who will watch anything simply because they have nothing better to do and will gleefully shell out $10 for a mediocre movie. I'm not talking to those people. I'm talking to normal everyday people who don't live and breath popular culture. Those smart enough to get big-boy jobs, pay bills on time for the most part and like a good story no matter where it comes from. People who saw The Godfather (1972) and didn't think it sucked. Reasonable people who while looking at the movie poster or gleaming the trailer will say "that looks awful...but I'm still gonna see it anyway". Why?

Here are a few other excuses I know you have used in the past: "I'll have to bring along the family, I know insert thirteen-year-old boy name would want to see it." Don't have kids? How about "It looks so bad I just have to check it out." Sound familiar? There's also "Whatever man its gonna be stupid but its gonna be great too." Seriously why? Why do you to torture yourself? Why do you torture others...yes others.

We as Americans have such an individualistic streak that we often don't realize that our decisions effect others on a large scale. When you see ads telling you the amount of plastic bottles we throw away are enough to circumnavigate the globe six times, they aren't saying that because you have a stint on Jeopardy in an hour, they're saying it because the more bottles you buy, the more they make, the more they're wasted so buy a Brita filter already. Movies are kind of similar. By watching shitty movies, you're rewarding movie-makers with your money and you're encouraging them to make more shitty movies. If you stop watching them they'll stop making them.

And don't give me the excuse that quality is in the eye of the beholder and "its all subjective man". Yes to a large degree preference in film is subjective. Comedies are especially hard to gauge because they live or die based on whether you find them funny or not. But you can't sit here and tell me Transformers 2 (2009) made a lick of sense. No one can tell me G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) or Alice in Wonderland (2010) made any sense either. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about, greyhound-bus-sized plot holes that flow against the logic created by the story, sloppy directing, writing and bad acting. Perfect storms of putrid crap.

I hate it whenever someone says "sometimes I just want to shut off my brain and watch something stupid." If you can think critically please do so if for no other reason than you have something to talk about later. What they're really saying is "I want to be a brainless consumer of mass media with little thought on its implications on me or others." No doubt after Battleship has gone through its run Candyland is going to get its own big screen adaptation followed by Life, Monopoly and, wait for it, a remake of Clue (1985).

What's you're favorite movie? Big film buffs and noted critics will throw 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) or Citizen Kane (1941) at you, blah, blah, blah, but if you had to choose you'd make a semi-decent choice by critical standards likely without even knowing what critics say about it. Why? Because you're a reasonable and intelligent human being! Reasonable, intelligent people like you, me and nearly everyone you know don't have G.I. Joe on their top ten or even top 1,000. So why would you spend beaucoup bucks to watch the sequel to a movie you aren't that crazy about?

So here's my call to action, the next time you see a movie trailer or poster and you think to yourself "that looks dumb," don't watch it. If you're curious about it, wait until it comes out on DVD and Blu-Ray. By then the majority of the profits will go to whoever your video rental provider is and not the studios who have the power to make higher quality films but choose not to. On the flip-side those smaller odd looking films you think you might be interested in, don't wait for those to get out on video, watch them in theaters if you can. They may not have big explosions but in reality how many times have you seen a hero nearly escaping a giant fireball or a national monument being blown to smithereens? It's gotten to the point where it's no longer fun.

Now that I have gotten that tirade off my chest I can fill you in on my latest foray into the list of 100; the only films I'm allowed to watch. I decided to treat myself with a French thriller one of my movie-savvy friends put on there called Tell No One (2006). The plot concerns Dr. Alexandre Beck (Francois Cluzet) a pediatrician who tries to put his life back together after the brutal murder of his wife (Marie-Josee Cruze). Led to believe his wife may still be alive, Beck is chased by the police who suspect him of a string of recent murders and a mysterious group of henchmen who are framing him.

I hate trying to review titles like Tell No One. The strength of the movie is dependent on the twists and turns the plot makes yet its impossible to discuss them without ruining the movie for parties interested. I can throw adjectives like intricate, labyrinthine and byzantine at you but you really can't appreciate them without sitting down and watching the movie yourself. So what is a guy to do but discuss non-story elements.

The acting is topnotch; all the secondary players are convincing in their roles and Francois Cluzet does a fine job displaying competence and bewilderment in equal measure. I  personally think he looks a bit like Dustin Hoffman so during a lot of the chase sequences I was reminded of Marathon Man (1976) in a good way. For those of you who care, there's a fair amount of nudity which is stereotypical of modern French cinema. Its not entirely done for sexual thrills but its there in a matter-of-fact kind of way which is kind of refreshing. In American films there usually has to be a reason central to the plot for someone to be naked. Failing that, if its female nudity they're seen more as a symbol than an actual person. Male nudity...its an R-rated joke. French films however see nudity as a natural extension of the character's body not to be sensationalized or glorified. Its just there.

But I'm getting off point. The truth is Tell No One, to me, was entertaining, well made and an effective thriller in the form of Alfred Hitchcock. Do the plot twists eventually convince the movie's audience? Well like most things that happen in the movie industry, that's largely dependent on you the viewer.