Chapter 3: Have Our Babies Grow Up to Have Mustaches

Three people mentioned Bunraku (2010) when I asked them for a suggestion. With it being on Netflix instant, the film starring Josh Hartnett and Japanese singer Gackt was an obvious first choice. I was a little reluctant however since it has a very paltry 19% on its tomatometer (for those who don't know what that means go to rottentomatoes.com). When I saw it though I have to admit it was pretty darn epic in a Sin City (2005) meets Moulin Rouge! (2000) kind of way.
Two thoughts ran through my head while I was watching Bunraku. The first was what I heard about the production of 1964's A Fistful of Dollars. Known as the first spaghetti western released in the U.S. (three years after the fact), the film was actually an unauthorized remake of Akira Kurosawa's Yojimbo. Yojimbo is itself influenced by John Ford westerns released in the 1940's and 50's; the point is there's a lot more genre-bending between samurai films and westerns than you might think.

With Bunraku being such an eclectic mix between the two, should it really be penalized as being unoriginal story-wise? I read some of the reviews and that seems to be the crux of everyone's argument. Well, that and not being able to accept the concept of a violent world without guns but come on, is it anymore ludicrous than a talking kung fu panda or an alien race of killer robots or a G.I. Joe sequel? How can one even fault a film for an unoriginal story when most films are essentially the same fables draped in different colors? Bunraku for the record is draped in some pretty gnarly colors so if you're a fan of the visually striking you'll definitely get hooked in the first two minutes. Even if the narration is incredibly corny.

The second thought that popped into my head (which is not unlike the first), is a brief aside given by my Medieval Japanese History professor in college. In broken English he explained he didn't understand adolescent American males and their fascination with ninjas and samurais. He always wanted to be a cowboy.

The second film I watched to fulfill my obligations to no one in particular was the film The Lorax (2012). Working in the theater concession stand today, I was hating on this film with the fire of a thousand burning suns. I seriously think there should be a quota on how many children you can walk around with in public. Three should be the maximum, after that you have to pay a premium to all pedestrians within earshot of your whiny nose-picking, pesky, little stooges. I decided to watch The Lorax because if I don't reward myself with a theatrical release every once in a while, I'll start to really hate my workplace.

The Lorax is basically about a boy who lives in a plastic world who wants to find a tree for his crush. Venturing out of town to find "The Once-ler," the boy is told (through flashback) the story of the Lorax, why all the trees are gone and why trying to become a business owner is inherently evil.

The Lorax was a disappointment to say the least. The story was half-baked, the songs were forgettable and the environmental message was so obvious and preachy, I felt the need to go home and turn on all my appliances, then go out to rent an SUV and drive down the nearest street spraying chlorofluorocarbons in the air just to get the sanctimonious taste out of my mouth. And I consider myself an environmentalist! Well, I recycle anyway.

That's not to say the movie is terrible, its not.
I just don't see anyone liking it a lot.
For its story is as plastic as its main character's home,
read the book instead, it's an interesting tome.
For this dubious adaption has an odious ring,
and its basically an excuse to get Taylor Swift to sing.

That and an excuse to shoehorn some corporate tie-in from companies eager to re-brand with an environmentally friendly message. Seriously 70 brands including the Mazda CX-5, IHOP, Target, Pottery Barn, Whole Foods, Comcast Xfinity, Seven Generation Diapers, and HP have all participated in tie-ins for this Dr. Seuss adaptation. I'm not saying I'm not in favor of tie-ins, I just find it ironic that a movie that preaches conservation so vehemently is, in equal measure, a boorish corporate shill.